Oh David you made me laugh. Just the kind of thing I wold do if I was able but woodwork and me dont get on.
But i read recently about ?Renting a coffin?
Yes you read correctly. Its a hire thing and if your plan is for cremation you hire the coffin up to the point where it goes in the furnace!!! Makes perfect sense to me.
Alternativley I like the idea of a cardboard one. Could decorate it anyway you wish. I like your idea of ?postcards? very unique.
Have you been watching that show about funerals on BBC its fascinating in a morbid kind of way. The lady with the motor bike funeral and Blue Knights was fascinating.
You could get some good ideas for yours from it !!!!!! Please dont be offended as non is meant
MIn
Hi Sue
I dont know anything about a charge on the way site but there is no charge on the Way up site and there a a number of people under 50 on Way up who dont like the atmosphere on way, as well as the fact way deals a lot with mothers with young children.
I suggest you give way up a try and if you dont like it then you simply withdraw from it. But if its live chat you want merry widows has a facebook page where you can chat online with others but I find them rather morose and sad to read as I dont need constantly reminded that I am a widow..
Its already evident by the empty space at home.
But when I am down there are people who can pick my spirits up.
Way up does do lots of weekend meets at hotels all over the country so short breaks can be good. Not that Ihave been one, but as someone who loved foreign travel and exploring exotic places I miss that more than anything. traveling alone is not something I would want to do so this holday next week is something a lot of the 800 plus members have wanted but only 30 odd have decided to do it and hear how it went before they embark on it.
Min
I have been fortunate to be invited to meet Gaynor at her home. she cooked Sunday lunch for 17 ******** it was my first meeting of other ?wuppers? I was terrified but determined to get out of the house after languishing in sorrow alone.
Its the best thing I have done since Peter passed away.
The support is amazing and next week I am going on holiday to Corfu with 33 other widows and widowers very few of whom have met one another, they are flying from every airport in the UK and Scotland and we all meet at the same hotel. (scary) but I can honestly say I am looking forward to it as if I had not done this I would never have got another holiday.
Children are good but they have there own life to lead and Way Up is amazing at supporting those who are at a low point and unable to understand or cope with there feelings following bereavement.
I got loads of support from MM UK when I needed it, and I get equal amounts of it from Way Up, with the additional bonus of meeting people I would never have encountered otherwise.
Tomorrow I meet with 5 others 2 men and three women. None of them know each other but I have met all but one woman. So we will laugh and cry without guilt or feeling its wrong. We will discuss ourselves and whatever else comes up.
Give it a go wherever you are and whenever your ready. You don't have to meet anyone face to face if you're not comfortable but I met two different men as a greeter a few weeks ago both had lost there wives in the previous 8 weeks and they were so broken but grateful for the opportunity to talk to someone who understood. Im getting them together tomorrow so they can support one an other. Im really looking forward?.
Looking forward in itself is an achievement I never would have imagined 12 months ago. Of course I have sad days too but not too many of them.
Minx
Hello Julie,
Its perfectly normal as a widow to have these questions and doubts.
Is there more I could have done. More the medical profession should have done.
In my case after peter died, I wanted answers too.
But some of the side effects of suffering a sudden bereavement, like post traumatic stress disorder,
Were so debilitating. I realized that to persue that cause was going to prolong and perhaps exacerbate
My problems that I decide against it.
Nothing was going to bring him back.
I got so anxious that I could go blind temporarily and had minor petty mal attacks .
When the mind hurts the body reacts, and you need to mend from the pain of loss before embarking on something that will take you to the edge.
Coping with grief is a very hard and tiring period. Your mind flits about at a rate of notts landing on one subject just enough to upset you, before like a butterfly it goes off into another tangent.
Landing momentarily both to annoy and rest then stir memories of the worst kind.
It is a very different journey to that as a carer as this journey is taken alone.
Without the one person you could always rely on to help you come to some understanding.
Ask yourself are you strong enough at this early stage to fight. And what outcome do you expect at what personal cost
I struggled long and hard and I WAS a very strong person. But in the end nothing is going to stop this lonliness ..Adjusting and coming to terms with your loss is so bludy hard I would urge you to consider very carefully the way forward
Min
Hi Gail.
12 months ago. I was in the same dark place you find yourself today. I had shared 40 years with my husband and life had no meaning after his death.
I found a group of people who support widows and widowers. We share our ups and downs. There are lots of downs at first. But the mutual support offered is amazing.
Widows are the only people who understand why we cannot move forward in any other way than one day at a time.
We even get together all over the country for coffee, lunch or many glasses of wine!
In a few weeks time I am going on holiday with 30 of them. We are all flying from airports all over UK meeting with strangers who have a common bond.
There online support is exceptional and understanding.
When you feel able look us up
Way up can help and will help you to understand that how you feel is perfectly normal.they understand the heartache of losing a loved one but we also can smile at having loved and been loved in a very unique way.
Be kind to yourself
Min
Google way up
You gave me something to think of there Gill, I had to dig out the copy of the service and there on the front cover of a beautiful booklet is the title Civil Funeral Celebrant.
So I thought it was humanist but I was wrong.
Should have realized when he allowed the Lords prayer at the end.
I have to tell you in case No one else does. My funeral director was the only one who told me.
The Government pays £2000 towards the cost of funeral expenses for those people who will never claim the old age pension, but have paid into it all there working life. As well as a widows allowance. If the woman from the funeral director had not told me I would never have known as there is very little information (as usual) available for widows.
Min x
Crikey Tom
I never detected an accent in you. Not once did you say ?och? the noo. Ive known you all this time and never known you were Scotish. Im half scot half annoying little ****.
