Hi Roz,
Not having been in this position I find it hard to offer advice – however I can offer an opinion based on what you have told us about Michael's previous option, conditions and reactions.
It seems to me that:
a). The operation will enable Michael's arm to be secured against further infection – and that:
b). If the arm is made good and infection free then he can resume essential chemo treatment. Which:
c). Will give him a chance to get some invaluable remission or partial remission (with or without maintenance regimes) that will give him some quality of life and freedom from the stresses of ongoing treatments. Which will:
d). Give Michael back his dignity and ability to be himself with all the attendant benefits for you.
For me its a no brainer because it is a real, bona fide chance for c) and d) which you both deserve. What you need to know from the surgeon is just how good those chances are. From all I know about this damned disease it would seem that those chances are very good indeed; that Michael has had some damned bad luck topped up with deep rooted infections that can be tackled if and when his arm is mended. Michael has not had the opportunity for the second/third/fourth phase medicine that will give him a shot at c) and d) – so he must be shown/told that those opportunities are real and start with a) and b).
I understand that the disappointment of his relapse followed so closely by a series of painful and distressing fractures, infections and illness has sapped his positivity and his vision for hope. Make sure the surgeon knows this and that he does his best to convince Michael by giving him something to look forward to – if he comes on board and allows the procedures to kickstart his future.
I truly hope this happens.
Dai.
