[LynnieParticipant]

I'm so sorry I haven't been on here for some time but have been so wrapped up in caring for my husband John who sadly passed away 4 weeks ago today. Many of you have helped me over the last couple of years so it's only fair that I now share this with you.
Myeloma ruined John's kidneys and he had been having dialysis 3 times a week for nearly 2 years. He came out of remission early this year and was put on Lenolidamide. Round about 3 months ago he suffered a mild heart attack but came home again. They stopped all Myeloma treatment when his fingers, toes and groin area became gangrenous. He suffered his great pain very courageously. I am so proud of him. I was able to leave work and we spent four lovely weeks together before he passed away on 12th July.
I miss him so much.
Thank you all for your help, advice and kindness. Wishing you all, sufferers and carers, lots of courage to face whatever the future may hold. May they keep on finding new help for you all.
Love, Lynne x

[tomParticipant]

Dear Lynne

I am so sorry to hear that John has Lost the Battle with Myeloma.

Over the years you have been a strong Lady in this Group helping others with strong words of wisdon and kind caring ones at all times, and that Strenth you had will help you get through your sad loss.

I am sure I dont have to say it but feel i want to and that is Just take one day at a time and think of the good times and not what Myeloma did to you both over the years.

Lots of Love and Hugs

Tom xxxxx

[jmsmythParticipant]

Dear Lynne

I am so sorry for the loss of John to this awful disease. And reading your posts of John's journey, you are so right to be proud of him. Lynne I really don't know what to say but just to let you know that I will be thinking of you in the weeks to come. Tom is right – you had years of good times to remember. My sincerest condolences to you and all your family.

Love Jean x

[DaiCroParticipant]

Dear Lynne,

I am so sorry to hear of such sad news. I know that John was receiving his dialysis and it made me so grateful that despite all my infections and other ills that I never had to endure three visits per week for such a draining procedure… he was a very brave man and endured so much.

I am gladdened that you had the last four weeks together… intimate and comforting to the end.

Please take care of yourself in these early days of grief… I hope that you have family and friends to help you through your days and some good dreams to help you through your nights.

Love and regards:-D

Dai.

[LynnieParticipant]

Dear Tom, Jean and Dai
Thank you all so much for your kind and wise words of comfort. I shall bear them in mind during the coming weeks.
Even though John had been ill for such a long time, it was still a shock when he passed away – strange really.
All I can say to anybody caring for someone with this terrible disease is ….. cherish each and every moment you have together; talk together; forgive any odd moods; remember the good times; laugh as much as you can; hug lots; tell each other of your love; but don't be afraid to cry together …. because you're going to need all these memories later on. One more thing – try not to feel guilty thinking you could have done this or you shouldn't have thought that …. it's a hard road, we can only do our best.
Lynne xxx

[eveParticipant]

Hi Lynne

I am so sorry for your loss,this Myeloma is a hard road to take,and John,s seems to be harder than most,the last few weeks must have been some of the saddest days tinged with lots of love and memories,my thoughts are with you,and I hope,that as time passes all the good memories will makes you smile.Love Eve

[ElizellenParticipant]

Oh Lynne, I am so sorry to hear that John has finally lost the battle.

I can only echo what others have said so much more eloquently than I can, and say I will be thinking of you and your family and sending cyberhugs.

Love
Eliz
XX
X

[Anonymous]

Hi Lynne

so sorry to hear your sad news. You are so right about cherishing every moment as a carer myself I can appreciate everything you have said.Take care. love sarah xx

[LynnieParticipant]

Oh thank you so much Eve, Eliz and Sarah, your kind messages are so helpful.

I do have two caring sons, their wives, two beautiful granddaughters (another on the way) and some good friends …. but, of course, I can't expect them to be here all the time, after all they have their own lives.

I went for an extremely long walk today. I have blisters on my feet and forgot to put sun cream on, so my face looks like a salami! John would have scolded me! So I was sitting here feeling a bit sorry for myself. Your posts are most welcome.

Wishing you all strength and love to face the future.

Lynne xxx

[tomParticipant]

Hi Lynne

You are so right re "[u]try not to feel guilty thinking you could have done this or you shouldn't have thought that …. it's a hard road, we can only do our best."[/u] as My Young Bride and I have said that many a time we do the best "At that Moment" and we promised each other we would not say WE/I should not have blas bla as its a learning curve for us all every month is different.

