Subject: Disorder In court
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters – who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Lawyer : Are you sexually active?
Witness : No, I just lie there.
Lawyer : What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
Witness : He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Lawyer : And why did that upset you?
Witness : My name is Susan.
Lawyer : What is your date of birth?
Witness : July fifteenth.
Lawyer : What year?
Witness : Every year.
Lawyer : What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Witness : Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Lawyer : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness : Yes.
Lawyer : And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness : I forget.
Lawyer : You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Lawyer : How old is your son, the one living with you?
Witness : Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Lawyer : How long has he lived with you?
Witness : Forty-five years.
Lawyer : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Lawyer : So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness : Yes.
Lawyer : And what were you doing at that time?
Lawyer : How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness : By death.
Lawyer : And by whose death was it terminated?
Lawyer : Can you describe the individual?
Witness : He was about medium height and had a beard.
Lawyer : Was this a male, or a female?
Lawyer : Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Lawyer : All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Witness : Oral.
Lawyer : Do you recall the time that you examined the
body?
Witness : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Lawyer : And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
Witness : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Totally true trancripts from actual cases
Lawyer : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
Check for a pulse?
Witness : No.
Lawyer : Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness : No.
Lawyer : Did you check for breathing?
Witness : No.
Lawyer : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness : No.
Lawyer : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Lawyer : But could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
Witness : Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
