how to help as a younger carer?

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    I'm new to this forum, basically I joined to get some advice and reassurance.

    My Mum was diagnosed with MM in August of last year. She snapped her femur in half and that's when they diagnosed her (doctors originally put the pain down to arthritis).

    I have taken some time out of school to care for her since then because ever since the diagnosis she has become depressed about everything and it's impossible to leave her alone for a long period of time.

    She's only 50, which I believe is fairly young for this disease, and her treatment has gone well so far. She is going for a stem cell transplantation in April, after which she will hopefully go into remission. Yet, even though she is progressing well, she finds it very hard to cope.

    I'm 18, so I'm finding it hard to relate to her about this, but really I'm looking for a way of dragging her out of this depression. Does anyone have any tips to do this? How to make her feel better? Or even, is it natural to feel like this as she's only been diagnosed for a short while?




    Hi Laura sorry you and your mum are having to go through this but joining this forum was the right thing to do , there are lots of lovely people who can support and advise you There are quite a few of us who were diagnosed around the same age as your mum and a growing number of people under 50 as well It does take time to get over the shock when you are first diagnosed and it can be hard to see how your life will be , so feeling down is fairly normal The more your mum finds out the better she will feel , if she felt able to come on here it might help Life does change when you find out you have myeloma but not as much as you first fear Having the stem cell transplant could give your mum several years where she wont need any treatment at all. Are you able to talk to your mums specialist nurse? It may be that a course of anti- depressants might help and the specialist nurses are great and very approachable . Do you have anybody else to help you and your mum? It must be very hard for you too Please keep posting and let us know how you are both doing , you will get lots of replies Best wishes Bridget



    Hi Laura,
    Im so sorry you find yourself joining our little group. But I am glad you found your way here. You sound like an amazing young person who has your Mum at heart. For that reason I hope that she reaches the end of her treatment with your help, and you can both get on with living your lives again.
    Laura do you have any support from a Macmillan nurse? If you do please let her know how your mum is coping, and more importantly how your coping with your Mum. If you dont have the support of a Mcmillan nurse can I suggest that next time you visit the hospital you find the courage to ask your Mums myeloma nurse specialist to refer you. Yes you. To one. Once you have had the opportunity to chat to to someone like this you can refer your Mum too,. Mcmillan nurses are there for the cancer sufferer and their carers and have at there disposal a number of tools, courses and therapies that both you and your Mum will find beneficial.
    More importantly they are professional in there aproach and will help your Mum to overcome her fears and depression.
    A friend of mine attends a hospice where she has a variety of treatments like head massages and hot stone therapies. There are many others and they can be very usefull.
    I sincerely hope you find some answers. Everyone has there own way of coping with this disease and I understand how she feels. My husband was similar. Why me. What have I done to deserve this? with no answers that help,when you are in that frame of mind. He is in a much better mental state now, realizing that there is no understanding why certain people are stricken with it.
    Let us know how you get on and keep in touch when you feel you need a shoulder to lean on. Your welfare is just as important as your Mums.



    Hi Laura

    I am so sorry your mum has been diagnosed with mm. What a shock for both of you. It is my husband with mm (diagnosed 2008 aged 53)

    There is an under 50s site on here that may be of some help to you and your mum (I don't think they are that fussy about a year here or there around the 50 mark:-) . Can you talk to whoever is responsible for pastoral care at school? As others have said do contact the MacMillan support line on 0808 808 00 00.

    You can also talk to somebody on the myeloma line on 0800 980 3332.

    And please keep posting here and try and get your mum to post I know from past experience that everybody here will be more than willing to support you and your mum in any way we can.

    Best wishes from Gill



    Hi Laura, Welcome(?) to our group. As has been said you are in the right place.

    You probably have been researching on the web to find out more about Myeloma, a lot of it is quite scary and out of date. You have bags of good information on this site and they will send you a free information pack that will give you all the details about Myeloma you could ever need. So my first tip is to get yourself really well informed about the disease and its affects, like doing an O level. This will allow you to counter your Mum?s fears.

    Next tip is to get some support, you will need it. As has already been said introduce yourself to the Macmillan nurse, [u]this is really a must[/u]. You have two other lines of support available; one is the MyelomaUK nurse – the free phone number is on this site. The other is this group. Most of what you are about to experience we have been there, done that and thrown away the t shirt. So feel free to post; frustrations, anger, good times, bad, just want some advice it does not matter you will always find somebody here that will llistern and where they can help.

    Kindest regards

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