[SalParticipant]

Over the last few months I have received a lot of help, support and advice from many people on this forum and I didn’t want to disappear without explaining why.

My beloved Mark lost his brave fight on Sunday afternoon, 20 July.  He had been due to go for his stem cell harvest on 21 July and we were determined to work together with the wonderful haematologists and nurses to get the best possible remission in terms of quality and hopefully length.

Although he was only diagnosed with myeloma in January, he had had a solitary plasmacytoma diagnosed in April last year and had had two major spinal operations to stablise his neck. At no time since then had he been treatment-free. The treatments had recently got more intense and his body just couldn’t stand any more. When he developed a neutropenic sepsis last Thursday, it simply overwhelmed him.

I cannot fault the treatment he received throughout his illness, and what stood out in the last few days was the genuine humanity and compassion of the doctors and nurses, both from the haematology team and those in the ICU,  where he spent his final days.

Mark was only 45 and we had only been married for 5 years 10 months. I always said it took me a long time to find a man I could look up to, and at 6′ 7″ he certainly was that! However, he was not only big in stature but mighty in spirit and determination. He wanted to live life in all its fullness, and he packed more into his relatively short life than many do in a much longer period of time.

I will miss him more than words can ever describe but I share his strong faith that this life is only part of the journey. He firmly believed that he was leaving behind pain and suffering and that we would be reunited in heaven. Over his last few days he didn’t stop fighting, but we both felt we were wrapped in love and he was able to let go in peace when no  more could be done.

We had no regrets over our life together, left nothing significant unresolved, and although there were many many plans for things we wanted to do together in the future, there is nothing that would have been better than what we had already done.

I have learnt to live life differently, taking more from each moment and each day. Although myeloma has taken the person I loved, it has also made me appreciate the best of what life can offer.

Thank you all for the support and solidarity you have offered. I will think of you often, hoping and praying that you take all the good things that life offers and live each moment of life to the full.

With all good wishes,

Sarah

• This topic was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by  Sal.

[duskParticipant]

Dear Sarah

What a sad yet beautiful post. I am sad for your loss and heartened by the care Mark received and the wrapper of love around you both.

Such good memories are to treasure when there is much in human life that is sad.

Best wishes

Dusk

[johnandjunediamondParticipant]

sorry to here your sad news sarah,
my thought’s and wishe’s for the day’s ahead, the strength will come.
best regard’s,john.

[EttaParticipant]

Dear Sarah
So sorry that mark has passed my thoughts and prayers are with you god bless.
Etta x

[eveParticipant]

Hello Sarah

My heart goes out to you,yet I will find myself in the same position soon although by a different route.

I have not been on this site very much,mainly some one said this site is about hope and it is,but there’s no hope left for you and me,I have a daughter older than Mark,but I could not imagine what it would be like to loose her,when I lost my grandson,that was hard as unexpected,you had not much time to adjust,so your grieving will be in the future,it’s a good thing that you believe it’s not the end of life together,if this holds you together embrace it,as it will help and guide you in the future.

I have found my self at peace with our situation,it’s not a subject we talk about much,we both know it’s not far off,but it’s locked away for most of the time,and we enjoy what little time we have left,

I can only say to you Sarah in the circumstances of trying to save Mark it was the best of bad options,he would not have been in any position to know or remember anything about it had he lived,my husband survived ITU and it did give us three more years,since then I have not worried about it happening again,as he did not remember anything about that time,so that must be some comfort you.

Slim has platelet problems,and the body is failing,amputation has not worked so the rest of his leg is dying,it’s slow and painful at times,plus other complications,he will die at home,but the palliative consultant is concerned that I might experience a death from bleeding out,I do hope Slim dies peacefully,

Neither of us want what is happened to us,but be strong Sarah that’s what Mark would have wanted,my love and thoughts are with you. Eve

[tonyfParticipant]

Sarah, so sorry to hear your story, I feel sad for your loss and pray that you will remain strong and live with happy memories.

Eve, my prayers are for you and Slim, stay strong.

My love and thoughts are with you all.

Tony F

[meganjaneParticipant]

Dear Sarah,

Thinking of you xxx

Megan

[bandityogaParticipant]

Sarah

I am shocked by Mark’s sudden death. He had come through so much to get a SCT and I prayed he would get through this.

I too believe that you will be reunited in heaven. Stay strong and remember all the good times.

Keep in touch.

Love Maureen x

[rebeccaRParticipant]

Sarah, Thank you for letting us know in such an eloquent way and taking the trouble to do so. I am just so very sorry your time together has been cut short.

Rebecca

[SalParticipant]

Thank you all for your kind words.

I’m working my way through that limbo period before Mark’s funeral and thanksgiving service next Tuesday. Each day is filled with happy memories and the heavy sadness that comes from knowing that the story of our life together has ended – for now.

Mark left me  a gift in having worked out his thanksgiving service in detail – without my knowledge – sometime last year. I found it a few weeks ago when I was looking for something completely different. I quietly put it back but then I knew where to look for it when I needed it. One of the hymns we shall be singing is “Fight the good fight with all thy might”.  As a keen athlete, I’m sure he chose it for the second verse, which begins “Run the straight race …”, but I will be thinking of all of you as we sing that first verse,  and wishing you courage in your own fights with myeloma.

Sarah

[andygParticipant]

Dear Sarah.
Sorry to read your sad news. Such an eloquent and beautiful post.

I can only add my sympathies to you and your family and wish you the very best for the future.

Thinking of you especially for next Tuesday.

Andy xx

[bandityogaParticipant]

Sarah

I cried when I read your latest post and hope I will be as brave when our time comes. I hope you find the strength from your faith and friends and family.

I will be thinking of you not only on Tuesday and in the future.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Love Maureen x

[wendyduffieldParticipant]

Dear Sarah

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your precious Mark and was extremely moved by both of your posts. I am not a regular contributor on this forum but wanted to offer you my sympathy to you and your family.

Wendy

 

 

[mhnevillParticipant]

Dear Sarah,

I believe it is your beloved amsrk’s service today. If I have got it right, I pray you will find much comfort, not only in the words of the service that Mark had lovingly prepared, but also in the many friends who will come to support you.

You are quite right! Our faith that death is not the end, gives us courage to go on, but it doesn’t take away the pain.

Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve.

God bless and comfort you.

love Mavis xxx

[SalParticipant]

Thank you Mavis and others,

Mark’ s thanksgiving service was yesterday. I am still stunned by all the amazing support. There were over 200 people crammed into our church – standing at the sides and back. We had afternoon tea afterwards, where the buffet I had ordered for 100 seemed to feed 200, with some left over, and people stayed for ages in the lovely garden, exchanging stories with laughter and some tears. It was better than I could have hoped and more moving than I could have imagined.

None of us knows the impact we have on others, but this all makes me feel that we must do our best to spend time with friends, relatives and those we love, and to live each day to the full.

We offered people the  opportunity to make donations in lieu of flowers and half of the money will go to Myeloma UK.

Thanks for all your good wishes.

Fight the good fight!

Sarah x

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