This topic contains 20 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by 
eve 13 years, 5 months ago.
This evening I heard the news my lovely father-in-law is unlikely to last the weekend He has advanced kidney cancer and is 83 but it still seems too young He was only diagnosed last year , although he did have a kidney removed 20 years ago, and up until the diagnosis was a fit strong man for his age At first he was upbeat and keen to take any meds or be on a trial to fight the cancer But 3 months ago he was told the new drug wasnt working and there would be no further treatment .Since then he has got weaker and this week has been unable to eat or drink He was taken to the local hospital today and although he and my mother-in-law would like him to spend his last few days at home this would b impossible without the right bed downstairs and apparently this is beyond the resources of the NHS The second option is for him to go to the local hospice , where he would be well looked after I know It just makes me so angry that this lovely brave man cannot spend his last days in his own home It should be possible for the system to give us the care we deserve at the end of our life and allow us to decide the place if we cant denote the time The new government charter is due to address this issue but I have little faith in their promises anymore Sorry but I had to write this down love Bridget x
Awe bless you all Bridget, what a poor soul and what a rubbish situation to be in.
I'm sorry about your father-in-law not being able to get home to spend his final days, I agree with you, its maddening that the decision is taken away from him, very sad indeed … this also happened to my father-in-law – we decided that if he couldn't go home then we'd take home to him. It was approaching Christmas at his time so we filled his little hospital room with lots of bright and cheery decorations, Christmas tree, fairy lights, nik-naks from home … so it was a little home from home and less of a hospital "cell". After his passing he was brought home, albeit in his coffin, however he came home all the same and did eventually get his wish.
I have you and your family in my thoughts and wish for a gentle passing for when the curtain finally falls. I do hope either the NHS or the hospice can work something out for you.
Bless you all
Sending healing thoughts and love
Angelina xx
Im so sorry Bridget,
I thought the Marie Curie nurses were able to provide beds at home. And or Macmillan!? I think they may require some notice to be able to.
We have a loan equipment department in the council for these type of things here.
Its so sad that he has had to go away from his home particularly at his age, he belongs to a generation that expects to have his last days at home and its dreadful his final wishes can be disregarded. One hopes he is comfortable and your MIL is being looked after too. Im sorry you find yourself having to post about this but if it helps to take the load your more than welcome and we do understand your concerns.
Take Care of your Hubby too,
Love Min
Bridget,
My MIL died four years ago aged 69 and I understand what you mean as it never felt that she was nearly 70. She got her wish to die at home after six weeks in hospital with the help of Marie Curie and the local hospice. The coordinator from the hospice arranged for a hospital bed and for Marie Curie Nurses to help during the night. Iris was home for about 10 days which were tough but she got her desire to die in her own home. Do you have Marie Curie nurses or have you had advice from the hospice staff about what you can do to be able to have your FIL home? Thinking and praying for you all – we all know how tough this bit of the journey can be Pamela xx
I am so sorry to hear your news Bridget… I know that at his age we would normally say that he has had a good innings or that he has reached a very respectable age which is all fine and good if the end is full of dignity, grace and love… but when it is like this, with family having to travel to a strange place and your FIL is denied a familiar place, surrounded by his own walls and his own things… he deserves better and I am surprised that someone in authority could not find a bed, get it on a van and sort out the admin next week or whenever.
Yes, the political will of Govt., could/should make sure that this always happens but in the meantime it looks as if too many people have looked the other way.
I do hope that his end is as dignified and full of love, affection and good grace as everyone around him can muster.
Dai. xxx
Hi Bridget
Sorry to hear your news,It is sad,Usually when no more can be done,you see the Mac Milan nurse and talk about were you,would like to go.If he cannot come home,try for hospice they are wonderful places,so under rated.
I am a great believer in people do not die until they are ready,you still might have time to arrange it all .My thoughts are with you and your family
love eve
Thankyou everyone it helps a lot not to feel alone The good news this morning is he is awake and talking and has even had a cup of tea!! I know this may not mean any change in the long run but just shows how strong a character he is My mother-in-law stayed with him last night but as he was so much better this morning she has felt able to pop home for a whileto get a bit of rest Just waiting on the hospice nurses now to hear what they can offer The sun is shining too what more can we ask love Bridget x
Oh BRIDGET
what horrible news I am so sad for you lets hope they can sort something out for him I know the Marie Curie nurses are brilliant they helped my sister in law with her mum so she could stay at home
Thinking of you much love Jo x
Hi Bridget
I think that being nursed at home all depends on whereabouts in the country you live, here in Sheffield we have a fantastic service (which i have to add that I work for!!) We are part funded by Marie Curie and the rest is funded by the nhs (hence my contract is with the Nhs)we are a unique service and cover patients on a 24hr basis for anyone believed to be in their last wk of life…..The support workers do a fantastic job, they are all brilliant (I work in the office). This service should be nationwide in my opinion. The Nhs is supposed to be changing to allow patients to remain in their own home to pass with dignity. I hope that our service can be rolled out around the nation, We have been running for more than 10 yrs, and I get quite upset that this service is not available for everyone!!! We are extremely lucky in Sheffield, that we have dedicated hospitals, normal ones (whatever that is lol) Weston park which is a dedicated cancer hospital and also the Childrens hospital. It would be fantastic if the goverment allow more hospice at home as more and more patients are wanting to live their last days at home with their families.
I hope you father-in-law is ok Bridget and my love goes out to you and your family at this time.
with much love Michelle x x x
Just sending you and your family my love and hugs Bridget, and the hope thst they can sort something out that is friendlier for him than a hospital bed in unfamiliar surroundings
Eliz
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Thankyou everyone your hugs and kind thoughts are very much appreciated. My lovely father-in-law slipped away in the early hours of this morning whilst sleeping He didnt make it home sadly but at least his wife was able to be with him all the time and children and grandchildren were able to say goodbye too My in-laws met when they were 15 and I can only imagine how hard it will be for my mother-in-law in the coming days but we are a very close family and will look after her and each other as best we can O ne thing struck me today though and it was that at least for most of us myeloma gives us time , for a lot of cancers the disease is so rapid there is little time for treatment So for that I am grateful Thankyou again love to you all Bridget x
Bridget, I am so sorry to read of the passing of your beloved FIL. You have a very supportive family who will be fo great support to each other. It is terrible to loose your partner, but your partner of such a long time – I just don't know what to say.
My love and best wishes are with you and your family.
Love Jean xxoo
Dear Bridget
I send our Condolences and Love and hugs to you and your Family.
Its a Bloomin disgrace that, your dear FIL cant have his last days where he wants to have them.
Please take car and love and Hugs to you all.
Tom xxxx
Hi Bridget
So sorry for your loss, I am sending out lots of hugs and loves
Michelle x x x
So sorry Bridget,
My thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time
Love Min.
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