[gailebParticipant]

Hope things went okay with your husbands treatment, it must be awful for you to watch him go through this again.
This illness is so cruel.
Life is very hard just now, I feel so lonely, I'm beginning to realize life is so different now, I've never been on my own since I was 17, but this is something I now have to face up to, it will be hard, but Howard would not want me to be so sad.
I can only keep telling myself he isn't suffering anymore.
Gail.

[gailebParticipant]

Hi Paul,
Sorry it's taken so long to reply, not getting on too well at the moment, I tried again to go away for a few days, but that's it now, I'm obviously not ready for that yet, it was a beautiful day on Saturday, I sat by the sea, well that was the worst thing I could do, Howard was the last person I sat by the sea with, so you can imagine what happened, so that was it I went back home. Life is so lonely now, no one close now to share things with.
Thankyou for your kind words.
Gail xx

[gailebParticipant]

Hi Sue,
So sorry to hear of your loss, it's dreadful, it absolutely shatters your world, I thought again it would be a good idea to go away for a few days, wrong again, I've not stopped crying, sitting on a bench by the sea, it's been a beautiful day, Howard loved September days like these, but it's all too much.
I understand what your saying, all I keep thinking about at the moment is what the last 8 months have been like. I'm certainly not ready to go anywhere at the moment, but having said that I must carry on.
Please chat away if you like, I can give you my email if you like, I will wait for you to contact me.
Let's hope we can both start to smile again, can't remember when I last did.
Love Gail x

[gailebParticipant]

Thankyou Tom. x

[gailebParticipant]

Hi Everyone, I haven't been on for a long time, I don't know if you have seen my message today, Howard has now passed away, it's dreadful, he didn't want to fight this, he had been very poorly, and the doctor told me he hadn't got long.
None of this is sinking in at the moment, I am very alone, I don't know what to do anymore.
I spend most of my days weeping, I am so sad.
xx

[gailebParticipant]

Thankyou Mavis, I am really struggling at the moment, I was so strong for a couple of weeks, but now it's all tumbling down. xx

[gailebParticipant]

Hi Min,
I think this is what I need to do, speak to someone who isn't so close, my daughters are going through there own grief, they are all very good to me but I need to speak to someone away from them.
I'm glad you replied, you will understand what stage I'm at, it is all too raw at the moment.
I don't seem able to go out without getting upset, I went out for a few hours last Sunday, it was a beautiful day, but it wasn't a good idea, all aspects of the day made me upset. Just for the fact it was a nice day, Howard loved September days.
I get the odd days that I think, hey I'm getting on the better side, how wrong can you be, then it hit's you, and you end up back in the same place.
I miss Howard so much, life seems so dull now, with no purpose.
Thankyou so much
Gail

[gailebParticipant]

Hi Dai,

I really appreciate your reply, I feel at such a loss now, we were never very apart from each other, and always had such a good bantar going, which stopped months ago. Not much laughter going on at the moment, and when I do I feel quite guilty.
I know I have to get some kind of life together now, but it's hard to even think this.
I feel so alone, don't chat to people much now, would help i'm sure, but hey less of the doom and gloom, perhaps over time things will get easier, I don't know, it's hard to think that just now.

Thankyou
Gail

[gailebParticipant]

Hi Gina,
Thankyou for your reply, he was so poorly for 8 months, in bed mostly, this would of been torture for him, he was always in the Scottish Mountains, or on his bike, or swimming, so active.
I get angry a lot these days, it's all why!! Well, I'm going to have to sort myself out nobody else it going to do it for me, I have now to start a life on my own and see how it goes, not going to be easy.

Thankyou
Gail xx

[gailebParticipant]

Hi Tom,
Thankyou for your kind words, the hugs at the moment are very welcome, just need to sort myself out and try to move on, not very easy but Howard wouldn't want me being so sad all the time, I have pictures of him around, and I keep telling him off, he just smiles back at me.

Love Gail xx

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