[VickycParticipant]

I introduced myself a few days ago, and I'm now back informing you my dad lost his battle with mm. We are all numb, but grateful we were all there with him. As awful as we are finding it it must be 1000 x worse for my mum. I don't know how to help her, she is strong but like today when she registered his death It all became to real. How do people go on as a widower? We as her children will support her as much as we can. When I saw the death certificate and it said multiple myeloma I was so angry. I assume this is a symptom of grief. We looked after dad at home which were his wishes. Do you ever stop crying? Thanks for listening. Vicky

[PerkymiteParticipant]

Hi Vicky, My most sincere condolences for your loss. I know how you feel, 26 years ago my 19 year old son died. It took me 18 months to speak his name without crying. You feel the world should stop or something but it just carries on. It is hard, real hard when you lose someone you love.

Your Mum will need you more now than she has ever done, although she may not show it and want to keep a ?stiff upper Lip?. But, it is not now that is the problem it will be 6 months from now. The funeral will have been held and everybody will blend back in with their lives, it will be then the loneliness will creep in. It is then you need to make sure your whole family contacts your Mum on a regular basis. Make her more a part of your life than she was before. I wish you and your family the very best.

Kindest regards ? Vasbyte

David

[DaiCroParticipant]

Vicky,

I have followed your Dad's progress and grew concerned that they took him off all treatment until they got his infections under control… that didn't sound good from all that I have seen, heard and learned during my 4 years on this board.

I feel for you and all your family, especially your Mum. I am sure there will be others along shortly, especially som of the MM widows who will be able to offer far more wisdom and advice regarding the process of grief, although I do know that that process can be so different to different people.

With deep regard to you and yours.:-|

Dai.

[lorraineyParticipant]

Hi Vicky,

I'm so sorry to hear you've lost your lovely dad to this dreadful
disease. My sincere condolonces go to you, your mum and all your family.
Take care, look after yourself and your mum.

Love n hugs Lorraine xxx

[jmsmythParticipant]

Dear Vicky
Sorry you dear dad lost his battle with this horrible disease. My deepest sympathy you, your mum and all your family. Take care of yourself and especially your mum as she has lost her life partner and will need all your love and support. Take strength from each other

Love Jean xxx

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear your sad news.
Love sarah xx

[VickycParticipant]

Thank you for your kind messages. Someone mentioned mm widows how I find this forum? I would love to introduce my mum to this I think it would be a comfort. She has already expressed her need to speak to other widows. Thanks Vicky

[jmsmythParticipant]

Hi Vicky
Min is involved in widows groups. If you do a search on the site for her posts or even send her a private message. Full name is Min Cato and she is very helpful

Love Jean x

[tomParticipant]

Dear Vicky

I am so sorry about your loss but am pleased your Dad was at home with you all.

Love and Hugs to you all at this sad time

Tom xxx

[MinParticipant]

Hi Vicky,
So sorry you lost your Dad, and I understand how lost your mum must be.
There is an online support group called Merry Widows, and another called Way up. I found the merry widows too depressing personaly. But joined way up after about 4 months. Before then I don't think it would have helped as life is one big blurr of heartache and confusion. It takes quite some time for the reality to sink in that your lifelong partner is not coming home. Your mum needs a lot of support up to that point as your mind functions a little as it did when you have children.
Ie you lose a lot of brain cells due to distress and anxiety. Panic attacks are regular events once your left to cope on your own, and the intense loneliness is indescribable.
All of the above leaves you prone to illness, so keep a close eye on her.
Way up is a closed, group. You have to request permission to join. You cannot join on her behalf as we are a very vulnerable group and care is taken to vet those who want to join, to ensure we are not exploited.
Sleeping will be her biggest problem, and your gp can help there. Eating is another issue that will need to be addressed as eating and sleeping once the family have gone can be a chore.
Few widows experience a good nights sleep. ( I remember being on this forum in the days my husband was diagnosed, sleeping fitfully but this is entirely different to then)
The day to day existance is challenging especially when things go wrong or break down. The one person who would have helped sort out any problem is the very person who created the 'aloneness.
Having no one to do nothing with is what I miss most. Having no one to consult when making decisions no matter how trivial, is difficult.
I wish there was a course on how to live alone as I had never been on my own for as long as I now have. I left my family home to marry Peter,and apart from time he was away in the RAF we were rarely apart overnight.
Your mum has a major period of adjustment to endure and and will not ask for help, but you must offer it at regular intervals in case she really can't ask.
Give her a few months to mourn before suggesting way up. When she is ready she will know.
Take care of her
Min

[mhnevillParticipant]

Dear Vicky

So sorry your Dad has lost his battle againgst the terrible MM. MY sympathy to you, your Mum and all the family.

Lots of love.

Mavis x

[VickycParticipant]

Thank you for all your messages. The one thing everybody agree's with that this is a horrible disease. When we read it on the death certificate we had this urge to stamp on the words multiple myeloma. Vicky

[tomParticipant]

Hi Vicky

Your More than welcome and I hope you are all going through this as well as you can yes I still think about you all after your Loss.
Take Care and be strong.

Love Tom xxx

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