[GillParticipant]

Stephen's mum picked out the poem that starts God looked round his garden and saw an empty place He then looked down upon the earth and saw your tired face ……

The humanist told me that they could not do any service with a mention of God in it

Not my idea of humanity I must admit.

His mum is a believer but respects Stephen's wishes. There was no way I was going to tell her that she couldn't have that verse.

We are now having a Celebrant hold the ceremony. He is coming to see me Tuesday.

Stephen's oncologist (a muslim) is coming and will have no problem to any reference to God instead of Allah

Keep well you lot Gillxxx

[HelenParticipant]

Oh Gill
As If it weren't difficult enough. I do hope your celebrant is a better choice.
Love Helen

[MinParticipant]

You gave me something to think of there Gill, I had to dig out the copy of the service and there on the front cover of a beautiful booklet is the title Civil Funeral Celebrant.
So I thought it was humanist but I was wrong.
Should have realized when he allowed the Lords prayer at the end.
I have to tell you in case No one else does. My funeral director was the only one who told me.
The Government pays £2000 towards the cost of funeral expenses for those people who will never claim the old age pension, but have paid into it all there working life. As well as a widows allowance. If the woman from the funeral director had not told me I would never have known as there is very little information (as usual) available for widows.
Min x

[tomParticipant]

And you Min gave me something to think about and that is
:::http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Bereaved/DG_10018703

I hope this helps Others am sure Gonna show My Young Bride it 🙂

Love Tom xxx

[eveParticipant]

Hi Gill

Matty had a long service,but I do remember some were in the middle,she said anyone who had there own believes and thoughts,were welcome to say a pray or have a few minutes silent to pray in what ever they believed in.!!!!

It is very sad,that people cannot gather to say good bye to a person ,in there own way,Gill you do not even have to have anyone to take the service,you can do exactly as you like,My own believe is why have someone who does not even know that person,talking about them!!!!!.you do not need this hassle.
I would Say if a Mum of 80 odd cannot say what she feels for her believe for her son,it,s becoming a very sick place.you do not need this hassle.
my thought are with you.Love Eve

[TinaParticipant]

Hello Gill,

I confused humanist with celebrant too! But actually now I really think about it the chap that read out my eulogy was an ex priest who left the fold many many years before and ran the Woodland Burial Park. He was super cool, extremely understanding and carried out all my wishes for the ceremony without any raised eyebrows. The service was a real celebration of Patrick's life the ups and downs included.
I am sure your chosen celebrant will be much more receptive to your needs.

Best wishes

Tina X

[DaiCroParticipant]

HI Gill,

I am a Quaker by conviction… not by faith or upbringing but because I found them during a year on strike as a miner during the 1984-85 dispute, where the Quakers opened their Meeting Houses as relief centres… not because they believed in the rights or wrongs of the dispute but because there was human suffering involved and they believed it was their duty to help that suffering . I had reason to visit a local Meeting House and became enthralled. I read their literature and finally decided to attend a meeting. There were a few people present to meet and greet newcomers, a simple handshake, an enquiry to ascertain if it was my first meeting, a smile, a leaflet to explain the order of the meeting and directions to the meeting hall with the direction to sit where ever I wanted.

I have attended many, many meetings the length and breadth of Britain… some are big, brand new, bright and shining, others smaller, older but well ordered and quite a few which are fairly small, ancient and atmospheric. But nearly all of them have a common theme. Either decreasing circles or rectangles that face into a central table that usually contains a few books, including the Bible, some Quaker writings and the ubiquitous vases of fresh cut flowers… many meeting houses have large windows that look out onto a variety of ordered or wild-flowered gardens.

At the appointed time of the meeting (say 10am) the room descends into quiet and the attendees settle their minds into 'Centring' their spirits into 'That of God'. Most Quakers are Christians or Christian based but there are a goodly few who are Humanists.. and another good sum who don't have any faith but are there to seek… even if they are not at all sure what they are seeking for. Just like me on that first visit.

I, like I imagine most others, usually take between five to ten minutes to settle… trying to find my moral centre while being interrupted by football, finances, family problems and what's for dinner… but eventually I settle and become aware not only of my own peace but of a deep and almost beautiful silence of the room.

There are no prayers, no set hymns or music… just silent contemplation. Well, almost. If an individual feels moved they will stand and deliver or officially 'Minister. Sometimes they may read a short passage from the Bible or other writings (once a woman read a few scenes from the Beano which had a profound effect on her and left the rest of us with broad and lasting smiles). More often than not the contributions are about every day things… problems, sorrows or joys that have entered their lives and they felt moved to share. Usually there may be two or three of these 'Ministries'… any more and the meeting would be consider 'Busy'. Occasionally the meeting would remain silent throughout and that is called a 'Gathered Meeting'. I have only been present at two Gathered meetings in twenty-seven years.

Very often you can feel a movement of irritation when someone stands to minister. It can take you by surprise to hear a voice start to speak when your head is bowed and you are lost in your thoughts, it is akin to being rudely awakened from a deep sleep… with some people that is a literal truth and I admit to several such occasions myself.

But Quakers recognise that however banal, intellectual, uninteresting or plain boring the ministry may be to some there is almost every time where that same ministry 'Speaks' to someone or even quite a few in the room. Those occasions are historically called 'Speaking To My Condition' and I have been a minister on a few occasions and a recipient on many occasions. Being a recipient when you least expect it can be a powerful and extremely uplifting form of communication… or perhaps I should say communion in the literal sense.

At the end of the hour or shortly before if the meeting starts to gain a more prosaic consciousness, a couple of 'Elders' will turn to each other and shake hands… at which point everyone will turn to their neighbours, as many as they can reach, and shake hands in turn… and the meeting is over. The Secretary will then read out a few business points and then the attendees move into a side room where tea, coffee, biscuits and cakes are consumed amongst the most garrulous set of beings you are ever likely to meet. Occasionally there is a 'Shared Lunch' with either a guest speaker or musicians or even a poet etc., which I loved beyond words… the spirit of the meeting extended for another hour or so but set to words and often music and laughter, always laughter.

I don't know why I was moved to tell you this… perhaps it may speak to you…. but I suspect it may have been for me.

Either way it was told with love throughout.:-)

Much love to you and all on this board.

Dai.

[GillParticipant]

Dearest Dai

Ihave just re-read your post regarding the Quakers It sounds lovely Maybe not for me just now but a great possibility in the Future.

Thank you for sharing it.

Best love Gill xx

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