This topic contains 27 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by 
Gill 11 years, 7 months ago.
Hi, Well Howard lost his fight on 8th August, he was 67, I am absolutely devastated, we had been together for 40 years, he was diagnosed beginning of Feb this year, he was so ill on all the treatments, he used to be such an active man, always working, why does it happen to the ones who don't deserve it.
I am finding it very hard to get through this, it isn't getting any easier, I so miss someone to chat to, it feels so lonely now, not sure what to do anymore, my life has certainly changed.
Everyone around me are getting on with there's, which can only be expected, people are so busy with what they are doing, I am starting to feel left behind, just a bit of a chat now and then would feel good.
Mostly now I am upset, there isn't a day goes by that I can get through without feeling like this, so many things set it off.
I only have to see a couple and this sets me off, I feel absolutely dreadful, can't see much purpose anymore. Don't really know what else to say.
Gail
I am so sorry for your loss, its such a hard thing to lose a loved one to this awful disease.
I am thinking of you and your family at this sad time xx
HI Gail,
I am so very sorry that you have lost the love of your life so quickly to this damed disease. While we are all made very aware that MM is a terminal disease most sufferers get some sort of relief and remissions from treatment… but very occasionally there are cases where treatments fail to stop the disease.
Howard sounds like a fine husband and a fine human being… he did not deserve either the disease or its end.
I am way down the line of MM and fighting to survive as long as I can,,, but with MM you never know. I am sorry that Howard never got the chance to put up a fight.
Please check in frequently tomorrow… I know that thire are a few good people who have been through your experience who will be able to offer caring and sound advices that may well be of help.
I wish you naught but well, please don't despair. You have friends here.
Dai.
Dear Gail
I am sorry to read that your Beloved Howards has Lost the Battle with MM, I am sending you My Condolences and a Lot of love and Hugs for you at this sad time.
I hope you have Family and Friends around you to help at this sad time.
Lots of Love. Tom xxxx
Hi Tom,
Thankyou for your kind words, the hugs at the moment are very welcome, just need to sort myself out and try to move on, not very easy but Howard wouldn't want me being so sad all the time, I have pictures of him around, and I keep telling him off, he just smiles back at me.
Love Gail xx
Hi Gina,
Thankyou for your reply, he was so poorly for 8 months, in bed mostly, this would of been torture for him, he was always in the Scottish Mountains, or on his bike, or swimming, so active.
I get angry a lot these days, it's all why!! Well, I'm going to have to sort myself out nobody else it going to do it for me, I have now to start a life on my own and see how it goes, not going to be easy.
Thankyou
Gail xx
Hi Dai,
I really appreciate your reply, I feel at such a loss now, we were never very apart from each other, and always had such a good bantar going, which stopped months ago. Not much laughter going on at the moment, and when I do I feel quite guilty.
I know I have to get some kind of life together now, but it's hard to even think this.
I feel so alone, don't chat to people much now, would help i'm sure, but hey less of the doom and gloom, perhaps over time things will get easier, I don't know, it's hard to think that just now.
Thankyou
Gail
Hi Gail.
12 months ago. I was in the same dark place you find yourself today. I had shared 40 years with my husband and life had no meaning after his death.
I found a group of people who support widows and widowers. We share our ups and downs. There are lots of downs at first. But the mutual support offered is amazing.
Widows are the only people who understand why we cannot move forward in any other way than one day at a time.
We even get together all over the country for coffee, lunch or many glasses of wine!
In a few weeks time I am going on holiday with 30 of them. We are all flying from airports all over UK meeting with strangers who have a common bond.
There online support is exceptional and understanding.
When you feel able look us up
Way up can help and will help you to understand that how you feel is perfectly normal.they understand the heartache of losing a loved one but we also can smile at having loved and been loved in a very unique way.
Be kind to yourself
Min
Google way up
Hi Min,
I think this is what I need to do, speak to someone who isn't so close, my daughters are going through there own grief, they are all very good to me but I need to speak to someone away from them.
I'm glad you replied, you will understand what stage I'm at, it is all too raw at the moment.
I don't seem able to go out without getting upset, I went out for a few hours last Sunday, it was a beautiful day, but it wasn't a good idea, all aspects of the day made me upset. Just for the fact it was a nice day, Howard loved September days.
