Dear Pauline
I am sorry that you are having such a bad time. Reading your post brought back some bad memories. This is such an individual and shi**y disease that people handle differently. When my husband was diagnosed in 2006 he got the family together and told us all that he wanted no research done on the illness and he did not want to talk about it. According to Frank any information that he needed he would get it from his consultant. I was different, I wanted to know all that I could. I found this site and get all support and advice I need. I think about maybe 18 months after diagnoses, we went through such a bad patch, it lasted about 9 months and was the worse time of my life. I could do nothing right, everything I said was wrong, Frank would not discuss anything with me, he pushed me away at every opportunity. I used to leave the house in the morning and not come back to the evening. It was so obvious that he did not want be around. I posted on the site and got so much support and advice. Someone recommended a counsellor. There was no way that Frank was going to see a counsellor so I did. For me, it was the best thing and I wish I had dne it sooner. Someone to listen to me and not shout me down or walk away. You are not being heartless Pauline, you cannot change how you feel and neither can your husband.
I still don?t agree with how Frank handles it, (and there are times I want to scream at him) but I have come to accept that this is his illness and he has to cope the way that makes him feel better. I worry myself sick weeks before seeing consultant but Frank just goes with the flow. Frank is like you ? why worry, when there is nothing to worry about. I am sorry for going on Pauline, but I am not as good with words and explaining myself as my cyber friends. I am sure you will get good advice and support here. We take evey day as it comes and he even talks about how he feels!!! Take care.
Love Jean x
