That subject no one wants to talk about

This topic contains 29 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by  eve 10 years, 8 months ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 30 total)
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  • #106123

    Min
    Participant

    Having walked round in a daze for over a week now, life has to get back to normal.
    Son is off to Dubai tomorrow and daughter and grandchildren back home in Warwickshire.
    I was terrified of arranging his funeral as he had become very insular and not wanting to talk to anyone or go out. He had, I thought lost all his friends, along with his straight back and long stride. He did not want anyone to see what MM had done to him.
    We defied the norm and decided to bring him back home where he lay in the dining room and we were very comforted by this. Because all his life in the RAF he only ever wanted to come home from wherever he was and indeed from hospital.
    The church was packed and standing room only. I cried at this as I was convinced no one would attend !
    Many of those who attended said it was the best service they had ever been to as we celebrated his life; by telling everyone about the things Peter would never discuss ie how we met how he proposed what made him happy, my annoyance when he bought his Porche car etc etc.
    I cannot move for flowers and cards and get by by thinking he is still in hospital as the reality is too painful.
    The coming days are going to be very difficult but the kitchen which was not finished is waiting for attention as well as a thousand and one forms to fill in UGH.
    We had a collection in leu of flowers for Myeloma UK and at his wake our grand daughter 6yrs took my sons captains hat and had an additional collection of her own for myeloma uk making £55 all on her own.
    I have not seen the funeral collection box yet but believe we may have got about £700 in total.
    I will find it difficult to be silent on here in future but will keep an eye on you and hope that in the event of any little sign of a temperature or anything unusual you will rush yourself to the hospital as fast as your legs or an ambulance will carry you in order that you do not find yourself in my shoes.
    Love MIn

    #106124

    Gill
    Participant

    Dear Min

    I am so pleased that Peter's service went well (silly thing to say but I hope you know what I mean).

    Please don't be silent on this site. I, for one, feel that I have made friends on here and if you drop out it will be like a friend not being there with a friendly word.

    Much love Gill xxxx

    #106125

    eve
    Participant

    Hi Min
    I posted on side effect when it should be here,loosing my mind that,s my excuse:-)
    This has all been a wake up call for Slim,he is listening to me,and has said how it all bring s every thing home,Promises me in the future,he will do as i ask if he is ill,:-/ I know him well enough.i will still have a fight on my hands to get him,in to hospital>:-(
    In the coming months you are going to have to start closing that door and put your hand out and reach for the handle,of the next door,they say it takes 5 years to come to terms with things,I truly hope it doesn,t Min i feel we are doing our mourning now,we are living with it every day,These are the things,that are left unsaid!!:-(.because we do not want to face that future.I try to think how lucky Slim and i have been,yes there will always be regrets,but we were lucky in finding each other and for that i am truly grateful.
    It,s sad when people are coping with this on there own,or the young ones who know they will never see there children grow up.
    So what i wish for you is reach for that handle,Peters memory will walk through that door with you,I wihsh you a good future Love Eve

    #106126

    tom
    Participant

    Dear Min

    I wish your family a safe trip home, I also am very pleased to read that Peters Story went so well, save the good parts that you went through with Peter's Illness and throw the bad bits in the bin.

    You know where we are for the support that we can give you please keep in touch and If you feel I need a telling off then please give me one, Honest Elaine wont mind

    Love Tom xxx ((())))

    #106127

    zasrs
    Participant

    Dear Min
    Hugs many of them, i need them as well. I know so well how you feel, still keep thinking gordon will be home from hospital like you so use to being alone. Francesca waved to papa on his cloud tonight, broke my heart.

    with love sarah xx

    #106129

    Perkymite
    Participant

    Please do not be silent on the site I have always enjoyed your posts and I,and am sure everybody, would feel some lose if you left us.

    The Captain is still striding alongside you he cannot help with the dishes but he will be beside you.

    Kindest reagards Min – now is the time to really vasbyte.

    David

    #106130

    Roz
    Participant

    Hello Min
    Love and best wishes I send to you.

