Dear Teresa. And Judy
I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your husbands.
I know it is no consolation, but I am sure you will agree with the thought that they have both fought long and hard and are are no longer suffering.
Its those who are left to grieve who suffer now, a pain which is indescrbable.
The dark tunnel you both now find yourselves in will slowly brighten, but take your time to come to terms with the events of the past.
It may help you a little to know that it is almost a year since I lost Peter,and emotionally it has been a roller coaster. I am not yet on steady ground, but I am at last attempting to look forward.
Just as the myeloma journey is an individual one, so is the journey thru widowhood. Each one of us coping as best we can.
I hope the journey you now find yourselves taking is gentle. surround yourselves with the pictures and memories of he happy times you shared. They will drown out the horror of recent months. Take care
Love
Min
Hi Andy, Proff Jackson is a really nice approachable down to earth man. Tell them at the desk that you are on his list. Or one of t hem may pick up your notes.
There are a few blue badge bays near to the entrance, and you will be on the ground floor that you enter by. At the rear of the hospital. Follow signs for the Bobby Robson unit from main road entrance.
Heaven has gained an Angel,and we have lost a very dear friend. Dear Bridget has been in my thoughts a good many times lately. Imagining how her husband and children are coping with the reality of an event which seams surreal
It stirred memories that I would rather forget and tears that she would have consoled me for shedding.
Her suffering was bourne with bravery and good humour.
The little Dash
I read of a man who stood to speak At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone From the beginning to the end.
He noted that first came her date of birth
Then of the next date spoke with tears
But he said what mattered most of all Was the dash in between the two years.
For that dash represents all the time That she spent alive on this earth
And now only those who loved her Know just what that line is worth.
For it matters not how much we own The cars?the house?the cash
What matters is how we live and love And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard Are there things you?d like to change?
For you never know what time is left That still can be rearranged.
If we could just slow down long enough To consider what?s true and what?s real
And always try to understand The way that other folk feel.
And yes, be slow to anger And give and appreciate more
And love the people in our lives Like we?ve never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash Might only last a while.
So, when your eulogy is read Your life?s actions to rehash
Will you be proud of the things they say About how you spend you dash
Myeloma uk produces a very good diary that you can record all in regarding treatments side effects etc and would urge you all to acquire one,they are available at no charge, but don't be mean, make a small donation .you know every penny is well spent.
Min lying in bed with a minor irritating illness
Hi eve
peter was having platelets almost every other day- of and on -eventualy they gave him an injection that helped.
He never had any with his first sct, but by now you know every one is different. If he is getting them its because he needs them. It all takes time,and the worrying does not stop. But think posative……..
Min x
Dear Siobhan
I am so sorry for your loss.
Your Mum was a wonderful lady admired by all who ?met? her online at mm uk. I am deeply saddened to hear of you and your families loss of this lovely lady, who made the journey with mm with dignity and humour, and a very very caring atitude.
Your Dad must be devastated, and I wish you all the strength to cope with the coming days.
Like many people on here, I considered Bridget a true friend even though we had never met in person, I feel the loss of that very dear friend personaly. But I am glad she slipped away with her family about her.
She will be near to you, watching your every move and sad she will miss out on a celebration of her life.
Love
Min
Our Lovely friend Bridget.
I am saddened to read the news from her daughter, on Bridgets face book page. She gave me such wonderful support from the moment Peter was diagnosed and after he passed away. She will be very sadly missed
Dear Dai and Janet
Now I understand you.
As directed I watched your 'The Wish' yesterday. I now know exactly where you are coming from and hopefully that is the same place as I am going !
I believe it and thank you. Will watch it again tommorow if I can find the time. Off to a new quilting class. Love it. Just the thing to pass the time in the long winter nights, might as well be winter now its so cold but at least its not dark!
Min
Dear Stephen
I understand a little of the pain you are going through. Grief if extremely tiring and its natural to feel exhausted as your brain wonders from one thought to the next in a nanno second trying to make sence of the unfairness of it all.
Please don't forget your children are grieving too. There shorter lives have always only ever had your wife as the constant . You should talk to the as often as time permits about how they feel and include more often the happy times as these will be good memories which will in time block out the anger and fear they will have that they might lose you too.
The more you talk or write the easier it becomes eventually . You will look back and feel proud of how far you have come since that black cloud descended on you.
