Just funny

This topic contains 5 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  eve 13 years ago.

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  • #109754

    Perkymite
    Participant

    I get many things sent to me via the old email. Some are racist, sexsit, ageist or one of the many other "ists" that there are in life today and therefore not printable on this site. This is just funny. Have a smile on me.

    A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
    After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
    The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
    "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.
    "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
    The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
    The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

    A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
    The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
    The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
    The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" she cried, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

    The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150

    #109755

    DaiCro
    Participant

    Now that is funny David. I've already pinched it, changed the currency to dollars and posted it onto my songwriting site (based in Nashville). Their type of humour… or should I say humor. 🙂

    Dai.

    #109756

    Perkymite
    Participant

    Actually, Dai, I got it from South Africa and changed the Rand to Pounds; it is a small old world nowadays.

    Kindest regards ? Vasbyte

    David

    #109757

    BADGER
    Participant

    Thats funny David I am not very good at jokes but I loved this one

    Keep well Jo x

    #109758

    scott9
    Participant

    Good one. Here is one for you….

    An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1:a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

    The old man replies,

    ?I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body?.

    The officer then asks,

    ?Really?

    Who is giving that lecture at this time of night??

    The man replies,

    ?My wife.?

    Boom boom!

    #109759

    eve
    Participant

    EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 6O

    I,ve tried this and it really works !

    Begin by standing on a comfortable surface with plenty of room either side.

    With a 5 lb potato bag in each hand extend your arms straight out from your sides hold them there as long as you can.Try to reach a full minute,and then relax

    Each day you,ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.After a couple of weeks move up to 10-lb potato bags.

    Then try 50lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift 100 lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute (i,m at this level)

    After you feel confident at that level,put a potato in each bag.

    BOOM BOOM

    Eve

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