[ArthurParticipant]

It's been just over 3 week now since my dad passed away just before his 53rd birthday.
I have had to return to University and my sister has gone back to work. We needed to because that's what my dad would want.
My mum is doing okay, ring her 4-5 times a day because I just need to hear her voice.
I can safely say that the past few weeks have been the most painful in my young life so far. Never have I felt so broken and numb.
If I'm honest it still doesn't seem real, but from time to time it hits me quite hard. For example, in the gym the other day, where I cried.

I'm sure, in time we will be able to deal with what pain we are in, but for the moment all I worry about is my mum. I can't stand to be away from her, i need to see she is okay.

Joe x

[HelenParticipant]

Dear Joe
It's such a hard time, you feel as though your heart is going to burst with the pain, but you have done the right thing, even though it is so vey difficult.
Keep phoning your mum, she will understand, if I were in her place I'd be feeling so sad, but also very proud of you and your sister for trying to get on with things.
Your dad will always be with you, every time you think of him he will appear in your minds eye, and bless you for going on with your life.
Do you use Skype to talk to your mum, that way you can see each other too. And is that your dad in the photo? If so he looks so proud of you.
Hang on in there, the going is tough
Love Helen

[mhnevillParticipant]

Hi Joe

Well done for going back to Uni. Very brave of you and bound to be difficult. Do be kind to yourself. Of course you will have times when you feel tearful – it shows how much you cared for your Dad. You can't just airbrush him out of your thinking. Expect this to go on for a good while. Iy is quite usual. It would be a very very hard person who didn't react in this way.

Glad you are looking out for your Mum too. Is she into texting? A very short text can be very comforting.

Lots of love.

Mavis

[ArthurParticipant]

It is my dad in the photo! I ran a marathon for Myeloma in September.
My mum doesn't have a computer, but I ring her and am home almost every weekend.
Thank-you for your kind words. It's nice to know people care, and there should be more people in the world like most of the people on this site.

I'll keep everyone updated with progress!

Joe x

[LeighParticipant]

Hi Joe,

So sorry to hear about your Dad. Guessing by now your uni years coming to end / over. I hope it went ok for you regardless of whether you stayed there for the rest of the year or not.

I was your age when I lost my Dad and had just started uni in Bristol a few weeks before. I spent most weekends going between Bristol and Birmingham on the train to support mum but stayed studying in Bristol and despite it being hard, definitely think it was the best decision. Remember also having those low times when out and about with mates, when the crying hits you out of the blue. My uni was really supportive, through my student advisor, sorted out issues with time off / repeating / re-arranging modules etc. so if anyone's ever in that situation, please make sure you know that's available to you, or certainly should be.

There was definitely something good about carrying on and trying to return to normality which I don't regret in any respect, just make sure you take time to allow yourself to have those down moments as they're important and totally normal. Grief is totally individually, but possibly I think if you don't take time to be sad / reflect / allow yourself to have those moments in the early months / years you'll need to at some point anyway, so every time is good as you're starting to move on a tiny bit each time.

I hope your mum's doing ok too, sounds like you'll be looking after her regardless. 🙂

Good luck for the months ahead and feel free to send a message if you have any questions!

Big love to you and your family.

Leigh

[DaiCroParticipant]

Hi Leigh and joe,

Joe, I think Leigh's advice is spot on. Its based on his experience but I am sure it won't be that far removed from your own.:-)

Leigh, I am so glad that you are managing to find some sort of 'normality' whatever that is… but its yours and it seems to be working so good for you.8-)

My father was treated for lung cancer at the same hospital that I am receiving my MM treatment. His 1982 – 87… mine 2008 – to present sand hopefully a while beyond. My Dad was 57 years and 10 months when he died. I turned 58 last Xmas Eve… it seems weird to find myself living to be older than my Dad… it seems wrong somehow… but I'll take it.8-)

For the first couple of years after his death I kept 'seeing' and 'hearing' my Dad many times. At football matches… crowded streets and shopping malls… his voice on TV and Radio. There were many occasions when my arm raised involuntarily… a call strangled in my throat as I realised what I was doing. It eased and then finally stopped… until I fell ill and I started seeing him on a few occasions but I controlled it and he went away… but I have no excuses these days… I see him clearly each time I look in the mirror.:-)

For what its worth this is a song I wrote when i first contracted MM… (funny that, I don't remember signing anything).;-)

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=6291068

Click on the link… it should play automatically.

This is my story… yours will be yours… but you will both cope… both grow strong enough to support your Mums and other family members… you have your father's genes running through you and as you grow older his gestures and sayings will re-enact and trip from your tongues naturally and rightfully.8-)

Regards

Dai.

[Author]

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