[JudyParticipant]

Its now 2 months since Nigel passed away, but I feel each day is getting harder. I miss him so much and feel deprived he was taken away from me so suddenly. I expected to nurse him not him go overnight.

I really cannot understand why he went so suddenly when he was told he was in remission on the Tuesday but dead on the saturday because he had no platelets when he was admitted into A&E on the Saturday I need answers why wasnt there any signs. Sorry but cannot get this out of my mind

[mhnevillParticipant]

Dear Judy

So sorry you are having such a hard time although it is very understandable given the circumstances. You are entittled to answers. I do hope someone is helping you to get them. Have you put a complaint in? The Hospital's PALs service should be able to help you if you haven't got anyone else on side.

Have you family to share this grief with? It is vital to dredge your memory for remembrances of good times you and Nigel had together.

Do keep in touch.

Lots of love.

Mavis x

[eveParticipant]

Hi Judy
It is not unusual to feel this way,after a few months any one will tell you it is part of the grieving process.You want answers and are entitled to ask questions.

I have always made a point of keeping records of blood results as they can tell you a lot about a persons condition.

When you saw the consultant on the Tuesday who told you your husband was in remission,were there not bloods taken before consultation!!!!!!!
Did your husband have an autopsy !!!! did they give you an explanation other than he had no platelets!!!!Why did he get taken to hospital.!!!
Did you see the consultant after your husbands death for an explanation!!!.

Platelets take a long time to reproduce themselves ,there is a condition were the body needs help to produce more injections or a closer match of platelets are needed.
If the neutrophils are down below 0.5 then you are considered to be neutrapenic and need treatment.

I would be asking to see the consultant take some one with you,and ask questions,better to know than keep asking your self WHY.
I hope this is some help,it might be worth ringing Ellen,who cannot comment on your case,but will be able to tell you some facts.

I myself have taken Slim into A&E and why they dithered around waiting for results of blood test,I have had to stand my ground and tell them to give him antibiotics,as time is of the essence.No fun standing up to a doctor,but learnt my lesson from previous experience when they turned him away from A%E and admitted with septic pneumonia.9 days ITU.

Hope this helps,will not bring him back, but should answer WHY.Eve

[MinParticipant]

Hello Julie,
Its perfectly normal as a widow to have these questions and doubts.
Is there more I could have done. More the medical profession should have done.
In my case after peter died, I wanted answers too.
But some of the side effects of suffering a sudden bereavement, like post traumatic stress disorder,
Were so debilitating. I realized that to persue that cause was going to prolong and perhaps exacerbate
My problems that I decide against it.
Nothing was going to bring him back.
I got so anxious that I could go blind temporarily and had minor petty mal attacks .
When the mind hurts the body reacts, and you need to mend from the pain of loss before embarking on something that will take you to the edge.
Coping with grief is a very hard and tiring period. Your mind flits about at a rate of notts landing on one subject just enough to upset you, before like a butterfly it goes off into another tangent.
Landing momentarily both to annoy and rest then stir memories of the worst kind.
It is a very different journey to that as a carer as this journey is taken alone.
Without the one person you could always rely on to help you come to some understanding.
Ask yourself are you strong enough at this early stage to fight. And what outcome do you expect at what personal cost
I struggled long and hard and I WAS a very strong person. But in the end nothing is going to stop this lonliness ..Adjusting and coming to terms with your loss is so bludy hard I would urge you to consider very carefully the way forward
Min

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