[kaye73Participant]

My mum was diagnosed with MM in dec 2010, she had chemo and stem cell replacement, and they seemed to have things under control, until june this year when she had the same symptoms as 2010.  My dad kept taking mum back and forth to hospital to see her consultant, and they kept on saying everything was fine. It wasnt until 27 august they decided to admit mum, where they told her it had come back and it had gone to her kidneys and heart, they started her off on chemo, but it didnt have the chance to work. At 9:20am on 12 september 2014 mum very sadly passed away, it was her heart it had failed.

I cant seem to get it into my head that i will never see her again, she was only 62

[duskParticipant]

So sorry for the loss of your mother. I find it puzzling is how with myeloma background the hospital did not pick up the problem quicker with your mother. Did she have a haemato-oncology team at the hospital your father took her to?

This disease is unpredictable and sometimes things progress silently and rapidly as in your mother’s case. I hope you and your father have good support at this time.

 

Dusk

 

[kaye73Participant]

Thankyou

yes we are totally puzzeled too, and annoyed and in disbelief.

yes mum had a haematology team, thats which ward she was on when she passed away.

They just kept giving her blood tranfusions and taking blood and sending her home saying all was ok. But both mum and dad knew everything was not “ok”, but what can you do? You put your life in these doctors hands and pray they know what they are doing.

it feels like we are stuck in a bad dream, it was so unexpected and never had chance to say goodbye

[eveParticipant]

Hi Kaye

I am so sorry for your families loss and for the way the Myeloma progressed without being spotted,I personally think people should learn all they can,and not have this blind faith in doctors,at the end of the day,they are just trained people,and family should ask questions,even if it’s only for your peace of mind.

When people are mourning a loved one,they go through all the motions of,angry grieve,memories ,and the fact of not being the way your mum would have wished ,it is hard also on the proffectionals as every individual patient is different,some ask questions and some leave it to the medical teams,

Your mum is at rest,and you as a family have to find your own closure and learn from this,you only have one chance of getting a death right,so it is important to talk to love ones about choices,it’s just unfortunate we have become a society were death does not fit in to normal life,but if you think about it death is normal and it should be open to discussion .
Kaye the one thing you can learn from this,is talk as a family.
It is early days for all of you,and you do have to take it one day at a time,some times even an hour at a time,do not go beating yourself up,about your mums death,it will not achieve anything and I am sure your mum would not want that,ask questions by all means,try not to feel angry as it achieves nothing,learn from this,death is a part of living.
People tell me how well I am coping,and how strong I am,in truth,it’s far from the truth,I get up most days and just function to how I feel that day just to get through the day,and I had no angry about the way my husband died and felt I gave him the death he wanted,it was just his time.
Make your memories of your mum and keep them close to your heart,you will find yourself talking to your mum,it’s natures way of healing the pain of them not being there.Eve

[kaye73Participant]

Hi Eve

many thanks for your kind words, its so hard at the moment i cant begin to explain.

I cant think like it was mums time to go,  she should still be here, im so angry that the hospital didnt do more!

hope you are doing good, and i pray for you a cure is found soon!

take care

kaye

[eveParticipant]

Hi Kaye

It was my husband who died,and it was a long slow death,so when you are not expecting it,it’s harder,grieve hits you very quickly and brings out all sought of emotions.

It is very hard for anyone to speculate what went wrong concerning your mum,if you write or ask to see her consultant I am sure he would explain why it was not picked up earlier,some times patients go Non secretor like my husband and the only way to tell how the disease is going inside the bones is a BMB. There are often complications that arise from the treatment.
It might help to speak to Ellen on the telephone number at the top of the page.

[Author]

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