[forest1Participant]

Hi,
My father has myeloma and the paraproteins have gone up recently. He’s waiting to start the new treatment but has suddenly descended into a depression that I have never seen in him before. Of course, it is totally understandable but I wonder if anyone has any advice on what I could do to make him feel more chirpy. Part of it is fatigue and the pain relief but I think part of it is also a mental health issue. He’s not the sort who would see a counsellor and has lost all interest in anything that used to give him pleasure. I’m a bit stuck on how to help him.

[Anonymous]

My husband has MM and the impact this disease has on your mental health has to be enormous. Watching someone you love struggle with the physical and emotional impact of the illness and treatment is very hard. I imagine he is really disappointed that the disease is increasing and having to face that must be really difficult. He may work through it for himself given time. It’s a double edged sword because his symptoms will improve with treatment but the side effects can be difficult. It must be really hard watching him struggle and accessing support for yourself might be helpful? Just knowing that you are there for him will, I am sure really help. So, my suggestion would be to gently tell him you’re concerned about him and ask if there is anything you can do to support him differently at this difficult point. The door is then open for him. Then, try to do what you need to do to help you feel as “ok” as you can in this challenging situation . Keep going, your dad will feel better just knowing you are there for him. And, use this site to get support for yourself. I truly hope things start to get a little bit better for you both.

[kh0305Moderator]

Hi Forest1,
I am one of the new forum volunteers and came across your post. I appreciate it was quite some time ago but thought that even if it isn’t applicable for your situation any ore, it may be helpful for others in similar situation as I’m sure many of us have been there.

My dad has MM and is currently going through his first relapse. He responded very badly to the first drug combo they put him on at relapse and, probably due to covid, it was very slow getting him on it in the first place so he was in pain for a long time and then had the bad side effects of the medication on top. After over a year of being in pain and having lost over a stone in weight not being able to keep his food down and having bad cramps and no appetite, he had quite understandably had enough. We spoke to his consultant who gave him some advice on his pain meds to try different dosages at different frequencies which helped a little and we tried to organise small family events to try and take his mind off the pain and made sure he had a rest and some pain meds beforehand so he could enjoy it as much as possible. It seemed to help. It is hard as you seem to be waiting all of the time – for treatment to start, the next set of results, meaningful improvements etc. and it is exhausting but just try to take one day at a time, keep his spirits lifted as much as possible and as the previous response said, just let him know you are there for him. I hope by now things have improved for you both and your dad’s MM is under control. Sending you all the best x

[tony642Moderator]

Hi Forest1,

I am one of the discussion forum volunteers. I am living with the disease but my wife was my carer when I was really ill. She says that the best thing you can do is just be there for when he needs you, give him a hug regularly, be there for him when he wants to talk about the dark side of things, tell him that his feelings are a common side effect of the disease, and that help is available through Myeloma UK if he (or you!) need it.

I hope he improves soon and please tell him that there are lots of us living with the disease who live normal lives and that in time, hopefully, he will be able to go back to doing the things he enjoys.

Please keep us informed as to how he is doing.

Regards, Tony

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