[GillParticipant]

I cannot believe how devastatedI feel. At the time of his death funeral etc I was so shocked and numb I got through it all. I am on my own here by choice and cannot wait for Christmas to end. I hope all of you enjoy this festive time and are well xxx

[HelenParticipant]

Dear Gill
I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you, it is these times of festival and tradition which often define who we are, and our shared experience which travels on with our children has created stability and pleasure, despite the rows and grumbles over who does what! I do hope you find some peace, the times of firsts is so difficult. Last Christmas I wondered how many more I had, I bought decorations for the tree for my husband and children, making them promise to think of me as they unpacked them, just in case.
You are allowed to feel sad and low, you would not feel like this if you hadn't loved him so much. Give yourself time to mourn and cry.
Love Helen

[EvaParticipant]

Dear Gill,
This is Eva in Scotland. We've a very quiet Christmas and I couldn't bear to have a tree or do a proper meal because my sons are both in Shanghai. I know that I can't imagine how you feel…I also wonder whether I'll be here for many more such occasions. I can't let that make me a perfectionist about every day so I live in my usual messy house with piles of things undone. When I got up today I walked around and took photos of the sun on the fields and the railway tracks around the house. I haven't loaded them in yet, but when I do I'll send you a couple.

[EvaParticipant]

Dear Gill,
I'm loading in some photos now to show you where I live. A couple were taken a few days ago – the rest today. I understand that you wanted to be alone today- but perhaps you can see some of what I saw. We live in the actual railway station.
Eva

[tomParticipant]

Dear Gill

My heart goes out to you at this sad time and with that I am sending the biggest and tightest Cyber Hug I have ever sent (HUG;;;;;;;;;;;;HUG)

I Hope that has helped you a little bit, I honestley cant say I know how you feel because I dont and if I am unfortunate to find out then I hope I also have the great folk on here to give me that hug and that cuddle albiet a Cyber one.

Stay strong and have your cry am sure it will do you some good, BUT also think about the good times, I know you both had many of those and let those thoughts take over and help to make you smile again and the laughter will melt those tears and not make them feel so harsh.

Eve beautiful photo's, and you home looks a picture 😀

Love Tom xx

[eveParticipant]

Hi Gill

I am in NZ,one daughter in Turk and Caicos island,Ruth lost Matty is this Christmas is hard for all are family but we might not be allot get her,but Matty is never far away,so no matter were you spend Christmas,there will always be that feeling of absence .

Gill you have your grandchildren to keep you going,so promise yourself,you will never ever spend another Christmas like this,even if you just go on holiday,.

We all have to cope the best way we can,and I believe you are a strong person,get over this Christmas and make yourself some promises.love Eve

[MinParticipant]

Dear Gill
I understand why you want to be alone. That's how I wanted it. But I wasn't allowed.
I don't know what is worse being on your own, or putting on a pleasant face for those who don't want to see you miserable.
You have to experience the loss of your bestest friend and confidant, lover and carer, because with the best will in the world, till they walk in your shoes, they will never get it' or understand.
I get it and I know why you wanted to be alone. I also know how desolate you feel.
I am away from home right now and can't wait to get back to that quiet solitude.
Much love
Min x

[bandityogaParticipant]

Hi Gill

I can sympathise with you. I also had the worst Christmas ever. My husband Ian was told on Christmas Eve that he would need another operation (3rd since 29 October)to take out the pin in his spine as the wound was not healing quickly enough. I started crying on the morning of Christmas Eve and didn't stop until Christmas was over. This was our first Christmas apart and I took a photo into hospital of us on holiday in Croatia and Ian got very emotional as it was only 6 months ago and he had only a twinge in his back.

i do agree that noone understand what you are going through. My son had invited me for Christmas dinner so after visitng Ian I made my way there. Everyone was in good spirits and i found it so hard to sit there and hold in the tears. I was glad to escape to the kitchen to do the washing up and let my tears flow.

Fortunately Ian is improving and hopefully he will be able to walk and come home soon and have a long remission.

You are in my prayers and I hope you find comfort and peace.

Love Maureen x

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