[DaiCroParticipant]

My father passed in 1987, I still see him and hear him… less so physically now… but more so in myself… this is still for him.

Dai.

Click on the link below for an automatic start.

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=8554762

The piano arrangement for this was added by my friend Butch Price of California who was touched by this song for the same reasons I wrote it. 😎

[b]In Everything

Verse 1[/b].
I am a grown man; just look at me I?m crying.
Ok, there?s no shame in crying
but it seems I do it all the time.
And it has been a good while,
since you passed and went your own way.
And all that?s left is a memory;
That never seems to fade.

[b]Chorus: [/b]
So here I am I am reaching out
I can?t touch but I still feel.
I hear your voice and I see your face – but it?s not real.
I glimpse a smile on a TV show, I hear a Robin sing.
I see you in everything,
I hear you in everything.

[b]Instrumental Break

Verse 2[/b].
I have a good woman,
she is standing right beside me
If needs be, she will carry me
I am burden she can bear
But sometimes, on the other side
I feel your hand upon my shoulder
And when your shadow falls behind me
I will know that you?re still there.

[b]Chorus: [/b]
So here I am I am reaching out
I can?t touch but I still feel.
I hear your voice and I see your face – they're not real.
I glimpse a smile on a TV show, I hear a Robin sing.
I see you in everything,
I hear you in everything.

[b]Break: [/b]
I walk your walk, I know it
One day I?ll walk with you again
And when I see you, in the mirror
I know your smile will ease my pain

[b]Chorus:[/b]
So here I am I am reaching out
I can?t touch but I still feel.
I hear your voice and I see your face – but it?s not real.
I glimpse a smile on a TV show, I hear a Robin sing.
I see you in everything,
I hear you in everything.
Tag: And I am you in everything

[RozParticipant]

Hi Dai

Thanks, you must have known. It's one off them days today, crying not wanting to bother,getting out of bed wondering for the thousand plus time why Michael??? I come on site to console myself and listen to this, I'm sobbing again cos it's how I feel only I'm all alone with no-one to turn to. It was 6 months ago a few days ago, times flown in one respect but by god it seems as if its 6yrs since I've seen him, I want to join him too.

Sorry for this,
Roz

[DaiCroParticipant]

Its allowed Roz,

Everything is allowed when you are grieving… I followed every second and every word of Michael's passing and I know that he never got that one chance to recover from the infections that would have given him a chance with the treatments. I also remember how much you struggled to keep connected with Michael with little to no support from his family.

I wouldn't give his family the choice with his ashes if I were you… I would take my holiday to the south coast and scatter his ashes in a place you both loved, say your goodbyes properly and then you can start living with his memory… good, loving and happy memories of the Michael pre-myeloma, not the Michael who was so ill and so tired of fighting this damned disease.

It is your life, not theirs…. do with it as you will. 🙂

Dai. xxx

[mhnevillParticipant]

Hi Dai

This song is great. Makes the idea of a Concert seem real. Any progress on that?

All best wishes.

Mavis

[BADGERParticipant]

dia
i agre with what you said to Roz wise words.
When is your cd going to be issed
Love Jo

[DaiCroParticipant]

Hi Jo,

Roz has got to be strong for her own good IMHO – she has done so well up to now, I just feel she needs closure (said with love and support if you are reading Roz). xxx

I have got 3 CD's to Bring out before Xmas Jo:

'Country Bound' – Mixed genre Country style songs.

'King For A Day' – A chronological account of my Folk Songs (Most in demand by friends and family)

Songs In The Key Of 'D' – Indie, pop, jazz-song, blues, rock (My personal preference but…)

I have most if not all of my songs recorded but they need remixing and house-styling (volume, panning etc.,) and most of all collecting, selecting and collating). I will have 14/16 songs on each album from a choice of 140+… and I know I will upset some friends, family and you, my fan 🙂 if I get the choice wrong. Janet will have the final word… I trust her judgement as a listener.8-)

Dai.

[BADGERParticipant]

Dia
songs in the key of D sounds like my kind of CD get Janet to hurry up and edit
PS i am sure you have loads of fans
Love Jo xx;-)

[RozParticipant]

Hi Dai, And Jo,

Thanks for your kind thoughts. I don't think I'll ever get closure. If Rachael my daughter had kept her promise to her dad things would be different but as it stands she won't visit me never mind look after me like she promised Michael…So his ash's stay with me, I can't get any where alone, so his ashes don't go to Teignmouth!! I'm hoping to get a memorial bench for the garden soon, so that the bird table and everything he will just have to settle for 2nd best!! May be he won't mind being beside my bed some more.

