Pamela, oh my goodness you have given me such inspiration!!
I had a look at the website you suggested – Winstons Wish – heavens I was in floods of tears reading through some of it, but what a wonderful, fantastically brilliant site. I can't thank you enough for sharing this information, I'd never have come across it otherwise. I remember seeing adverts on TV for the Mummy Diaries and thinking "oh I must avoid that" as I'd just break my heart watching it (I'm such a big softie). I saw the links on the Winstons Wish website, so I'll definitely watch it now (when I have the house all to myself and a box of tissues beside me!).
I love your idea of the wooden box and saving up keepsakes from walks and days out, perfume and handprints, wow all such wonderful reminders of better times …. I do hope we get some of these with John and ofcourse I'm now kicking myself that I hadn't thought of this sooner. What an amazing mummy you are, I take my hat off to you, bless you.
I'm so filled with inspiration now and want to get started, thank you thank you so very much Pamela.
Sending love and a huge hug
Angelina xx
Thank you Eve for your lovely message.
You are right about hanging onto the fact that he didn't sign the "DNR" form – he has told the nursing staff that he wants every treatment possible to keep him here – so that is a HUGE positive, and ofcourse shows he's not quite ready to throw in the towel just yet.
The more I think about the memory box and book the more I feel its right to go ahead. All the lovely messages of support have helped clarify my thoughts.
Thank you so much for helping, and for thinking of us too.
Sending love
Angelina xx
Oh Roz bless you for taking the time to reply.
Your love and devotion to Michael comes through loud and clear, I admire your strength and courage and truly believe he is still with you yet. I don't think you are daft at all for speaking with him every day, I think he'd be quite put out if you pretended he wasn't there! I'm a very spiritual person, have had lots of proof of "afterlife" if you want to call it that. The girls and I are very fond of angels and work with them daily. I too speak to loved ones who are no longer physically here, so I don't think you are daft at all. Sometimes its a smell, a tickle on your cheek, a song on the radio …. all little signs which say "I'm still here you know". I find it comforting.
The memorial garden is a wonderful tribute and everlasting reminder of the joy you both found in the garden with nature free all around you. I wish you well Roz with your plans for the garden, you'll be so proud of your achievement when its all done and you can sit and enjoy it and ofcourse Michael will be sitting with you too, I've no doubt about that.
Sending you love and a bucket of strength and thanking you for your kind words and encouragement, I understand completely what I have to do now.
Angelina xx
Bless you Jo.
And a belated Happy Birthday to you too:-D Hope you had a fun-filled day.
I'm doing lots of decorating around the house whilst John is away. Lots of deliveries too of disability aids for him – the stairlift should go in next week I believe. Busy busy …. but such fun!!
Sending healing thoughts and love too
Angelina xx
Oh Eve, you've made me chuckle thinking of poor Slims "vision" in cowboy boots! 😀 Thank you for the reminder, and also thank you for thinking of us.
Heavens, what a time we've had here at home. I can't tell you how relieved I was when we got told there was a bed at the hospice for John – isn't that awful being so happy to send him away?!
After he was discharged from hospital last month his bone pain got increasingly worse … doctors increased his fentanyl patch twice and allowed him to take breakthrough medication every 2 hours (Oxynorm and Abstral). Johns kidneys don't work great so instead of flushing out the drugs they were building up in his system making him terribly toxic. He was twitching, shouting out, blethering a whole lot of rubbish and becoming increasingly unpredictable – yet totally unaware of it all. It was frightening for our daughters – Teagan is just 5 and Erin is 10. The doctor was out at the house every day for a week and wanted to admit him but the stubborn so-and-so said no!! The GP told him that he (John) was an adult and can make his own decisions but staying at home could ultimately lead to his death! – well John STILL said no! I should also add that when questioned John thought it was 1921! Totally in fairyland, not a clue and rambling about weird stuff, yet the GP still left him at home. What a time I had, and was so disappointed in the GP leaving me to pick up the pieces. John got angry after the GP left saying I was making everything up – he was even referring to me as the name of his first wife!! grrrrrr
Anyhow, John has been in the hospice for almost 2 weeks, safe and sound. They had him in for pain management which has worked a treat … both his pain is under control and the toxicity has gone too so no twitching, shouting or weird ramblings either …. I have indeed got my husband back – yay! The diahhorea from the Velcade still continues unfortunately, but you can't win them all.
Sending lots of healing thoughts in the direction of Slim, what a time he is having …. and poor you – its often the carer who does all the worrying, we're the integral cog that keeps everyone else turning.
Sending love your way
Bless you both
Angelina xx
Oh Dai, how sad …. I've come over all emotional.
Well you really do know how to pen a good song don't you?! Lovely lyrics, so emotional with so much feeling too. You've touched a nerve with me tonight.:-/
This puts me in mind of John a couple of weeks back – he'd completely lost his marbles and had flown off to Fairyland without me! Oxynorm overdose was to blame – pain was so bad he was taking them every 2 hours along with abstral. He's in the hospice now, has been there for almost 2 weeks now and thankfully they've made a difference and he knows who I am, who he is, who the children are, what year it is and where he is now too!! Oh its been awful … he's been seeing strange things and doing odd things and has no recollection now of any of it. Poor soul. This song is very fitting at the moment … thankfully his confusion is now under control, it must be terribly hard on those living with dementia; it doesn't go away after all.
