[poppy4Participant]

Hi. I’m completely new to this site and was hoping for some advice and answers.

 

My grab has had the tell tale chronic sore back for about 2 years and it was only 9 weeks ago when she took a fall and was admitted to hospital that she was diagnosed with myeloma. The plan at first was optimistic about starting chemo etc but unfortunately my gran has been hit with infection after infection delaying treatment.

 

Today we got the news that the antibiotics are not working and on Thursday she will get home to die. Since the diagnosis everything seems to have happened so quickly. We’ve not been given a time limit but the only meditation she’ll have is pain relief and oxygen when needed.

 

I guess I’m wondering if you’ve been through a similar experience how long can we expect? I’m currently working 350 miles away and although I will be able to get time off work to travel home and be with my gran, that time off is not unlimited. I’ve booked holidays for 2 weeks starting 25th April but wonder without antibiotic treatment how long the gut, urine and chest infection will take before the effects of the myeloma will be too much to keep her on this earth.

 

Any advice is hugely appreciated. Thanks.

[PhilipandfionaParticipant]

I’m so sorry to hear your news. I am afraid I can’t answer your question, though from experience as a probate lawyer, bereaved families often tell me that the doctors’ estimates are often wrong, and people tend to go when they’re ready.
I would say take the time to be with her when she’s able to enjoy your company, you will both benefit. X

[eveParticipant]

Hi Poppy

Fiona is right,take the time now,as time goes on your gran will not be able to enjoy your company.
People choose there own time to die,so no one can give you a time limit.
As long as your gran is comfortable and not in distress or pain,it will not matter if you are on holiday or not.
It’s a sad fact of life that many older people are not diagnosed until a fall or broken bones,if your Gran is not responding to intravenous antibiotics,she will succumb to an infection,and no treatment means the Myeloma will progress.
You do not say how old your Gran is,which I would say has a bearing on how long she can or wants to fight this illness. So make the most of time now,do not put it off and have regrets.Eve

[poppy4Participant]

My gran is 74  years old so not very old really.

 

She’s going to have nurse’s coming in every day and carers 4 times a day. I know her pain relief will be great so I’m not too worried about that.

 

I think I’m almost more worried about the rest of my family. I know in my heart how unwell she will become and how quickly it will happen but I’m not sure everyone else does. I’ve heard them talking about going out for lunch and drives, days out..I just know that won’t be possible. I don’t want to be the negative but realistic one. They all know it’s the end and I would love to do all those things with my gran but I’m just so worried how everyone will cope if that can’t happen.

 

I didn’t mean to ask you for a time. I definitely wouldn’t hold you to it. I guess I’m asking do you thinking it’s realistic of me to wait 8 days until I make the journey home…or is there a strong possibility that will be too late?

[SalParticipant]

Hi Poppy,

I’m so sorry to hear how unwell your gran is. It must be a very worrying and stressful time for you. Do you have a contact number for the nurses who are coming out to your gran? It might be worth trying to talk to one of them to see what they think about you travelling home in 8 days. They won’t be able to give you any exact information because that  just isn’t possible, but they might be able to help you make your decision.

I hope you can find a way of putting your mind at ease.

Sarah

[HelenParticipant]

Hi Poppy
If it were me I would do as Sarah just said and ask the nurses, listen to what they say and ask what they would do if it were their Gran. Then I think I’d bring my holiday forward and go anyway…infections are very unpredictable but when your immune system is failing then they are even more unpredictable.. That way you might get some really good quality time with her. I remember when my bro in laws mum was ill, I thought she looked a bit worse than I expected so rang him up and said so, he hopped on a plane that day and came over from NZ, they had 5 very precious days together before she died.
Use the time you have.
Bless you
Helen

[PhilipandfionaParticipant]

Hi

Only you know your family, but I wouldn’t worry too much about being realistic. Perhaps they too know in their hearts that trips aren’t possible, but need to pretend they are to help themselves. I knew someone who was planning her next holiday from her hospice bed as that was her way of coping.
Good luck xx

[poppy4Participant]

Hi all,

Thanks for the kind words and advice. It turned out the decision about when to travel home was taken out of my hands after all. My parents travelled 300 miles to bring me home to see Gran in time. The hospital discharged her a day early as she really deteriorated on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning.

She is now home and pleased to be there. All the family go over every day to the point of annoyance I’m sure. My grandfather really appreciates it and I’m sure my gran does too when she’s awake.

 

She has 4 carers a day and a McMillan nurse who stays over night. My gran just sleeps all the time, wakes up slightly confused, but most of all is working so hard to breathe.

Like you all said no one can know but herself when she will decide to leave us. I’ve thought a couple of times “This is it, she’s not said a word all day or when she does she is very confused, her breathing is all abdominal and she doesn’t want food” . Then I see her a few hours later or the next morning and she is bright and alert and telling you exactly how she wants her breakfast cooked which makes us all smile.

[sanParticipant]

Hello Poppy, how wonderful that your dear Gran is at home with family and carers, i am thinking of you and Gran and am so glad that you are able to spend time with her at this difficult time, love to you San X

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