Have you got more bolshi??

This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  eve 10 years, 10 months ago.

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  • #106011

    Gill
    Participant

    I have always been the person that spills the oil on any waters whether they are troubled or not.

    Since Stephen (mm husband) has been ill. I have changed into a What? Monster? A more honest person? ????

    Stephen was always the one that did "not suffer fools gladly" and was sometimes far too honest Come on ladies "does my by bum look big in this" requres "I think you look nicer in the other skirt trousers etc. Not "Goodness you have got wide haven't you".

    Talk about role reversal Stephen has become very patient of every fool we know or come across where as I am bordering on the rude.

    I would be interested how other carers (hate that word) have developed in their loved one's mm journey
    Gillx

    #106015

    eve
    Participant

    Hi Gill
    I have to say as a carer I have mellowed,may be it is my age rather than Slims condition,to me this mm just puts things into perspective,life to short.So i have learnt to count to 10 before I speak.
    Slims a different kettle of fish,has never suffered fools,when he comes off dex,it is highlighted a lot more ,not nice i find myself apologising for him,he does not see it as a problem,even when I point out how rude he sounds.I thought it was the grumpy old man syndrome,but I do believe it,s his condition,plus medication,plus the loss of all the things he enjoys doing.Tolerance levels very low!!!!

    Will I ever get the man back who has a dry sense of humour,could always make me laugh,and spent a lot of time looking after me.!!!
    Time will tell,Eve

    #106012

    Min
    Participant

    Hi Gill
    I was once very differnt to how I am now and similarly Peter was too. He was a man with no temper, and slow to rile. Now he responds with the occasional burst of anger.
    I was the one who went off it often, but I seem to have mellowed. I have changed but I defy anyone affected in any way by this blu-dy disease and not find themselves with a different personality, long learning curve for us all.
    I never saw myself as a carer of any kind and am constantly amazed at what I find myself doing that I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined. I am not blowing my own trumpet by any means but I often catch myself reflecting on my behavior and responses to events and feel like looking in the mirror to see if Ive had a face transplant as well as a personality transplant!
    Anon Min

    #106013

    Gill
    Participant

    Hi All

    I have thought about what I posted and have realised that I am not actually "rude" (at least I don't think so) but maybe have become too honest.

    When asked by the server in a multiple eatery where we had breakfasted during a long journey (the one where a chef is tiny) "how is your meal, everything OK?" Instead of my usual reply of "Oh fine thank you" I said (with a smile) "No it's c**p. But then it always is and it's our fault for eating here. I know it is not your fault and your service has been really good. Thank you"

    When I do not get a helpful reply from a shop assistant or an internet voice after I have been patient and polite I ask to speak to the supervisor and get them to sort out whatever the problem is. I am learning that life is too short for anger but also too short to spend hours smiling and not demanding basic service when that is all you are asking for. On the other hand I do ask to speak to a supervisor if somebody has been helpful and gone that extra mile and let the supervisor know that I have had a great service from the person dealing with me.

    Maybe I am starting to mirror our friends across the "pond" Americans demand service and respect the people that give it.

    Gill x

    #106014

    jmsmyth
    Participant

    Hi all

    Good on you Gill. I would love to do that. Frank would have a heart attack if I did. He would be the "bolshi" one. He has never suffered fools gladly. Sometimes it can be embarrassing but one thing all our friends know is that he will never talk about you behind your back, if he has anything to say he will tell you. Before Frank was diagnosed I would run a mile from confrontation but now – as far as Frank is concerned – I would fight a tiger!!! My sister has told me on a few diferent ocassions, that the day Frank was diagnosed "I lost my sister". I am not "bolshi" enough to ask her what she meant. Maybe I am scared of the answer.

    Hope all is well with you all.
    Love Jean xx

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