[brochoParticipant]

Hi Everyone I popped onto the Macmillan site last night and one of the topics was comments people make when they hear you have cancer Some were heartbreaking , especially to the mother of a young man who died of breast cancer But a lot were just downright daft What annoys you the most or makes you laugh? Some comments just hurt dont they Maybe we should have a rant on here and let it all out The one that is starting to niggle me when I am feeling grotty is " Ooh you look really well are you better?" So come on lets hear yours funny , sad or downright make you want to punch them !! love Bridget x ps can you tell it was Dex day yesterday? Haha

[RozParticipant]

Hi

Shall I tell you what my GP phoned up and asked me after loosing Michael..
It was "Do You Miss Him", I just sobbed my heart out and then he said "of course you Miss Him"

I then said to my carer what a thing to ask me.

Roz

[brochoParticipant]

Oh Roz what a stupid stupid man to say something like that to you Its a wonder you didnt punch him on the noseJust goes to show even the healthcare professionals get it wrong sometimes love Bridget x

[eveParticipant]

Hi Ladies
The worst thing that was ever said to me concerned my first grandchild who has cp.I was walking him,and met a male friend who new my daughter,and was explaining why Matty was in a wheelchair.
He asked if my daughter Ruth was going to keep him!!!!!!!I often feel like coming out with comments{no hes going out with the rubbish] just to see the look on there faces LOL.
As he has grown older it is harder because he is a very bright child,although his body has little movement,its a bit like being in a zoo,only he is the animal that people look at,[ not very nice]
The worst one for my daughter was at Pembury Hospital,A nurse was going to give Matty some medicine,My daughter as usual questioned what was being given,and the stupid nurse right in front of Matty,told my daughter if he did not have it he could die!!!!
Slims little blip was on the way to ITU,a young doctor said,we are taking you to ITU,I cannot promise you,you won,t die !!!!,he didn,t even ask,!!!

I can laugh now but at the time,it doesn,t seem funny, love eve

[brochoParticipant]

Hi Eve how you must have wanted to give him a clout!!A similiar thing happened to me when my youngest daughter was diagnosed withCystic Fibrosis , someone who I thought was a good friend said it would have been better if she had died!! I have not spoken to her since!! How old is your grandson? It makes me so cross when people cannot see further than the end of their nose !!You must be very proud of your grandson and I bet he is able to handle stupid remarks well having you for a nan !! love Bridget x

[MinParticipant]

Before Peter was diagnosed with MM he was attending the renal unit for kidney failure. Every week he had blood and urine tests and one week after he had had an xray for a back pain which showed his 1st 2 crushed vertibrae his blood results taken the previous week showed raised calcium level. She said cant understand why you should have a calcium reading this high. Peter remarked innocently that he had been drinking gallons of milk…… She asked him to stop drinking milk !!!!!!!
The next week I asked her what they planned to do about the problems with his back and the pain he was in and she said………Just rest and they will mend…
Months later as he continued to deteriorated she said I dont understand what it going on with you Peter….. your a mystery..
This is the point at which I had had enough and said Would it help your mystery if I told you Peters mother had died of myeloma. NO NO its not possible she said….. myeloma is not hereditary… indicating to me she understood what MM was but did not associate him with having it.
My daughter and I had already diagnosed Peter from the internet, we were exasperated.

[brochoParticipant]

Hi Min your post just goes to show professionals are just as capable of stupidity as the rest of us!! The scary thing is these people literally have our lives in their hands so I do expect more from them As for the professional arrogance that doctor showed in not considering that just possibly Peter may have myeloma and doing a simple test they are the absolute worst in their profession !!Grrr now I am going to wander around the room muttering to myself about the arrogance of some doctors , thank goodness for the good ones Hope Peter has had a good day and has an even better one tomorrow love Bridget x

[MinParticipant]

I have seen that Dr almost every day in a corridor in the past two weeks and she looks away whenever she sees me………she should be hanging her head in shame. If she had acted sooner Peter could have been treated long before he deteriorated

[eveParticipant]

Hi
Thought of some more stupid remarks,
When Slim was in A&E,being sent home,I pointed out his bp 60 over 40 told it did not matter!!!!!!
|Fathers Day went to barby,first time out with people for a long time,daughters sil,came over saying Slim you look rearly well,I expected you to be looking,ill and grey looking,did not comment on his 5inch height loss or weight loss of 4 1/2 st.:-S
The best one was when he came home from hospital,a friend who I had not seen for 6 months,Slim had gone to lie down,as he shut the door ask me had he made a will LOL
The ones i like they see you pushing a wheel chair,quick look,avoid I contact and cross the road,i think there scared they might catch it.

