[RoisinParticipant]

Hi, my name is Roisin. My father in law was diagnosed with myeloma and amyloid in August. He has just undergone his 3rd chemo session this week. He is 73 and lives alone. He is also disabled and can only walk with the aid of crutches. he is a very proud stubborn man who insists he does not need any help. It is breaking my heart to see how he is deteriorating so rapidly. The chemo is only pallative and to be honest he does not have more than a few months left at the most. He insists that he does not need any help when quite clearly he does. He cant get to the bathroom anymore – he uses a bucket! If noone goes round to make him food then he doesn't eat. I go every day but as I have 4 children I am limited as to how long I can spend cooking, cleaning etc for him. I feel I am neglecting my children, but do not know what else to do. He is going dizzy now each time he stand up, and I am worried that he will fall when noone is there. He has 4 children (one of whom is my husband) but they all work full time. I feel as if I am at my wits end. I want him to have the best care he can, but he refuses to admit that he cannot cope.

[HelenParticipant]

Hello Roisin
Welcome to the site. You have a problem and a half with pa in law and everything else. Will he talk to a Macmillan nurse? You could suggest it with an eye to future needs and general health rather than 'care', they are good at getting things sorted out.
Good luck with this
Love Helen

[tomParticipant]

Hi Roisin

A Warm welcome to the site.
I am so sorry to read about your Father in Law's problem I hope things can move along Fast so that you all get and use the help you all deserve.

Having four children can a rota system be put in place so as Dad is not left too long on his own? and take a bit of pressure of you for a little bit?

You Say Dads getting pallative care and has only a short time left which is so sad for you all but making Dad realize you needs the help that is available will ease the time you all have with your Father in Law.

Love
Tom xxx

[brochoParticipant]

Hi Roisin welcome I hope we can be some help to you .There is nothing worse than watching someone you love suffer If the chemo is palliative is it easing his symptoms?Just wondering why they are giving it to him as it is a tough regime . Recently I had a similiar problem with my 85 year old mum who had a stroke last year.I try and help as much as I can and my daughter does her shoppingbut it was obviously not enough It was only when the district nurse visited and spoke to her about carers coming in that she agreed to try it even if she was telling me she didnt want them!!This week they started coming in and so far so good , they have helped her with washing which she struggled with and would prepare meals for her (if she let them ) They come 3 or 4 times a day ans she has said she likes them coming in the evening to make her a drink and fill her hot water bottle soo I am hopeful it will work out It makes me feel less guilty knowing she is being looked after and she is definitely more cheerful Perhaps you could have a chat with him and explain you are finding it a struggle , maybe you could suggest a carer to help you both If he has a macmillan nurse have a chat withem as well , they could do a referral for youor the district nurses Dont feel too guilty about the children I am sure they understand their grandad needs your help Ihope he will accept some help though for both of you , please let us know how yu get on Best wishes to both of you Bridget

[RoisinParticipant]

Thank you all for your support and concern, it is lovely to know that there are people whio take the time from their own caring duties and illnesses to offer a few words of suupport to others.. Its nice just to know that there are people out there who actually understand what we are going through. I have spoken to his GP and he is arranging for someone from the pallative care team to come out an assess him with a view to offering more help. He still insists that he does not need it and is adamant that he will never leave his home to be looked after elsewhere. I will be there when they come to visit so I will be able to explain the situation to them and hopefully things will improve a bit. I am expecting to hear from them in the next few days.

[tomParticipant]

Hi Roisin

You are more than welcome, I hope you all have a good outcome and your Father In Law agrees that he will need help if only to lighten the load for you a little bit.

Good Luck

Tom xx

[RoisinParticipant]

We have been having district nurses coming in twice a day to him for the last few weeks, and this has eased the load a bit. However, he has now decided himself that it is too much for everyone to deal with, and has decided that he would be better in a nursing home. This has been his decision, and I am relieved that he will soon have qualified people on hand 24 hours a day. I have been arranging things today for him, anmd we are just waiting to hear when the transport will be available to get him to the Nursing home. It is a weight of all our minds, knowing that he will be safe and looked after – which is what he deserves.

[PerkymiteParticipant]

I am pleased you have an outcome that suits everybody. My very best wishes to him.

Kindest regards – vasbyte

David

[tomParticipant]

Hi Rosin

I am pleased you father in law made the decision to move into the nursing home and if your father in law is settled it makes it better all round.

Good Luck to you all and hope Father in Law soon settles in.

Love
Tom xxxx

[brochoParticipant]

Hi Roisin I am so glad your father -in-law is in the right place to get the care he needs He is a lucky man to have such a lovely family watching out for him he must be very proud Wishing you a happy christmas and all the best for the new year love Bridget

[RoisinParticipant]

Sadly 36 hours after movinginto the Nursing Home my Father in law die peacefully in his sleep. The staff there were wonderful with him and made his last few hours as comfortable as they were able to. I would like to thank all those of you who have offered advise and support to me, it has been a great help just to know that other people know what it is like. We were all very shocked at his death, for although we knew it was coming we had expected it to be several weeks away. He died on 23rd December, but we are greatful that he did not suffer for longer than was necessary. when he was diagnosed in August the doctor expected him to live between 6 and 36 months. The reality was only 4 months. It is an awful illness, but compared to som people his suffering was short lived.
Thank you once again for all your support.

[tomParticipant]

Dear Roisin

I am so sorry for your loss, its a bugger of an ilness this MM.

I send My Condolences to you all at this sad time.

Love and Hugs Tom xxxxx

[brochoParticipant]

Dear Roisin I am so sad to hear your father-in-law has died My condolences to you and yoyr family love Bridget x

[Author]

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