Thank you for that

Love and Hugs

Tom xxxxx

[GillParticipant]

Dear Lynne

Sorry and Thank You

I am so sorry that John has gone but thank you so much for your advice. Stephen is on Dex at the moment and can be horrid. Sometimes I bite and sometimes I walk away.

What is hard is that he has always been a laid back pussy cat and now can be a growly cat.

We all need to treat every day as special. Any one of us could be gone tomorrow mm or not —–heart attack, hit by a bus, fall down the stairs—who knows.

Keep in touch if you can bare too

Love and thanks from Gill xxxx

[DaiCroParticipant]

Hi Lyn,

I don't know how Janet will cope when I am gone… She is an extremely practical and pragmatic person, so I am sure that she will survive and thrive on her own… but as far as grief, grieving and moving on is concerned I can only guess and hope.:-|

We talk about life after Dai… we are extremely close, husband, wife and best friends.8-)

My heart skips a beat every time she comes into the room… even if she has only been into the kitchen to make a snack or comes in bearing a tray of tea and treats… I can't help it, it has always been so.:-D

Janet loves me unconditionally, I know this and she knows the same from me… of this we are strengthened and comforted… it is our shield and armour against the world. But it is also our strength against being left alone… Janet could go first, who knows? But I am firm favourite with the bookies.:-)

I believe that Janet will miss me tremendously… but she knows that there is a world that has been denied to her for the past 4.5 years… more time with Kirstin and the children, including holidays… time back home in Wales with the eldest, an artist and so very much like Janet. She has decided to stay near the Grandchildren but visits back home to Fishguard can be more frequent and for longer stays. Then there is the very active and diverse local WI etc, etc, etc. 😎

Janet has always detested hospitals and her way of caring for me prior to MM was to fill trays and flasks various and leave me for the spare room until I walked out of my pit fully recovered. But her care for the past 4.5 years, including getting used to the hospitals and its processes and procedures etcetera has been exemplary… with hopefully at least a couple of years to go… but at the end she will be glad to move on from those places and those roles.:-)

As stated, I don't know how she will cope with her personal grief… but I hope that it is filled with love and remembrances that eventually help her move on… and not drag her back or down… I don't see it that way and I hope I am right. MM was Dai MKII… mentally still the same but physically… different. The person she will miss the most will be Dai MKI… and he has been gone for quite a while – and I am hoping that fact will make it a little easier for her to let go.:-|

Just thinking aloud. I hope that you can find the strength to move on… see joy in a thousand things on your own… and eventually walk a path of Lyn's choosing and find that it leads to a different life but one filled with smiles, and joy and love of life.:-)

Dai.

[mhnevillParticipant]

Hi Lynne

So sorry to hear of John's passing, but you must, at least, be glad, that, at last, all his suffering, so bravely borne. is over. Like others, I am so glad you had a special four weeks at the end.

Do be kind to yourself in these coming weeks. You have been a wonderfully supportive wife and now it is time to let family and friends show you their love and support.

I do hope that many good memories will help you get through these dark days.

Much love.

Mavis xx

[LynnieParticipant]

Dear Gill and Tom – I'm glad I helped. My John was also very laid back but the last year in particular he did get the grumps sometimes. I'm sure it was the medication but also frustration, tiredness and the uncertainty of it all. Near the end he told me he wasn't afraid of dying but was not ready to leave me and others in the family that he loved. Just love your Stephen as much as you can Gill. My love to you both. xx

Dear Dai – I had a little cry when I read that your heart skips a beat when your Janet comes into the room. That's so wonderful and that's just how John loved me. I miss him and miss being loved like that. I do understand when you say that there is a world that has been denied Janet during the last few years but I'm sure she would not have missed one minute with you whether you are Mk 1 or 2. That's how I felt with John. I'd rather he hadn't been ill but it did give us the opportunity to grow closer. A closeness that a lot of other couples cannot even dream of and I'm thankful for that. Janet will most certainly move on but will cherish what you two had forever. You have a way with words Dai. My love to you both. xx

Dear Mavis – thank you also for your kind words. I certainly do have some wonderful memories and looking through a pile of photos this evening I see my John young, healthy, tall (he lost a lot of height over the last few years) and smiling. That's how I'll try and remember him. Love, Lynne xx

[tomParticipant]

Dear Lynne

Am sure John was laid back and am sure all of us with the MM are grumps at times of stress so your John wasn't on his own.

And Lynne Dai's posts always gets to my tear ducks dont ask me why they just do.

Stay strong Lynne and always remember the good times as am sure their were plenty.

Love and Hugs

Tom xxx

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