[GillParticipant]

My husband (Stephen) died 15 months ago in September 2012 It was 3 months before Christmas and I was still shocked at how fast the end came and, looking back, probably quite numb. I turned down all the very kind invites for Christmas day and just got on with another day.

It is hard this year I have spent Christmas day on my own (by choice I did have invites) My Daughter and her family came over from the states and stayed until the 24th. On the day they arrived my son, his wife and 2 year old came for the day and we all ordered take away curry, and made pigs of ourselves.

My daughter and family then went to spend the actual holiday with her M.I.L and Adrian went home to organise his family Christmas.

It was lovely to see them all, especially as they were all here together and the kids all saw each other. I have kept busy today. Putting spare beds away, washing bedding, collecting things that people left etc My daughter managed to forget her “Christmas day dress” and they left a host of other bits. my granddaughter is 15 and will be mortified to discover the face creams and make up bits she has left here. I cooked myself a piece of steak and some chips, and washed it all down with a bottle of red wine.

I have even got a mini Christmas pud in the cupboard but could not be bothered. Stephen was not fussed about Christmas pudding but bought a great many mince pies. I mean loads. There were so many that they lasted well into the new year. He liked to buy them from different supermarkets to see which were best. A ploy methinks just to eat as many as possible.

I know how hard Christmas and all the festivities can be if you have lost somebody close and so I wish everybody on this site, if not a merry Christmas, a Christmas that can be peaceful and not too painful.

Love from Gill xxx

[CarolsymonsParticipant]

Hi Gill

I think Xmas is a difficult time for many, even if, like me they have not suffered a loss like yours. I have my husband here in London, but the rest of my family are in Australia and I have been very teary, feeling sorry for myself as I view their posts on Facebook. Usually at Xmas time we escape from this grey, dreary city and go on a holiday somewhere (Caribbean cruise was a good year) but this year thanks to this bloody disease, we are stuck in London with me confined to the unit for some of the time, due to the high dose chemo for the stem cell collection.

I can’t imagine how sad and lonely you must feel without your Stephen. It was lovely you had the kids visiting but as you say the sadness stays.

I know you wanted to be alone for Xmas day, but maybe now in the days ahead you need to reach out to friends, even if it is an effort. Of course this weather doesn’t help to lift moods
either! Stephen would want you to remember the good times; so visualise him eating all of those mince pies and smile at those memories!

Carol

[Author]

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