[PerkymiteParticipant]

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk!" exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that," says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"

"At the circus," says the barman.

"The circus?" repeats the duck.

"That's right," replies the barman.

"The circus?" the duck asks again. "That place with the big tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. . .
.
.
.
.
'

.
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"What on earth would they want with a plasterer??!">

[jmsmythParticipant]

Good one David. I like this one – not sure if they will post it. Hope it doesn't offend anyone.

     The  Priest's Ass
The Priest entered his donkey in a race  and it  won.
The Priest was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it  in another race and it won again.

The local paper  read:
PRIEST'S
ASS  OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind  of
publicity  that he ordered the Priest not to enter the donkey in another  race.

The next day the local paper  headline read:
BISHOP
SCRATCHES
PRIEST'S
ASS.

This  was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered  the Priest to get rid of the donkey.

The Priest decided to give  it to a Nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of  the news, posted the following headline the next  day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN  TOWN.

The  Bishop fainted.

He informed the Nun that she would have to
get  rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for  $10.
The  next day the paper read:

NUN
SELLS  HER ASS FOR $10.

This  was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered  the Nun to buy back the
donkey  and lead it to the plains where it could run  wild.

The  next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD  AND FREE.
The  Bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is . . .  being
concerned  about public opinion
can bring you much grief and misery . . even  shorten your life.

So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop  worrying about everyone else's ass and
you'll  be a lot happier and live longer!

Have a  nice day!
  
   
   
   
   
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 

[PerkymiteParticipant]

My sense of humour.

[Author]

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