Its bloody awful while you go through it. But be kind to each other and to yourself.
Min
Its called barrier nursing .Eve. and you must insist on it.gloves plastic pinny and mask. And if that had been adhered to in Peters case he might just be here today. So don't let them get away with it.
That's my drum banged . Only do it when I'm riled up.
Which I wasn't because had a briliant few days
I'm now going onwards and upwards to quote a phrase from a mutual 'friend'
Luv min
Dear Carol,
Im so sorry for your loss, I KNOW exactly how you feel as its eight months since my husband died of mm, it was also very sudden and unexpected. Losing your husband is like being torn in half, I had been married for 40years and to suddenly be without him was heartbreaking.
My husband had been ill with mm for two years and those two years whilst extending our time together, just made it worse to some degree as he was in so much pain and almost constantly undergoing one treatment or another.
It was two years of putting off the inevitable in our case, and watching him suffer and deteriorate and hope for remission was heartbreaking.
The pain you feel will get better, you will adapt to your new circumstances, it will be difficult and sad, and occasionally you will forget that you are a widow. But you will get through it.
Its very early days for you and I can only advise you to take your time with everything. There is no rush to do anything Even the paperwork which overwhelms you can wait until you are in the mood.
In my case that was almost 4 months.
My daughter organised all the official things over the phone, tax man DWP and widows benefit and allowances.
I do hope you have someone you can lean on at this time as I know how useless I felt when she had to go home.
I have found a widows group which has been very very supportive and understands all too well how you feel when your soul mate has gone.
Most important of all when all the friends and family have gone back to there lives and your left with your thoughts these are a group of widows who you can chat with to break the many moments of being alone.
The group is called Way Up. and they are for all of the UK,meeting and more recently organising a holiday of widows and widowers. They are NOT a dating organisation they are purely a support network; with an additional group for under 50s.
When you feel able look them up.
Try and rest and and enjoy your moments of reflection. think of the happy times, get out the photos of those happy times and surround yourself with them.
Love
Min x
Dear Dai
Yesterday I drove home,and decided to cut actress country and drive through Nottingham forest, you were inexplicably on my mind and I kept thinking. If I knew where you lived in notts I would have called in to see you. You must have been typing you post at that time. Bizzare
Instead I went on a journey to nostalgia to an RAF station we were posted to on three seperate occasions which held many happy memories.
I was compelled to go there as there was no one to rush home for. Interesting and sad everything changes just as we do. Not many places left that time has not moved on.
Today is a new day I have cut the grass and now plan to go and give a lick of paint to Peters garden furniture which is past its sell by date but a bit of colour could give it a new life.
I am so pleased the rev and dex is doing you good, throw in some circumin for good measure you look well on face book. 'Nil desperandum,
Will try the movie and let u know
Luv
Minx
I am in the countryside looking after two grandchildren two cats, five dogs and two chickens one of which is broody orpington sitting on some bantam eggs!
The daughter is in Dubrovnic with hubby and friends. Finally the sun is shining been here a week tom and its rained every b day.
Finally the sun is shining and I am looking forward to returning to the familiar surroundings and comforts of home.
Eyes bothered me a lot on the journey here but not had any other insidences since I got here
. Looking forward to booking a Hol when i get home to get over this week!
Will be my first solo holiday and hope I can get up the BA*** to do it. Its not easy this side of mm.
Min
I think debs hit the nail on the head with regards to popping in when your i'll and need the support, but its a different kind of support that people in remission need in order to move forward.
But I look in regularly can't help myself, just need to know your all OK.
Cant just shrug of my cyber friends and confidantes
Similarly saddened to see new members, knowing the utter torment of a diagnosis.
The widows group I belong to as lots of people in the same boat, trying to help one another from afar when you can't find the answers or your just needing some e contact.
Who would have imagined the internet twenty some years ago.
Shame the medications dont progress as fast as technology!
Dear Michelle,
I am so very very sorry for your tragic loss.
It is an absolute tragedy that one so young should have to suffer this goddamn illness particularly when he had a young family to love.
You will have some difficult times ahead, and frustrating feelings too, you will survive and look back in the future at the happier times when he was fit and well, and surrounded by giddy love and passion.
Take care, and be gentle on yourself when grief overwhelms you, you will come out the other side, and smile again.
Min