Bridget my grandson,is now 15,he cannot talk,and has eye problems as well,connection to brain rather than eyes not working,He is a fine example when a midwife is not fit to do her job,they waited until the court case was over before they got rid of her,but she still retired early on a full pension,grrrrr you can accept mistakes happen,its just the lies that followed
now you might realise why I question every thing,there even getting use to me in the hospital,I no longer have to ask for results of,bloods klc,mri,cat scans.Feel if i have some control,also helps if you can produce results quickly,they tend not to believe you if its verbal.

best wishers Eve

[DaiCroParticipant]

Its old hat for some f the regulars here but I was diagnosed with Secondary bone cancer, primary unknown and that prognosis stayed with me for 14 months. They tested for MM but only for heavy chain, missing the urine test, which my Nottingham consultant called a 'medical student level mistake'. After just 3 months my local hospital passed me onto a hospital in another area, 80 miles away, to the Head Of Nuclear Medicine who had treated my crushed vertebrae… under 9 months of his 'care' I received 1 shot of radiotherapy for shoulder pain… he took the notes from my local hospital as 'bible' and did not take 1 single blood test or carry out any other form of investigation apart from a series of x-rays after being being pressurised by my GP to give me a CT Scan (the Radiologist called her boss in during the CT and he sent me for the X-rays – which showed very aggressive uptake in 8 areas not marked down by the local hospital results.

My GP told me that my consultant wanted to 'see' me urgently… he told me that I would now most probably get the investigations and treatment I should have been getting from the stat (instead of the disbelief of my complaints that had been his usual MO).

Instead I was treated to a diatribe consisting mainly of my inability to 'accept' my condition… that until the primary showed itself there was to be no treatment or investigation of any type 'whatsoever' and that, in his very own words, 'I will more than likely see you on my mortuary slab and still not know what your primary cancer is'. To which he sat back in his chair as if to say 'well that's shut you up'. I just got up and told Janet, who like the nurse in attendance could hardly believe her ears, that we were going:-0

Four weeks later we had upped sticks from out beautiful Pembrokeshire, travelled lock, stock and barrels 270 miles and found ourselves a rented house and an excellent oncologist in Nottingham City Hospital (thanks to my GP) who diagnosed me and transferred me to my haematologist team within three weeks… and I was away. 😎

And no thanks to the Doctor I am still here… I have no doubt 'whatsoever' that if I had stayed under his care that I would have been dead by Xmas, 2009.>:-(

Dai.

[BADGERParticipant]

Hi All

after reading these posts the old program your life in their hands come to mind it makes me shudder when I hear these tales. My GP sent me home to take paracetamol "you have a virus" I collapsed next day my husband took me straight to hospital with double pnuemonia and renal failure. They all seem so callous about it why did some become doctors just for the money! caring seems to have gone out of the window with some of them:-/
Love Jo

[brochoParticipant]

Hi Eve Jo and Dai your posts just highlight the problems when health professionals become so arrogant it makes them more than negligent bordering on criminally deficient In your grandsons case Eve one woman has ruined his chance of a normal life , you must have been heartbroken and to not admit it was their mistake until the very end is truly despicable but so often the case when they are called to account for their actions. Eve I learnt when Siobhan was a baby that I or another family member needed to be with her in hospital to make sure she got what she needed at the right time and like you I question everything and look things up Dai that wretched man who was so cavalier with your life and health is the most arrogant doctor I have ever heard of , I remember reading your first post and crying at the sheer inhumanity Thank goodness you moved and got the treatment you deserved, I would be tempted to send him a postcard but then again he wouldnt get it would he!!! Jo your gp should be shot !!How on earth could he have not known you were so ill The thoughtless silly comments by acquaintances , friends and family are one thing but these professional( not sure they deserve that title) just beggar belief and questions need o be asked about their fitness to practice Thank goodness for all the medical professional who are good at their job and show humanity and compassion as well , at least there are lots more of the good ones love Bridget x

[eveParticipant]

There is all so a good side for example I changed my gp within the practice because i felt I needed someone who would listen to me.The new gp is a lady and talking to her,she told me on mondays she does her home visits in her own time before she starts surgery,i bet not many gp do that.
When Slim was going to ITU he was rambling on about getting married,and a lovely nurse arranged the wedding ,It took afew hours to arrange and we were married that night,These are just a few of the nice things that people have done,
My friend Ann who had my dog for 22 days,is another one,her husband has lung cancer ,yet she finds the time to help me out with the dog,so there are lots of good people out there,may be we should celebrate ,all these nice people who go that extra mile to help people!

When my daughter was expecting another child after Matty,the consultant sat her down and promised he would personally be there at the birth and he was.
Also another doctor,apologised to her for the dreadful time she had,although it was nothing to do with him.

The people who raise money for myeloma.
I have a believe that if we learn something from a bad experience it has not been in vain,and it makes us better people.
I will leave you with those thoughts love eve

[Author]

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