I get the odd days that I think, hey I'm getting on the better side, how wrong can you be, then it hit's you, and you end up back in the same place.
I miss Howard so much, life seems so dull now, with no purpose.
Thankyou so much
Gail
Hi Gail
Can't really imagine what you are going through, but wanted to send my condololences. Glad others are able to send practical advice. We are all friends here.
Love.
Mavis x
Thankyou Mavis, I am really struggling at the moment, I was so strong for a couple of weeks, but now it's all tumbling down. xx
Hi Gail,
So sorry to hear about Howard, my condolences to you. Min is right you should think about joining a group of some kind to support you, family are great but as you say they are dealing with their own grief. You mention feeling angry and this is Ok, but it is better to have a way to let this out with others who understand.
Take care of yourself – Howard would want you to do that for sure,
Love, Jillx
Totally understand what you are going through. I lost my lovely man in July, and he was only diagnosed just before Xmas last year. He was only just 60 when he died, and he had been playing football twice week up until the week before he was ill. I'd been with him for 10 years, although we'd only been together properly for 2. I miss him so much every day, but all my memories just now are of the illness. I have been chatting in the Macmillan chatroom tonight, but most people there are still suffering from the disease. I need to chat with others in my position too. I wish there was somewhere to go to meet others. When my dad died in the 70s my mum went to CRUSE meetings, but there doesn't seem to be anything like that now.
Sue x
Hi everyone I done the google for you as Min suggested and here is the Link http://www.way-up.co.uk/ just click the link or "Copy and Paste"
I hope it helps for those that need it.
Love Tom
and if this works I copied (am sure its Ok 😀 ) the why the "Way Up" was started.
[b]A brief History of Way Up
In the Spring of 2009, I asked the then Chairman of WAY, Caroline, if there was anything I could do as a WAY volunteer.
Being over 50 myself, it seemed a good idea that I look into doing something for the chronologically challenged, those deemed too old (by the constitution) to join WAY. Something there was so obviously a need for.
I had joined WAY after the death of my husband in a hit and run accident. Someone had mentioned it to me quite early on??it?s a self help group for young widows?, I was told. I?m not sure what appealed to me less. The ?self help? bit, the ?group? bit or the ?widows? bit.
However, 12 months later, I was told about WAY again, joined up and so began a new social life. A new social life with new friends who REALLY understand. Very soon I found myself becoming an area contact and becoming increasingly involved. By then I was fifty and was beginning to be very aware of people of my age who were unable to join WAY because of the constitution. I hated to think that there were people having to cope with the awful situation we find ourselves in with no support, without like-minded, understanding friends, without other people around who ?get it?.
Way Up was about to be born!
Being very much a people person, my only stipulation to starting a new group was that it was to be in no way computer based. Caroline set up a Google Group and a few weeks later I found myself the owner, no less, of a computer based forum.
Way Up remains to this day very much a computer based forum with members from all over the UK. Our members come from Merry Widows and of course from WAY ? via the ?phone team and the Website- and many WAY members over 50 are in both groups.
The Forum is a place to cry safely, to laugh with gusto and without guilt. It is a place to lend support and seek advice; a place to exchange banter and to share humour. It is a place of understanding; a place to care for others as well as to be cared for, a place to give strength when you can, to lean on others when you can?t.
My hope was that Way Up would develop a network of local groups where real people could meet and spend time together, make friends, share experiences, have fun. The virtual world of the computer is all very well and being able to chat to others online is fantastic but there is, as we all know, nothing like face to face contact.
What has happened with WAYup has gone so far beyond that original hope.
April 2010 saw the very first regional meet when 6 of us met up in the North East and in May we had our first National gathering when 17 of us met in Derby.
We have since camped in the Cotswolds, been on steam trains in Shropshire and on ferries in Devon. We have been on planes to far-flung places in twos and fours and tens; we have been pampered in the Midlands and have been all theatrical in London. We had a first birthday party, we have partied in Darlington and we boogied on down in Milton Keynes!
There are now National meets and regional meets and very local meets. To be honest, if it were practical (or physically and financially possible) I could be meeting Wuppers somewhere every week, travelling the length and breadth of the country.
We are a disparate group, bound together in an unwanted, unasked for way.
We are all just trying to build new lives.
Gaynor[/b]
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