[GillParticipant]

I have no intention of harping on about Stephen dying (promise:-) )

I will come on the site from time to time but for now I just want to lick my wounds and re-group my life a little.

But I wanted to share the fact that from start to finish the service and in fact the whole day was a huge celebration of his life.

He wanted as he put it "one of those large picnic baskets" and the willow casket was perfect. The Celebrant was fantastic. He came to the house a few days before and had a long talk with me He spoke as if he really knew Stephen and along with all the things that I had said that Stephen had achieved in life he even told everyone that I thought Stephen's greatest achievment was meeting me:-) and of course I did tell him that and I still believe it.

I surprised everybody by reading my tribute (including some fun times) and poem?prose? without faltering. The Celebrant(bless him) had said very early in his welcome address that the reason for me sitting in the front row in what could, to some, look like inappropriate accessories would become obvious quite soon

My poem was by Jenny Joseph "When I am Old" and Stephen loved it. It starts out "When I am old I shall wear purple with a red hat that doesn't go and doesn't suit me"

I wore a black skirt cream blouse and a purple pashmina dressed like a large wide scarf and a rather smart red hat.

Stephen's consultant attended the funeral but had to leave straight after to attend a clinic. 2 of the chemo nurses were there and they came on to what I have always thought was a wake, the caterers called it a reception but the best was my daughter (Donna) who said it was very much Stephen's party. One of the nurses bless her heart had borrowed a top from another nurse who swapped half a shift with her so that Helen could come and not show her uniform.

We left a plastic pot on the back of the table where the buffet was marked "St Cristopher's Hospice" and raised just under £400. Donna and I went to the hospice on Tuesday to hand it in and a lovely lady from the bereavement department came to talk to us and gave me some numbers to phone when I feel up to it

Donna did not make it in time to see him before he died(she flew back from her home in the US) but we went to see him for her to say goodbye. I expect that funeral homes get all sorts of strange things but we left with him his leather wide brimmed hat that he wore in France to walk the dogs in the rain, a bag of wine gums, a bag of little gem gums and as much as he moaned about all the pretty cushions I smother the bed with in the day that have to be removed to get in the bed, the lacy one that he thought was very pretty.

After we had left the lady that was looking after him phoned to say that she had just "put Stephen to bed" and made sure that all the things were tucked into place.

I am sorry if this description has bothered or upset anybody but I have shared so much with you all I just wanted to share all of the above.

On a lighter note Donna had come over for 2 weeks and her brother (Adrian) offered to drive her back to the airport. As she was leaving fairly early he came over without his family and stayed over so as not to have to get up at the crack of dawn.

What fun (and tears) we had yesterday evening. Stephen was a HUGE Rod Stuart fan and it must be catching because I like him but the kids know most of the words to all his songs (I think he brain washed them). Every CD on the shelf came out (believe me there are loads)

Well we went from "I was only Joking" which everybody knew was Stephen until he fell madly in love with me Through "Have I told You Lately That I Love You" To "Forever Young" which was always for our kids and most tracks in between.

His taste was quite wide so between jazz and Fleetwood Mac and the other 100 or so from his colection that the kids got out and left on every surface going. Cases in one place Cds in another. It took me ages to clear up after they had left:-S and my brain is not working so well at the moment They are stored alphabetically (Have to be with so many)so I was even having trouble with my ABC

When Donna and Adrian first came over just before the funeral I had nothing in the house to make a meal of So we went to our local "eat all you like" chinese restaurant.

2 of the regular waitresses came up to seat us and one said where is the man. When I replied "he died" one stood with tears running down her face and the other sobbed so hard that another waiter came and led her out to the back. One said but he was such a lovely man (something many people have said and he was). I told them that I will still come but on my own and was told "you are not on your own we are here" and I got huge hugs. The problem is that the nicer people are the more upset I get How bizarre is that?

If you have been up to reading this waffle thank you very much. If you haven't I understand completely.

I wish you all the very best of health and luck and hope and pray that a cure is just around the corner.

Love and huge hugs from Gillxx

[jmsmythParticipant]

Dear Gill

By no means was your post waffle. I read it a few time with tears on my face. I had followed your and Stephen 's journey for some time. I loved your trips to France and your wee dogs. Stephens farewell sounded so good, although sad, it was a celebration of his life and in a contradiction of terms -happy. I would love to have seen the red hat. I'm sure Stephen would have loved it.

I understand you need of a break from Myeloma but I hope that you feel you pop in now and again (like Min) just to let us know how you are getting on – sad and happy times.

It was a pleasure to 'know' you and Stephen and I know it will take you a long time to feel some sort of normality, but I wish you all the best in the world.