    I'm so glad the service was good Min, these partners with MM deserve the best end for the Cr-p years they have endured.
    I remember the form filling and stuff. Believe me it takes your mind of the norm. I wish I could help you and all like you, this then would help with my process. I thank you for all messages and emails, and hope you start the grieving process better than I did.
    I've been in denial, then realised he wasn't coming home again about 2 wks ago, so then I cried.

    Wish you all the best

    Roz x

    #106131

    brocho
    Participant

    Hi Min Peters service sounds lovely I think to celebrate someones life is so important We lost my lovely father-in-law recently and the service was very similiar , even down to telling everyone how the grandchildren called him grumpy grand-dad! The last song was chosen by him and up until it started playing everyone was sobbing But the moment we heard "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life from Monty Python a smile spread around the room and a grin when the swear word was left in! Still makes us chuckle Please Min dont be silent on here we need your straight talking wisdom and I for one would miss you Take care of yourself love Bridgetx

    #106132

    Gill
    Participant

    Love the idea of "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" at your Dad in Law's funeral Bridget. Stephen wants nothing and the only way I can deal with it is to say "If you went first" He wants his ashes smuggled into France and sprinkled on the little patch of land that we own over the road from our house.

    Come on Min keep posting. We all need you

    xxxxx

    #106128

    Gill
    Participant

    Sarah

    Your story of Francecsa waving to her (in our home) Pop broke my heart too

    Gill xxxx

    #106133

    Gill
    Participant

    Sarah

    Your story of Francecsa waving to her (in our home) Pop broke my heart too

    Gill xxxx

    #106134

    eve
    Participant

    Hi Everyone
    Before Slim had this MM,We went to a few family funerals ,and on the way home,he said promise me if i die you will not go through all that clap trap.
    As you might guess,he has no faith.He tells me because he was an NCO and doing full service,he has a right to be buried at sea.
    When I asked why,His answer was,those b—ers messed me around for years,so in death i am going to do the same !!,he has always been happy under water was a diver for years.
    I do think it must be wonderful for those who have this faith,who believe that life goes on,.:-)
    Bridget on grumpy grandads my grandkids made up a song with a little bit of help from you know who

    grumpy grumpy grandad lives in a van
    he,s so grumpy his face is like a pan
    wakes up in the morning
    grumpy groaning snoring
    grumpy grumpy grandad lives in a van
    he,s so grumpy his face is like a pan

    when we took the kids away the campers around us use to be singing it too!!
    brings back memories as last year we could not take grand kids away:-P
    love Eve

    #106135

    Min
    Participant

    Our Grandchildren called Peter 'Grandad Magic' always because he did silly things like morcombe and wise trick with the paper bag and pound coin.
    My Grandson was given the paper bag by Peter and told to go home and practice it last time he was here. It is neatly folded and on his notce board along with other grandad magic treasures.
    Daisy rang me yesterday to ask was I alright and happy without Grandad Magic how sweet she is 6.
    Time for a shower and got to pain the walls n o time for moping Min

    #106136

    eve
    Participant

    Hi Everybody and specially you Min,
    It might not be the subject we want to talk about but it all helps,and gives us time to grieve.
    Its my birthday today and since 9/11 I have felt guilty of enjoying it,then 5 years ago one of my sister-in-laws got cremated on my birthday it was such a sad day,and today i am in similar position another sister in law gets cremated today,i will not be going to this one as380 miles away and will not leave Slim.
    So today i am going out with a big smile on my face to have lunch with the girls,what,s that old saying laugh and the world laughs with you,cry and you cry alone.
    So I have warned the rest of my sister-in-laws watch out for my birthday ,you never know LOL Eve

    #106137

    Gill
    Participant

    Happy Birthday Eve.

    Min I had forgotton the paper bag and coin trick (it was probably a florin or so to start with:-) ) I am sure that "Grandad's Magic will be with all of you for a very long time. Much love from Gill xxx

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