Brilliant post..
I am in the same situation now this week suddenly jobless.
I have made the decision now to return to work and i am in the process of applying for early medical retirement. It will be a difficult process no doubt led by HR ..
Seven years ago it was sheer panic and a turning point in my life when I discovered that I was going to live or not live with the uncertainty of myeloma..
Now I have relapsed and Myeloma is back again live in my life for a second time but this time I know that I have to say good bye for good to my work.
I have relapsed after 7 years of a good life with no medication and I worked all of that time but I know now that a second stem cell transplant and a second journey to get myself better means that I can’t hope or plan to return to work.. I feel now weaker and more importantly I know that there is now no guarantee of how long I will have …
but suddenky this week..I find myself fir the first time in my life …jobless ..
It feels both liberating but at the same time extremely frightening…to be jobless as I feel that I have indeed lost my identity and my sense of purpose…suddenky emptiness has invaded me and I am left vacant…
Strange, it is only this week since I am jobless and already when I am asked what I do, I can no longer even respond …
I no longer know who I am and I still can’t and don’t want to say …I have cancer and all I do is wait to see if the treatment is going to work to buy me some time …as in essence that is what it is …
of course I know I am immense grateful that I have been given 7yezrs of a good life and I lived a normal life ..almost a normal life and better in a way knowing that I was given a second chence …
but now a relapse and jobless is harder and devastating..
I will of course have to re invente myself and find a new bearings but right now I feel lost
Pips