My love, thanks (for your advice, support and friendship) and thoughts are with you and your family
Love Jean xxx

[eveParticipant]

Hi Gill

May I say you should be very proud of your self,because you not only gave Stephen a good send off,but you did it in style,

I have enjoyed reading your post,I did not cry but smiled and laughed,I can only say,it was like hearing you talking about Slim,even to Rod Stewart. If there is another life,you can bet he will be looking down on you and laughing.

Open those doors that are in front of you,but be slow to shut the once behind you,we will be there if you need us Gill. Love Eve

[mhnevillParticipant]

Dear Gill

I am so glad you and the family were able to give Stephen such a grand, and appropriate, send off. Just what he would have wanted.

Having been involved in many funerals in my former existence, I always say that the funeral is the last thing that we can do for our loved ones.

Thank you for sharing with us over such a long time and being part of this myeloma family, even if it is one none of us would want to join!

You are very brave. Much love for your future.

Mavis xxx

[zasrsParticipant]

Dear Gill

My love to you and your family. I am sure like me and the others who have lost our loved ones you will contribute to the disscussion group.

With love Sarah

[tomParticipant]

Hi Gill

Well what a read and a well done you it sounds like it went well.
Your Post wasn't a waffle it was warm funny and it oozed the strenth that you have always had it made me smile it made me cry (yep Gill you made me cry)

I understand about being away for that "Regroup" and I hope it comes to you fast.

You have am sure heard all the sayings so all I will say for Now is it was a Pleasure meeting Stephen (on line through you) and I thank you for letting Me be part of his Life.

I know we will catch you pretty soon as you are a very strong young Lady, so for now Lots of love and Hugs.

Love Tom xxxx

ps am sure you still have my Email addie xxxx

[PerkymiteParticipant]

I loved your Waffle as you put it, like Tom and the others it brought a tear to my eye. I feel, through you, I have shared Stephen?s journey, one we will all have to make at some point, and I thank you for that.

My faith allows me to believe of an existence after death and in my world Stephen is looking down at you now and I am sure he is thinking what a wonderful person he married. May your God go with you.

Now is the time to Vasbyte, lift your head and face the world with a tear in your eye maybe but let there be a smile on your face, I am certain that is what Stephen would have wanted.

Love
David

[HelenParticipant]

Hi Gill
A lovely waffle, Stephen must have been very lucky to have had you in his life. Good luck, keep in touch
Helen

[DaiCroParticipant]

Hi Gill,

Your waffles always hit the spot… unerringly.8-)

Thank you for always being just you, please keep in touch… here and especially with Min, Sarah, Tina etc.,

You are in my thoughts constantly… I admired Stephen greatly, he was my role model… and you were and remain my friend.8-) 🙂

Warmest regards:-)

Dai.

[TinaParticipant]

Dear Gill,

So glad you got through the funeral with a few laughs in rememberance of Stephen who I am sure would have appreciated your style! he sounded like a wonderful man. As you join those of us that have lost our loved ones I hope that you continue to let us know how you are doing from time to time.

Love from Tina XX

[LornaParticipant]

Hi Gill

I just wanted to add my voice to those before me who have said don't leave us for long.

I too have fond memories of you both and remember how much you helped me when Mike was first diagnosed.

I think us carers will always need you, Sarah, Min, Tina and others who have already had to travel the darkest path.

Love Lorna x

[DaiCroParticipant]

One of my favourite poms… and the one read by Gill at Stephen's celebratory funeral:

[b]Warning[/b]

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

[b]Jenny Joseph[/b]

[GillParticipant]

Thank you for that Dai

It was very much one that both Stephen and I loved It maybe explains my smart red hat and purple pashmina. I still have a purple dress ordered for his funeral but unpacked and unworn as it seemed a bit over the top. (we were both a bit non conformist but there are certain things that one does not do and dresses are not my thing.) Mind you I believe that purple used to be a mourning colour. Stephen would have known. He loved English History (sorry Dai Welsh history never came into it. xxxx

Keep well all of you Gill xxx

[VickycParticipant]

I am glad you waffled, you are making our own grief understandable. We are all coping differently, but one thing is the same, we are desperately missing our loved one. I am unable to talk to anyone incase they are nice to me as I know I will break down. We have my dads funeral on Friday, and I am dreading it. I'm hoping it's because I don't want to say goodbye. It's us left behind who are now suffering, your husband and my dad are no longer in pain and are mm free. Vickyc

[GillParticipant]

I hope your dad's funeral is a great celebration of his life. Good luck and keep strong for your dad

Love from Gill

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