[sandie58Participant]

It’s a long time since I have posted on this forum. Sadly I lost my beautiful mum on the 17 December 2014. Poor mum had so many things wrong with her but to look at her you would never know. I still don’t understand what went wrong and am finding this time of year so difficult to cope with. My mum went into hospital for a couple of weeks before the 17th December as she had undiagnosed rib, back and then breastbone pain. Her doctor finally decided it was time the hospital found out once and for all what was causing the pain. What I don’t understand is why her myeloma team didn’t think to scan mum earlier. Her pp levels had risen again to around 28 and her creatine levels had been very high. She was also suffering with her breathing which we put down to heart failure. She had seen the oncologists who decided that her kidneys weren’t good enough for further chemo. They were going to give mum a low dose of steroids but we never got that far. Mum was finally given a cat scan in hospital and they found she had three fractures to her ribs, spine and a fracture in her sternum. Poor mum, no wonder she was in so much pain. She was released after two weeks but by the time I got her home she had already started with pneumonia. Back into hospital for a week but they basically gave up on treating her with antibiotics as they weren’t working. Mum came home and finally lost her battle a week after her birthday, and a week before Christmas. I still don’t really feel I have grieved properly for mum. I didn’t think I would ever be able to survive without her, but here I am a year later and still coping. What is making it even harder is that the sale of mum’s house completes tomorrow and today I had to say goodbye to the house I was born in 63 years ago. It was always my second home and I lost my mum, dad and sister in that house. Although it had become increasingly empty over the past year without seeing my mum’s beautiful smiling face greeting me when I walked in. She was invariably in the kitchen cooking a cake or pie for someone, and on Christmas Eve that’s where I would find her making mince pies for the family.

My mum always thought of others first and was the kindest,  most loving and caring person you could ever meet.  She was my best friend and I so miss our little talks and her mummy cuddles. To her I was still her little girl and to me she was my World.

 

 

[cygnetParticipant]

Bless you – how unfortunate  for you the sale of the house is coming so close to the anniversary of losing your mum and Christmas.

Please remember no one can take your memories away and everyone grieves differently. Now you also are grieving the loss of your family home and everything associated with it. Give yourself time to do this at your own pace in which or whatever way you need to.

My sister and I recently sold my parents home after our Mum died of pancreatic cancer in March. It was never our childhood home but it was a terrible wrench so I can’t imagine how this must feel for you.

As for Christmas, I am trying hard to focus on happy memories of Christmas past. I know that’s what my mum would want and I’m sure your mum wouldn’t want you to be unhappy either.

Sending love & hugs,

C xx

[eveParticipant]

Hi Sandie

Time to grieve is not something that we decide,it’s not something that you can just decide to do,it comes in so many different forms,to me it’s a bit of an ambush,one minute ok next the tears slip down my cheeks.

The house to you has been important ,but it’s not your love or your memories,just 4 walls and a roof,your love of your mum and memories will be with you where ever you are,and given time,instead of sadness you will think about the memories and smile laugh and consider how lucky you where to have a lovely mum.
Don,t let the last few months of your mums life scar you,
Try to accept it was your mums time and find some peace,look on this stage as a chapter of a book,turn the page and there’s a new chapter,make new memories and cherish the Old ones.
I love Andy,s saying, life is a gift,open it and enjoy,think that’s what mum would have wanted you to do. Love Eve

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