Sending healing thoughts and love
Your #2 fan 🙂
Hi Norman
3 years ago we used Age Concern to get John insurance to fly to Florida for 2 weeks holiday. Other companies wanted around £2000 and some wouldn't insure him at all. Age Concern however wanted a fraction of that at around £120 so they'd be worth a shot too.
Good luck, its frustrating but worth shopping around.
Angelina xx
Ahhh, bless you Bridget. I am so sorry to read of the loss of your father-in-law. I agree with what you say of MM – yes, there is time to gather thoughts and wishes versus some other cancers that cause such a rapid decline sometimes soon after diagnosis.
I can't imagine the emptiness your mother-in-law will be feeling after all those years of togetherness, I'm sure your father-in-law will be by her side just now even though she can't see him …. maybe a familiar smell, a tickle on her cheek or electrical interference (usually TV or a kettle), they had so long together after all he won't want to be heading off on a new adventure without her.
I don't know you personally, but can tell from your posts you are the glue that holds your family together with your wonderful support and advice …. I pray you are sent guidance, support and strength to see you and others in the family through the coming days, weeks and months. Bless you all.
Sent with healing thoughts and love
Angelina xx
Awe bless you all Bridget, what a poor soul and what a rubbish situation to be in.
I'm sorry about your father-in-law not being able to get home to spend his final days, I agree with you, its maddening that the decision is taken away from him, very sad indeed … this also happened to my father-in-law – we decided that if he couldn't go home then we'd take home to him. It was approaching Christmas at his time so we filled his little hospital room with lots of bright and cheery decorations, Christmas tree, fairy lights, nik-naks from home … so it was a little home from home and less of a hospital "cell". After his passing he was brought home, albeit in his coffin, however he came home all the same and did eventually get his wish.
I have you and your family in my thoughts and wish for a gentle passing for when the curtain finally falls. I do hope either the NHS or the hospice can work something out for you.
Bless you all
Sending healing thoughts and love
Angelina xx
Hi Gina.
Oh dear, your poor mum must feel really washed out just now, bless her. Her lack of fluids will have likely caused the low blood pressure – my John had terrible diahhorea a few weeks ago so he was also admitted to hospital for IV fluids, he passed out on the ward and thats when they discovered his blood pressure was low just due to lack of fluids.
Much as its horrible passing on our loves ones to the care of the hospital or hospice staff, it really is the best thing for them (I'm as much preaching to myself here after beating myself up on leaving John at the hospice earlier). They'll be able to pinpoint your mums infection and sort that out for her and ofcourse have her plugged in to IV fluids too which after just a few hours can make all the difference. Sounds like some sort of kidney infection (though don't quote me).
I'm sure by the morning your mums care team will have all the answers for you and will already have started her on the road to recovery.
Sending healing thoughts and love
Angelina xx
ps. more than willing to listen, you're not moaning at all just sharing your experience and yes we do understand xx
Oh dear, bless you … Eeyore, 😀 it was Pooh that got John 😛 lots and lots of Pooh! >:-) on his cycle 2 of Velcade.
It certainly is a harsh drug Dai, but heavens the results seem to be fantastic if your body can handle it. I do hope you'll soon be feeling like your old (or new) self soon.
You are such an inspiration, always finding the positive in the negative scenario. Your team there seem to be on the ball, thats fantastic. My John started at his new hospital today and I have to say so far so good, they were marvellous. He's off to the hospice tomorrow however as still not doing so well and is a complete rambling looney on drugs – has no idea who he is, where he is, its so sad watching him struggle trying to put a sentence together. Anyhow, pain management at the hospice is the order of the day. As for Velcade, well its still on hold for John, but hopefully on the cards again soon as his bone pain is terrible just now, bless him.
Hope you'll soon be bouncing around like Tigger and avoid Pooh Dai, Eeyore always was my favourite 😉
Sending healing thoughts and love
Angelina xx
Awe, what beautiful words, I genuinely mean that. I've read them over and over taking them all in.
with love
Angelina xx
Yay!
Love your songs Dai … I agree with Jo, please do keep them coming … they brighten up what is usually a bit of a dreary day. Bless you, you have quite a talent.
Sending healing thoughts and love
Angelina xx
Sending you both lots of good wishes Min …. crossing my fingers, toes and eyes for you too that all runs smoothly.
I've had the doctor out 3 times today for John – he's refusing admittance to hospital, although he is on the waiting list for a bed at the hospice. Wish he would do just a little to help himself a bit – needs to take a page out of Peter's book by the sounds of it.
Sending lots of healing thoughts and much love too
Angelina xx
Wishing you a wonderful time David!
Wow, what an adventure. Best pack your winter woolies for Edinburgh, its like autumn up here just now, even for us "chooghters"!
Take care of you and yours and be sure to report back when you're safely home.
Sending healing thoughts and love
Angelina xx
