[dawstepParticipant]

hello
my name is stephen.i have wrote a few words but its on the newcomer page.i cant write it out again sorry for the inconvience.
stephen

[brochoParticipant]

Hi Stephen I relied on the newcomers page Bridget

[DaiCroParticipant]

[i][b]' hello to everyone & jean who i have spoken to.

I'm stephen im 47 years old. We have 2 kids joe who is 24 & jade who is 17. I'm writing this now & I'm crying like a baby. My wife dawn had al amyloidosis myeloma.she was diagnosed in aug 2010.sadly she passed away on 29/01/12. She was trying to be so strong, she was so very brave… for the last 18 months of her life my mother-in-law would look after dawn while i was at work. i was usally home about 1pm then i would care for dawn etc until i went to work at 5am the next morning. My work have been amazing.they helped me so much. Me & my son work for spar, i drive the lorries, my son in the warehouse. To cut a long story short my son & 3 other friends walked 54 miles to raise money for myeloma uk.joe & with the help of spar shops raised over £4000. Dawns funeral was on the 8th Feb, that raised over £400. i havent got the exact amount yet, Im waiting for the funeral directors to tell me. Please excuse my grammar. I'm rubbish at writing. i probably could write a book on whats gone on in my life since Aug 2010. We had alot of good times & a few bad times too. i hope my 1st message wasnt too boring. God bless my dawn. i have read many of your messages on this site; my thoughts are with you all & i wish you all well.

best wishes

stephe[/i]n' [/b]

Hi Stephen,

Don't worry about grammar, your words say everything we need to know… about you, your kids and your lovely Dawn. What comes across most to me is your love for Dawn, your love for your family and that terrible sense of powerlessness over the disease and the devastation it has brought to you and yours.

I wish you and Joe and Jade the strength to carry on with life in the way that Dawn would have wanted for you… and the togetherness that will pull you all through.

Regards

Dai.

[tomParticipant]

Hi Stephen

I am so sorry to read about your Wife I send My Condolences to you and your Family.

And well done to you all for raising that ammount of money for us all.

Stay Strong and remember the good days

Regards

Tom x

[dawstepParticipant]

thankyou tom

im trying to be strong,very difficult though

best wishes

stephen

[eveParticipant]

Hi Stephen

I could not reply to you E mail as you do not have an email address on your profile,but thank you for sending me a reply .

Stephen you will not get any quick relieve,everyday you will wake up,and be aware that Dawn is not there.
Min who lost her husband,found by making her world a bit bigger the pain was the same,but easier to cope with,if you look through her profile letters it might be easier explained.

I have a friend Jenny who has just lost her husband,and her take on it,when you step out of the Myeloma Bubble,were do you go,what do you do with the rest of your life.

Well the answer is you pick up the pieces,never refuse an invite,smile although its the last thing you feel like doing,and stay close to your kids,as they will be scared of saying something that will upset you.Get through this first year and you will have achieved one goal.
As Dai uses this phrase in a different way."What ever it takes"
We all know someday it will be us.
Do it for Dawn and the Kids.Eve

[Nicola2708Participant]

hi stephen

all we can do is one step at a time, baby steps as my friend says. i agree with eve though spent lots of time with my children help, they make me laugh and cry all at the same time.

love

nicola

[DaiCroParticipant]

I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to lose a true love. I have been so fixed on the idea that I will be going first that all my emotional energy has been directed on my going and those I leave behind… but Janet has often said that she could go quite suddenly, through illness or accident… we have had five friends go in just those ways since I was first diagnosed with cancer, so we know that she could be right.:-(

Janet was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes about 2 years ago… she takes medication but mainly she regulates it through her diet. Janet has never looked better… she has rude health for her age and we have saved a fortune through her ability to fit into good quality clothing saved from a while ago.8-)

Even now I am deflecting… away from the possibility of losing her, away from the idea of having to cope without her… and not because I need her care but because I need her love… desperately.:-|

So my heart goes out to all those who have loved and lost… knowing that the love part goes on and the lost part makes that love so much harder to bear with no return. I can only hope and pray that you find a way to cope and keep going forward in those baby steps until you find a balance between loss and life and living as 'normal' an existence as possible.:-/

Love and regards to each and every one of you.:-)

Dai.

[eveParticipant]

Hi Dai
I agree with Janet,none of us knows what is round the corner,on a practical basis,we have tried to sought out our lives so that no one has that burden,but must admit it is now with the knowledge that Slim has MM,.

As for loving someone,I feel love can be painful,but would we be without it,I do feel everything has been worth the last 30 years,just sorry that I have not all ways appreciated them and sorry that our lives have been changed so much,but what the hell,I would not like a boring life.The future is just going to be a bit different.Love Eve

[dawstepParticipant]

hello nicola

my thoughts are with you & you family. like everyone says take baby steps
best wishes
stephen

[kaychappersParticipant]

Hi Stephen. So sorry to hear your loss. Not as articulate as the others but wanted to say my thoughts and prayers are with you and your children. Day at a time stuff. kay x

[zasrsParticipant]

Hi stephen
My husband died in august 2011, grief is awful if eel for you and your sons, keep them close they need you as much as you need them, something I keep forgetting. It does get better or so I am told but I am afraid I am still waiting for that to happen.
My thoughts are with you all, take all the help you are offered.
Sarah

[MariParticipant]

Dear Dai,

Your words have moved me to tears. I identify completely with what you say, losing that unconditional love that I feel from Steve is unimaginable and my love goes out to everyone who has suffered this loss, and like many of us, is contemplating that loss at some time in the future.

Maybe we should not dwell on this too much, I dont know,

Mari xx

[dawstepParticipant]

hello sarah
im so sorry i havent answered your message.i havent visited this site for a while.im so sorry for the loss of your husband.my kids joe & jade say i dont talk to them.what do i say to them.its so difficult. like you say ,people say it does get better,not for me either im still so bloody angry.all i want to do is go to bed and sleep my life away.my thoughts are with you to.
best wishes

stephen

[MinParticipant]

Dear Stephen
I understand a little of the pain you are going through. Grief if extremely tiring and its natural to feel exhausted as your brain wonders from one thought to the next in a nanno second trying to make sence of the unfairness of it all.
Please don't forget your children are grieving too. There shorter lives have always only ever had your wife as the constant . You should talk to the as often as time permits about how they feel and include more often the happy times as these will be good memories which will in time block out the anger and fear they will have that they might lose you too.
The more you talk or write the easier it becomes eventually . You will look back and feel proud of how far you have come since that black cloud descended on you.
Its bloody awful while you go through it. But be kind to each other and to yourself.
Min

[Author]

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