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• 6th April 2013 at 9:13 pm #108182
  
  Gill
  

  Participant

  I do feel that I have moved forward a little in many ways. It is now 7 months since Stephen died and although I still find it hard I am managing to cope but I find that I can't talk to him now without breaking down uncontrollably.

  Maybe talking to him sounds silly, but I often chatted away. Silly everyday things. Not all day just now and again. Anybody else found this or is it just me?

  Gill xx

  7th April 2013 at 8:06 am #108183
  
  eve
  

  Participant

  Hi Gill

  Two steps forward ,one step back, you are taking little steps!:-)

  I cannot help you with the grief of Stephen.but grief of anyone takes time and it has to be done individually .
  My daughter and I talk about Matty her son,my first grandchild all the time,some times laughing,some times tears. 16 is no age to die.

  I hope you find some peace.Love Eve

  7th April 2013 at 10:51 am #108184
  
  tom
  

  Participant

  Hi Gill

  Well you are doing good and 7 months is still a very short time yet.

  I have over the years lost many a friend/family, and I talk to one of those often, Ian was an old workmate of mine for many many years, he was also a drinking mate of mine for many a many a year, as was his Family.
  Some time I well up when we talk about him with his family but that to me is normal my heart is well and truly on my sleeve and am proud to say it.

  So you cry away Gill and don't be afraid to talk to and about Stephen both are good for you.

  Just sending you a little Hug and a big Cuddle for you.

  Lots of Love and Hugs for you
  Tom xxxx

  7th April 2013 at 1:11 pm #108185
  
  Tina
  

  Participant

  Hi Gill,

  I am glad to hear you are moving forward with your new life it still is very early days so don't put any pressure on yourself to be or act in a certain way.
  Well Gill, that's both of that's silly, I still talk to Patrick everyday even though it will be two years since he died on May 13th. I find a comfort in talking to him although like you I often cry whilst doing it.
  Last week I had a major meltdown I cried so hard I had a headache all night. I just think it's normal and keep plodding on.

  Lots of Love

  Tina XX

  7th April 2013 at 8:01 pm #108186
  
  mhnevill
  

  Participant

  Hi Gill

  In view of the short time since you lost Stephen you sound to be doing well. I used to talk to my Mum's photo for ages after she died. I found it really comforting and often seemed to get "advice"!

  Keep doing good.

  Love Mavis xx

  8th April 2013 at 12:05 am #108187
  
  janw
  

  Participant

  Hi Gill

  I lost my mom almost a year ago to acute myeloid leukaemia (AML). She was unexpectedly admitted to hospital with a high white cell count and diagnosed immediately with AML. Unfortunately, she died ten days later due to a fungal and viral infection in her lungs. She was treated on the same ward/same hospital as my myeloma treatment with my myeloma consultant being on rotation for duty on the ward for her last few days. Her sudden death was so upsetting for the whole family. The nurses and consultant were so supportive and understanding.

  I still find my monthly trips to hospital quite upsetting when I am so close to where she died. Like others have said, I find it comforting to think and talk to her on most days. My dad has placed her photos in his lounge where he can also talk to her before he goes to bed. He finds the loneliness the most difficult thing to cope with especially the nights.

  So far in our family, we have lost my husband's mom and dad, his close aunt and my mom all since my myeloma began in 2010. It's been an emotional couple of years.

  I hope you take more steps forwards than backwards over the next few months.

  Jan x

  26th April 2013 at 5:49 pm #108188
  
  zasrs
  

  Participant

  Dear gill

  It is over 18 months since Gordon died I still speak to him swear at him it does help. I also had a huge meltdown in the week I find coping with his brothers and mother so very difficult it always upsets me, they seem to assume everything is back to normal, back on the brandy and sleeping pills!

  Very early days for you gill look after yourself the one thing I have learnt is that everyone is different there is no right or wrong and anyone who says different has no idea what it is like.

  Best wishes. Sarah

  26th April 2013 at 6:36 pm #108189
  
  eve
  

  Participant

  Hi Sarah

  Nice to know you look in and trying to get on with life,how many lambs this year,I bet you are glad to be in the south,those poor animals up north have taken a battering .

  Grief does have to be done your own way, its a year on 24 for Matty,seems like yesterday,Slim came out of hospital,as it was all to much,next month it will be a year after SCT,which only lasted 6 months. I have stopped saying it must get better.

  I would say remove any negative things from your life,mother in law and brother in law,they. Do not sound if they have your interest at heart.
  I wish you well. Love Eve

  16th June 2013 at 7:35 am #108190
  
  dawstep
  

  Participant

  hello gill
  its stephen h here,dawns husband.dawn passed away 29/01/2012.i must have broken down & cried every day for six months.im not a person that usually cries.since then i can talk about dawn without breaking down.dawn was everything to me.i still talk to her.i always talk to her when i have my shower,i know its seems stupid,but it makes me feel a little better.in the early days of losing dawn i had 3 or 4 spooky things happen whilst i was in there.not horrible things.i told my family about these things.it made me feel comfortable.this is probably why i talk to her in the shower.sadly these spooky things dont happen anymore.all i can say is you carry on talking to your stephen gill.your friends on this special website ,some of them spoke to me,said it will get easier as the days pass.i didnt want things to get easier i just wanted my dawn back.but your friends were right things have got easier.ive recently changed my job.all i was doing was working,eating & sleeping.my boss wouldnt let me cut back on my hours.i was afraid i was cracking up & something was going to give.since ive changed my job,5 weeks ago. ive put on half a stone & my friends & family say how much better i look & how much ive changed for the better since ive left my other job.its a shame my other employer wouldnt help me.i was there for nearly 10 years.they told me that they didnt want me to leave.i really didnt want to leave,but i couldnt carry on under those conditions.they said it wouldnt be fair on the other drivers if they cut back my hours.now im a dustcart driver & my hours are so much better.sorry for going on for so long.i dont know how long it will take you to feel better in yourself,but one day it icome gill. i send you & your family & everyone on this special website my best wishes.

  stephen h

  20th June 2013 at 12:52 pm #108191
  
  DaiCro
  

  Participant

  Hi Stephen,

  I remember well your first few posts on this site… and how powerfully you moved me with your statement of love for Dawn and your determination to carry on… both for Dawn's memory and for Joe and Jade, I hope your children are finding the strength to move forward and I am so glad that you are finding a few positive movements in your new job. 🙂

  I wish you well 😎

  Dai.

  23rd June 2013 at 8:19 am #108192
  
  dawstep
  

  Participant

  hello dai
  thankyou for your message.good luck & fingers x with your light chain results.as you can see i wrote a message to gill,im feeling so much better in myself. i know ive still got a long way to go though.joe & jade are feeling much better too.
  all the best
  stephen

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