Minx
Dear Gill
There is a kind of Limbo we live in until the funeral, when it all seems so unreal and like a dream or nightmare. This is the time we all knew was going to happen but wished with all our heart we could put off.
I had a humanist funeral for Peter and some friends who are regular church goers commented that it was the best service they had ever been to. Humanist funerals are sooo personal /memorable.
I have his ashes inside a bird bath outside the window I am sitting at now, and whilst we did not have time to discuss any arrangements for funerals etc I am proud to have done him well so to speak. They only went out there a few weeks ago on the anniversary of his passing. Has a whole year passed already?
As for Stephens daughter? dont worry one day she will regret and reflect on her behaviour. But that is not for you to concern yourself with.
I hope it all goes well and that you can keep it together for a time.
Be sad of course but be happy that he came into your life and left a lasting effect on you. Making you the person you are because of him.
Much love
Minx
Dearest Gill
I am so so sorry for your loss.
There are no words to help at his moment in time, other than I am thinking of you.
Stephens passing was traumatic for you but in time you will put that part behind you and remember the good times.
Suffice to say he is now out of his suffering and yours begins in a different way.
Strength will come from somewhere deep inside, and you will begin to relax and remember the love you shared and the good times you had, even in the midst of MM.
Ive had you and Stephen on my mind for days now. Sorry for you loss.
Lots of Love
Min
My dear Gill
Stephen is no longer in coñtrol, MM is, how difficult to see him go downhill so fast.
Somewhere inside is the man you love,and he will be equally afraid as you are. You need all your family around you at times like this to remind you to stay in control just a little longer.
Once they have made him comfortable and possibly sedated him you will find the strength to do what you have to do.
And also the reason to go on., children and grandchildren who are loved and have loved Stephen,are the reason to move forward. Slowly. Just keep loving him Gill. That's what he would want. And do whatever else he would want.
If you need to talk message me with your number.I am here to listen..I can't make the pain go away, but I can share it if you want.
I feel like many people here, for you, helpless in cyber land. But if I can help I will.
Love
Min x
Dear Gill.
I am happy your still able to laugh at life.
Might I suggest that you seek a Macmillan nurse now. they really are amazing at the pain game.
They come to the house it is there job to ensure Stephen is pain free. But not so out of it he cant communicate or join in and argument. I found the support amazing and the products they supply to make life and its problems with an mm patient. No other organization can step up to the plate quite so fast. there are a whole range of things that are available to make Stephens life a little easier. Just simple things like a piece of kit to help him get out of bed. then there are zimmer type frames, seat for the shower or bath etc etc. These are there to make life a little easier rather than struggling and pulling muscles. You will have to care of yourself Gill, its hard and has little reward.
I used to get up with peter in the night rather than worry that he had fallen somewhere on his wonderings to cope with the pain in the middle of the night.
There is a terminally ill allowance which you are eligible for which means you can order the odd take away and have a night off! lol Hope you are now applying for carers allowance too. Your Macmillen nurse will help with all these things and I urge you to get your Dr to send one to you. Ours was an angel.
My 1yr point was made so much easier by my son and his wife. I am living a different life now, not one I chose but I get by.
I feel for where your at at the moment and hope you can laugh and argue for a good while yet.
Love
MInx
Dear Gill and Stephen.
What can I say to ease the heartache I know you are feeling?
There are no words that will make the journey any easier, or less painful
Niether of you can prepare for what life has in store for you.
But with what ever time you have left to love each other, talk talk and talk somemore.
Dont leave anything unsaid, dont find yourself in the future saying 'what if?' and what would Stephen say? You have the gift and benefit of time and use it wisely, recall all of the happy days and times you both had and revive them again and again. Bring back you laughter for a little while. Smile as you recall the best bits.
Happy memories are what propel me forward. Regrets are many, but mostly because we never covered or talked of the future, the future for me. What he would want for me or of me or how I should mourn his passing.
That is the only regret I have because we did not have time, he was snatched away 12 months ago today.
Use whatever time you have wisely.
If you have not done so now is the time to get the paperwork from the Dr for a form to claim the benefits you are entitled to. May just be able to stretch to a Marks and Spencer special with it! Big wink. Be brave Gill, I am here if you need me.
Min x
Hi Dai,
Happy days. I seem to recall that when Peter was admitted as an emergency!! He had similar experiences.
What would they have done if you were incapable of giving them all the meds you were on? Worrying.
Thank goodness you survived the poor quality care. Makes you wonder if you should have stayed at home and called out someone.
Trouble is its such a fine line you walk down, and the advise from the consultants and specialist nurses presumes that the people dealing with emergencies are up to speed.
Tip for next time. Make/print out a medication sheet and times of drugs etc. apply double sided sticky tape and when admitted stick it on the sheet they ask you to sign on admission. It would make far more sense if they asked you to fill in the form for meds instead of trying to get it right!
Hopefully now your home you will pick up. Revlamid used to give Peter dreadful trots. And he countered it with Imodium syrup.(Only available on prescription) Far better than pills and faster working too. You can take a teaspoon full or two or a lick of the bottle lid depending on how bad it is!
Keep you spirits up and give them hell when needed. Might just save some other poor b**** going thru the same coc*ups/proceedures.
Enjoy whats left of the bank holiday.
Min
Oh dear Dai
In the wars again. Hope they can fix it for you. Been away again for a while and haven't looked in in ages .
Wishing you a speedy recovery
Minx
Dear Gill,
Your in my thoughts and I know you will find the strength to take you through
Whatever life has to throw at you. Pm me if you feel up to it.
Min x
