[chrissieParticipant]

I want to thank all the kind people who have given me support during the horrendous journey David and I endured. He passed away last Saturday after a long, painful battle, fought with courage and optimism. I managed to nurse him at home until the very last day and I am grateful for that. He is now out of pain for the first time in 11 months and he always had a smile for me, no matter what. How I shall cope without him after 53 years together I do not know, I have lost my best friend, my rock and my soul mate and I hurt………….

[zasrsParticipant]

Hi Chrissie
I am so sorry that your wonderful soulmate of 53 years is no longer by your side, I know how you feel I just wish I knew the right words to help you. Look after yourself and take any help or treats that you are offered, the pain does not ease, but it helps to live another day. I am nearly 6 months since Gordon died I have many bad days, today was not good,as sorting out sheep for marke, watched by his beloved cattle, sometimes wonder what is the point. I hope,like me,you have a wonderful family near you the little grandchildren help so much life just has to go for them
Take care
Sarah xx

[MinParticipant]

Dear Chrissie
I understand entirely how you feel. 53years is a lifetime, and cannot be forgotten, or pushed to the back of your mind. Peter and i were married for 40years and its the strangest thing not having him here or knowing he is never coming home.
Some days I am fine and others without rhyme or reason I am down. Almost every day I am very very tired
Nothing in particular triggers it but on those days I just give into it and blub for as long as it takes. Often staying in the duvet. Occasionally coming up for air or coffee.
On other days I throw myself into tasks that in other times would have taken hours to do but now take days to get up the enthusiasm to start. I think I wear myself out just thinking about what I want to do, I dont get round to doing it for weeks but thats how I cope. Somedays the hours fly by others the day drags. The night times are the worst.
Each day is a challenge. I talk to Peter write him letters. Shout at him or just chat when I get excited about something. Some would think I am going mad ( I do too ) but we just have to do whatever we can when the mood takes us.
The hurt does not get any easier you just get used to it, like a muscle ache you know its there and you know it will get better you just dont know how long it will be before it gets better if at all.
Suround yourself with the smiling photographs they are a comfort and an opportunity to look back and smile.
love MIn

[chrissieParticipant]

Oh Min, thank you for your words of encouragement. I cannot believe that, come Saturday, it will be a whole month since my life changed for ever. Here I am again, roaming the house wondering how I am ever going to manage without him. I don't sleep, hardly eat and am haunted by the memory of those awful months when David was in such agony and bore it with such courage and hope. I feel so ashamed of myself for wallowing in self pity. I found his notebook today containing little reminders of things he was planning to do when he was better. It broke my heart. I don't think I will ever get over losing him.
We did everything together, everything!
We have an apartment in Malta and I have that hurdle to face – settling all our affairs there. He took care of everything and I've no idea where to start – my son will come with me but I dread walking into our home there.
I feel as though I am in a dream and will wake up soon and find it was all a mistake. Is this a normal reaction?

[MinParticipant]

Chrissie
I did not eat for three weeks and sleeping was not on the menu for me either.
But now I am back to normal eating habits and putting back the weight I lost. Sleep is hit and miss but I normally take my tablet to bed ( computer tablet that is not a sleeping tablet) and lie there till I drop off fortunately it turns itself off when not in use!
What is normal is whatever feels right and no two people are alike. Just rest as often as you can and cope when your in the mood. There are no rules. There is nothing that is right or wrong.
I had a pile of paperwork that I looked at for months. Put it all in a file and deal with the easiest when you are in the right frame of mind. Dont worry if you get upset while you do it. Just put it off till you feel stronger.
I found on days I was angry it was the best time to deal with things I kept putting off. On those days I felt stronger emotionally and able to deal. But I would recommend writing things down.
I write how angry I am and how miserable I am. and have done for months its a notebook to Peter and one day when I join him I will tell him all bout it. lol
Take care
MIn

[chrissieParticipant]

Hi Min,

I don't know how to send a private message but my email is cmclarke@talktalk.net. I live in the Midlands (Kenilworth)
so a meeting is a definite option.
I have been persuaded by my son to fly back to Canada with
my daughter-in-law on 11th February for a couple of weeks.
They have a farm so both could not come over for the funeral and Nick
will be more helpful in Malta. David passed away at 5.45pm on the
Saturday and she was here by 12 noon on the Sunday and has not left my side since. I have another son who lives in London but they have two small boys and Roger has his work, so they could not possibly have stayed with me all this time. They wanted me to go back to London with them but I couldn't bear the thought of leaving so soon after the funeral.

[MinParticipant]

ok Chrissie
check your junk mail box have sent u a message
Min

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