Thanks
Roz

[AMcGuireParticipant]

Hi Roz, bless you for feeling so lost, I feel for you.

Just a wee thought, suggestion perhaps …. when I worked in the funeral directors we had a family place an order for a bird bath for the garden – it was special in that their loved ones remains could be housed in tubing inside the body of the birdbath (hope that makes sense). This way it allowed the remains to move with the family should they decide to move house in the future. We've also used the "ashes to glass" people who make jewellery (rings etc) from remains which means your most treasured person is with you always. Just a wee idea, sincere apologies if I have upset you further.

Sending you love Roz and wishing you much brighter days ahead.

Angelina xx

[DaiCroParticipant]

How is John doing Angelina? Any change? Back home or still at the hospice?

Dai.

[AMcGuireParticipant]

Hi Dai, hope the sun is shining on you and you are keeping well?

Thanks for asking after John … he's still in the hospice, ups and downs to be honest. The toxicity has long gone so he's not shouting out, jerking, completely confused any longer. He took some seizures however which resulted in him being transferred to the hospital although brain scans showed up clear which was a relief. He was anxious to get back to the hospice so thats where he's stayed since, 4 weeks now.

His blood pressure is extremely low so the doctor is trying to work some magic – the magic being that they've reduced some pain medication and heart medication to try bring the pressure up again, however as you can imagine its had the knock-on-effect of him feeling pain – the old "rock and the hard place" strikes again! The diahhorea (brought about by the Velcade) is still ongoing, this ofcourse drains John of what energy he has and ofcourse doesn't help with his fluid intake so his bloods are off due to his wonky kidneys.

He is quite weak, breathless on doing very little, needs lots of physical support to get around as his legs are like skinny little pins (or wheelchair is best really) ….. and I can tell he's losing confidence in himself and wonders and questions if he'll ever get home or if he's going to die – this isn't like him at all. The doctor has allowed him (all being well) to come home for a couple of hours on Sunday – the girls are already excited about daddy coming back so that will be VERY nice indeed – he'll finally get to try out his stairlift and new toilet – we had lots of work done whilst he's been away in the hope he'll get the chance to use them.

The hospice is just fantastic Dai, I can't praise the staff enough for their patience and support shown to ALL of us – the girls are always made very welcome, they love the play room with huge TV, playstation games, toys etc …. , and with me they are always willing to sit down and discuss anything thats on my mind …. if John had been in hospital he'd have been "thrown out" long before now.

Hopefully Sunday will go without a hitch and he'll be confident and comfortable about leaving the "cocoon" of the safe hospice environment – I'll let you know.

Sending love Dai and healing thoughts too
Angelina xx

[GillParticipant]

Dear Angelina

I just wanted you to know that I have my fingers crossed that John is home on Sunday and I'm hoping that he will be home far more permanently soon

Gill XX

[AMcGuireParticipant]

Hi Dai and Gill …. Gill, you can uncross those fingers now 😀

We had John home for a few hours today, I think he was pleased to be home although he didn't say those words (if that makes sense). He was so completely knackered from the 15 minute journey from the hospice to our house he seemed too tired to express excitement that we'd all so hoped for. He finally got a ride on the stairlift (which makes a HUGE difference to him). Once upstairs he got into bed and slept like a baby for almost 3 hours before starting his usual diahhorea spree, bless him. He'd had none for 3 days but typically today it was back with vengeance!

I had thought pain would have been an issue, but today I am happy to report this was not a big deal, the diahhorea seemed to take centre stage.

He's now back in the safe haven of the hospice. The nursing staff are very pleased that all went well and they will ofcourse report to the doctor, there were murmurings of perhaps coming home permanently soon – wow, that would be nice for all of us.

Just wanted to report how things went today and to let you know your crossed fingers did the job Gill!! Bless you x

Sending love and healing thoughts to all
Angelina xx

[GillParticipant]

I am so pleased that it all went well. Here's hoping it gets better and better. If finger crossing does work then let's hope everybody that reads these posts crosses their fingers for a second or two:-)

Love Gill xx

[BADGERParticipant]

Hello Angelina

My fingers are crossed too I will send you one of my guardian angels I am sure they will smile on you
Love and a big ((hug))
Jo x

[Author]

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