This topic contains 27 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by 
Gill 11 years, 7 months ago.
I have been fortunate to be invited to meet Gaynor at her home. she cooked Sunday lunch for 17 ******** it was my first meeting of other ?wuppers? I was terrified but determined to get out of the house after languishing in sorrow alone.
Its the best thing I have done since Peter passed away.
The support is amazing and next week I am going on holiday to Corfu with 33 other widows and widowers very few of whom have met one another, they are flying from every airport in the UK and Scotland and we all meet at the same hotel. (scary) but I can honestly say I am looking forward to it as if I had not done this I would never have got another holiday.
Children are good but they have there own life to lead and Way Up is amazing at supporting those who are at a low point and unable to understand or cope with there feelings following bereavement.
I got loads of support from MM UK when I needed it, and I get equal amounts of it from Way Up, with the additional bonus of meeting people I would never have encountered otherwise.
Tomorrow I meet with 5 others 2 men and three women. None of them know each other but I have met all but one woman. So we will laugh and cry without guilt or feeling its wrong. We will discuss ourselves and whatever else comes up.
Give it a go wherever you are and whenever your ready. You don't have to meet anyone face to face if you're not comfortable but I met two different men as a greeter a few weeks ago both had lost there wives in the previous 8 weeks and they were so broken but grateful for the opportunity to talk to someone who understood. Im getting them together tomorrow so they can support one an other. Im really looking forward?.
Looking forward in itself is an achievement I never would have imagined 12 months ago. Of course I have sad days too but not too many of them.
Minx
Dear Min that is totally incredible I am sure Peter would be so proud of you I know I am! Have a great time.
Kindest regards ?vasbyte
David
Thankyou Tom. x
Hi Sue,
So sorry to hear of your loss, it's dreadful, it absolutely shatters your world, I thought again it would be a good idea to go away for a few days, wrong again, I've not stopped crying, sitting on a bench by the sea, it's been a beautiful day, Howard loved September days like these, but it's all too much.
I understand what your saying, all I keep thinking about at the moment is what the last 8 months have been like. I'm certainly not ready to go anywhere at the moment, but having said that I must carry on.
Please chat away if you like, I can give you my email if you like, I will wait for you to contact me.
Let's hope we can both start to smile again, can't remember when I last did.
Love Gail x
Your More than welcome try and stay strong Hugs for you xxxx
Thanks Tom, but unfortunately I'm too young at 47 to join Way-up, but think I am probably a bit too old for WAY itself (and anyway the WAY website seems a bit unfriendly as you can't find out about activities or try out chat until you pay them). In any case there doesn't seem to be much happening in Scotland.
Sue
Hello again Gail. I feel for you, going away for a few days is not something I could bear just now. I have a full time job and that keeps me going, although I regret that it kept me away from Colin in the last couple of months, but no one told us he wouldn't have much longer. I guess they didn't know. Even when they stopped treatment they were saying he might have a few months but more likely a few weeks. As it turned out he only lasted a week after leaving the hospital.
He was my life for 10 years, even though our relationship was long distance for 8 of those. I still can't believe that after all our struggles to be together he was taken away from me so soon after we moved in together.
I don't know what to do at weekends, and evenings are not good either although I can usually fill those with chores and tv. I don't sleep well some nights, although I seem to have managed 9hrs on and off last night. My family and friends are all 400 miles away, and I would like to move back to be close to them, but I am scared of doing anything. I know you are told to wait a year or two before moving but I can't wait that long. I did have a kind of break down there a couple of weeks back, but I was still working during the day. It was good to be with them in the evenings and weekends, although I know it won't be like that if I go back to live there and I will still be alone most of the time.
Maybe it helps a bit that I was living alone for several years before Colin moved in anyway. I am fairly self sufficient and I spent most weekends alone, but he was always there to ask advice and we chatted every day. I never went on holiday alone though, and I don't want to face that. I'm not looking forward to my birthday or christmas at all.
I suppose my work gives me a focus, and I am almost the person I was before when I'm there, so I do still smile and laugh with colleagues, but it's so different at home. I'm writing this with tears streaming down my face. Our normal Sunday would be to sit in bed reading or on the laptop, then going out for lunch at a local cafe and going for a walk somewhere or visiting a castle or garden. He would have loved it this weekend too, its been so sunny and he loved to take photos of everywhere we went. I visit his grave every other weekend as its about 30 miles away, but it makes me cry.
I have been invited for counselling by the hospice where he died. I think I may do that. I have had days when I feel numb, days when I don't care if I love or die, sometimes I am angry for all the wasted time, or guilty because I wasn't with him every minute when he was in hospital for the last month, and there are things I wish we had talked about. In fact everything the websites about bereavement say you will experience, I have. The only thing I don't feel is any sense of relief. I suppose this is what we have to go through to heal.
I miss the man he was, and his kisses and cuddles. The disease took away all possibility of sex, and it hurt him sometimes even to cuddle. I couldnt even kiss him in he last few weeks because he had some kind of viral thing in his mouth that caused blisters. They never told us exactly what it was. I miss the closeness and, even though his mum says no one will blame me if I find someone else (how insensitive is that, she was already saying it just before he died), no one else will ever compare with my wonderful man.
Happy to chat on here Gail, say whatever you like. I get email notification anyway. It just helps to have somewhere to say these things, but I wish it wa live chat.
Sue x
Hi Sue
I dont know anything about a charge on the way site but there is no charge on the Way up site and there a a number of people under 50 on Way up who dont like the atmosphere on way, as well as the fact way deals a lot with mothers with young children.
I suggest you give way up a try and if you dont like it then you simply withdraw from it. But if its live chat you want merry widows has a facebook page where you can chat online with others but I find them rather morose and sad to read as I dont need constantly reminded that I am a widow..
Its already evident by the empty space at home.
But when I am down there are people who can pick my spirits up.
Way up does do lots of weekend meets at hotels all over the country so short breaks can be good. Not that Ihave been one, but as someone who loved foreign travel and exploring exotic places I miss that more than anything. traveling alone is not something I would want to do so this holday next week is something a lot of the 800 plus members have wanted but only 30 odd have decided to do it and hear how it went before they embark on it.
Min
Ok thanks Min, it does sound like the older one would be better for me so i'll try it. Sue
Hi Sue
All the things you say in your post are so true but trust me Sue you will get through it and the counselling is a good way to start, I had a bit after my SCT didn't think I needed it didn't think I was weak to need it? DID I NEED it ?? too true I did, started to feel better before he stopped for coffee 😀 had a couple and if I felt the need to have it again no problem would advice people to go with it.
I think Min is correct you dont need to have the constant reminder about your loss and its no shame in having the laugh now and then that in itself will help.
Lots of Love Tom ((Hugs)) xxxx
Thanks again Tom, I will try the counselling, but I feel at the moment that it would be comforting to talk to others in the same position as me. Ive applied to Way-up so will see how that helps. I'm still trying Macmillan chat and it helps a bit to combat the loneliness, but I need something else really. Sue
Your More than Welcome Sue, you are the one that knows what they need and i for one hope you find it.
Good Luck with the "Way Up" I hope its good for you, Keep us informed and we are here when you need to chat.
Love Tom xxx
Dear GAil and Sue
I am sorry I have not noticed your posts. I have been so consumed with Stephen's turn for the worst and death that I have not really been with it at all.
I do hope you are both coping and managing yo come to terms with the loss.
Kind regards Gill
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