Hi I'm not a doctor so what I say has no real authority, but I'm a doctors son and have spent the last twenty years working in nmedicine and have a science background.
It might seem obvious and trite, but your dad's problem is not so much Myeloma, but that his general health status is unstable and slipping, for variuos reasons, including the Myeloma.
Health status is all about little things, degradation starts with a small change which spirals into crisis, recovery is the same, a small victory leads to minor improvement, which in turn allows another victory and so forth – a doctor's job is to turn it around to restore that delicate dynamic balance that we live in permenantly and which is so much more fragile than we realise. When you are living with a chroinic disease, keeping that balance is really important – diet exercise, attitude etc.
As for his depression – goodnes what I'm going to say is hard for someone who hasn't been there to hear. He probably thinks that he's had it, that this time he isn't going to make it through, that his life is over and what is worse he can't get out and do the things he needs to do (we all have a bucket list) and he can't even talk about it, because of the taboos (we spend a lot of energy caring for our carers, when in fact its pretty hard dealing with our own situation and sadness and sense of loss). Of course this doesn't have to be the case, he will hopefully get over the urinary tract infection and the catheter can come out, the diarhea will stop hopefully and he'll be allowed to go back on food. Of course hospital food is horrid, so see if you can take him in things that he loves to eat (when he comes of the drip). If he can't talk to you, and I expect he can't as he doesn't want to frighten you, it might be worth getting a good, old enough but good looking (he needs to build trusting rapport) psychologist to talk to him there is probably one on the team, but of course he has to feel drawn to him/her and want him or her to come and then be prepared to say what he can't say- what's really important is closure and coming to terms with our mortality and then understanding that the only choice is to make the most of it. Of course the really depressing thing is when the disease, or our nature (I'm a really lazy bum) stops us from doing that – that's when I slump – and I blame myself.
I reckon he is really bored as well – and miserable and uncomfortable. It can, might and probably will get better – but obviuously he is walking a wire and whilst not being overly alarmed you should be aware of this – and of coourse so should he – there are probably a bunch of things he would like to get done – and this should shake his depression –
Where is he hospitalised and what are the medical staff likeN – how does he get on with them?
I'm sure I've overstepped the mark and apologise for that, I took Dexamethzsone today, so I'm pretty hyper.
Take care, good luck, bon courage – and he's really lucky to have you.
