The funeral mustr have been one of the hardest things you have ever done. It's over now and there are still more memories for you concerning Stephen and his life. Look after yourself for your private journey is just beginning. Today is the start of the rest of your life.
Hi Gill,
I can empathise about the Jag and it no doubt held a lot of promise and enjoyment for Stephen. But may be it's worth thinking it as some sought of picture of Dorian Gray. As the car sits there and rots and gets old, you will have your memories of Stephen as he was. The car will just rust away looking very tired and decrepid. Get rid sooner than later so that you only have 'youthful memories' I hope you understand what I mean.
As for France, my sister moved there with her late husband. Our mother is French so she is fluent which helped but she found everyone in the village was fantastic even before he was diagnosed with Prostrate Cancer. I may be biased because i think the French are so maligned by xenophobic Brits. My Aunts, Cousins and Uncles in France have been such a support and a god send since my diagnosis. What I will say is that you just have to make sure you stay on the right side of Monsieur le Mayor. The French still know the importance of community living and support. They will be there for you I am sure, so no fears, enjoy your trip and perhaps teach them a bit more about English gastronomic delights.
Thanks for the info, I don't wether it's better to be ignorant of having a BMB or to be forwarned. The doctors here said the pain's a bit like going to the dentist – just not any dentist I've been too.
Ref Perkymites post concerning the armed forces, there is also the British Legion, the RAF Benevolend Fund am I am sure the Navy have the equivalent. You need to check the criteria for savings etc because their funds are limited (they are charities)but they will help if they can.
Morning Scott,
Wives are brilliant at putting on a brave face being organised and managing things, look how many wives are posting on the website. But we also have to be there for them even though they may think that we are incapable because of our condition.
How are you handling the children? They obviously know something is wrong but how do they express their feelings? What age are they? We tell are daughter on a 'need to know basis'. We want her to have a normal childhood and not grow up thinking regular visits to the onkologist or hospital is the norm.
Anyway your with us now so time to get going. Tom's mantra is 'Onwards and upwards', mine is 'Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and move on' As a rugby player it's something I'm sure you've done many a time on the pitch.
Good for you, good for the rest of us still on our journey to know.
Well, now you are with us time to make full use of all the facilities of this exclusive group. As I am sure you will here often, everyone's MM is different, we are all affected in different ways with different problems, be it with the illness or in our private lives. However, it has to be something really unique for there not to be someone with some experience or knowledge that can help.
The emotions and the crying will stop, I think for us it was at least 2 months. As you've found out, there are people you wouldn't have thought of who will come out and help when they can, a number will be there for you and your family in the long run. Your wife sounds fantastic but please remember that while she is not suffering fom MM, she will be feeling and she will have her own fears and worries to deal with. You need to support each other. I would be totally dead in the water if it wasn't for mine but I am conscious she is no wonder woman. So enough of the rambling, we are all here with the experience to help when you need it.
Good news then, when I looked at the time of your post I though 'He's on Dexy' Hope the back gets better sooner than later, think you'll have to start looking out for low door frames again.
OK, first things first – it doesn't rain, it pours!
Next, Forget his employers, you will be wasting energy on something you have no control or influence over. As for lack of insurance, being in your 40's you would not have thought it necessary so don't waste energy on if's and but's. What is important is your baby and your family. Stewart probably feels guilty about the situation that your family are in. Is he still mobile? Can he still do some work? He will be helping you when you work by looking after your baby. He will be sorting out other administartive things so he will still be supporting and providing. As for the mortgage, who are you with? I know Nationwide offer a year's mortgage holiday if required for those who have a mortgage with them for over a year. Others will offer interest only payments so the actual capital debt does not increase. Check with your lender, at the moment to repossess is politically damaging and the lenders are trying very hard to tell us what nice caring people they are.
As for Bupa and the other private health companies, don't bother, they are not interested in anything not mundane, I will be very surprised if they have their own MM specialists, you will have ended going to the NHS anyway so don't waste your money. There are some fantastic hospitals with superb facilities in the UK, now Stewart has been diagnosed let the NHS deal with it. Where do you live? There will be someone on this forum close by who can help I am sure.
Just as a guide I am not working, my wife is the sole earner in the house, we have a 6 year old daughter and we are both in our 40's. We are presently in rented accomodation, though money may not be as tight as for you, there are similiarities in our circumstances, I know how Stewart feels because I felt just as guilty and useless as he does. We have moved passed that phase and so will you. I am sure Stewart can find something, be it voluntary work to start with or on minimum wage part time – I help out at the German Red Cross for 150 Euro's a month for 6 hours a week. It's not for the money but self esteem and having some worth. There is a way out, you just haven't found it yet.
Glad you had a good time with the family, some things are just too important to stop doing, it probably has helped with coping now you are back.
Good for you, plucking up the courage to do something is always the hardest part. Once you set off, it will be easier.
Hi there, nice of you to join us though, like us, I am sure you wish you didn't have to. Unfortunately I am not a medic and did badly at Biology at school so will have to read up on Daz's diagnosis. However, I am sure there is someone on this site who has knowledge of Daz's particular ailments and will be willing to discuss. There are plenty here who can offer advice, help (verbal and maybe some practical depending where you are)and generally support. We've all got stories to tell, some funny, some sad but we are all here together and I hope you find this site helpful, supportive and emlightening. All the best for the future and I am sure we will speak again.
Hi there, lightning does strike twice in the same place and it must be so hard for your relatives knowing that both and your sister have MM. As for constipation, I'm afraid it's part and parcel of the treatment. So far I have got away without using any medication for it. I do suffer a little but fortunately my rythm hasn't been so far out.
I put Linseed on my Meusli and found dried Apricots work. We have so many different things put into us that a naturel remedy is a nice alternative. I'm sure you've heard this loads of times but you need to drink a lot, I average 3 litres a day, some have double that. I am fortunate in that I have not had any Kidney damage so with me drinking is more to do with preventing rather than dealing with Kidney problems.
Good luck with the back on Saturday.
Richard
I don't think you did anything wrong in wanting to discuss options for increasing life expectancy. Unfortunately, for us with MM, it is always there, in the back of the mind, we eat, sleep, breath and talk MM. Whilst a partner and carer also does the same, they do not have the constant bone pain, or the drug programme that an MM sufferer has to take, every week if not every day.
I don't think it was about having a go at you but more about knowing that possibly he will not see your daughter grow up. That I can empahise with because our daughter is 6. We don't know how long I will be around for, what I will witness in her life, how I will help her develop and at what stage of her life.
Please don't feel you are not helping hime because by being there you are, it is possibly more of a case of him being sensitive at the moment and there is nothing better than a child to make you realise how fragile your future may be. Another thing is that there may be a bit of guilt as well, I feel it sometimes, that I have this illness, that my wife has to do so much because I am not allowed to, that she may be left to bring up our daughter on her own.
You ask how you can be the person he needs, you probably are that person but it is something that you need to discuss between yourselves. You can't walk on eggshells either, there are some very unpleasent choices that both of you will have to face up to. So, while he may not of liked what you said, the fact is it had to be said sometime and it won't go away. Unfortunately, there is never a good time to discuss such things. MM is such an awful illness because of the way it tears sufferer's, families and carers apart.
