[RozParticipant]

Thanks Glad you enjoyed them. My mate sent them to me so I'll not take all the credit.
I had a bad night. Michael rang then we got cut off.Not been able to get him since. He always goes like this b4 something is changing. He needs my reasurance and to hear me tell him he will be fine without me.
Roz

[RozParticipant]

Hi Michelle
Sorry to hear about your mum! Are all MM patients stubborn cos Michael does things like that and then things take for ever to get better,

I hope things improve for you both soon

Love Roz

[RozParticipant]

Thankyou.
Michael goes to the other hospital tomorrow, so thay hug is needed. I just hope he understands

Roz

[RozParticipant]

Thanks for replying.
I honestly don't know what is the best for Michael!! He started this treatment at such a bad time that I honestly think his body is saying enough.
All day I've felt guilty! I just think he is going through all this pain and trouble for me. I don't want him to die but it is hard watching him suffer too.
I know this revlimid is good, and not as severe as velcade,it is working but because of all the infections Michael had while on velcade; I think it has alot to sort out too.

Hope it does wonders for you.
Roz

[RozParticipant]

Hi
Michael got his velcade lowered because of PN plus other reasons but when he told em about his hands and feet, they just said it is part of the treatment. The Revlimid is doing the same. I don't think there is anything to prevent it I just think you have to lat your consultants know. I've read somewhere that on some people it does not go away. Every one is different and each treatment works differently on each person.
Also Min no-one knows if velcade will work, it never worked for Michael but you may be one of the lucky ones.

All the best to you when the time is right.
Love Roz

[RozParticipant]

Thanks Elizellen, I needed that.

Just found out he has agreed to op without listening to pro's and con's. So more worries on my shoulder. I've been frightened to death of him having this major op and now he has agreed it is terrifying.

Roz

[RozParticipant]

I'm glad things have improved for you. With Michael being in bed most of the time I believe things are pretty bad for him. When they get him up and walking around his room they don't seem to realise how much he hurts. I'll see how things go with him and tell him how lots of others get it with the treatment.
Thanks for letting me know
Roz

[RozParticipant]

Thanks a hug before bed is good
Roz

[RozParticipant]

Hi Jean

Thanks for caring. After yesterdays response from Michael I'm wondering why I care and do what I do.
My husband is a jerk

Roz

[RozParticipant]

Thanks Tom. I've decided my husband is a self centred … who sees only what he is going through not what we are going through.
I needed that hug so thanks

Roz

[RozParticipant]

Thanks Tina
Michael has improved as best as they hoped. The ortheoedic from Northern General will come and discuss if his arm can be operated on, then it's up to Michael!he must listen to pro's and cons and say yas or no. I cannot decide for him which he wants. If his arm cannot be operated on because he is too weak then it's highest antibiotics tablet form for the rest of his life, He then can come home, but i THINK IT WILL BE PALLAYIVE CARE,
If you cannot understand this message I am sorry but we fell out and I've had 3 wines. He doesn't realise what I do and when he comes out he is doing alsorts but there is no mention of me. I'm just the object he uses.

Roz

[RozParticipant]

Hi Jean
Wish I could rant and rave to Michael's consultant. Brian a close mate checks on me daily via phonecalls and tells me to do it to him though. I don't though but sometimes I break down.
It's nice to know I can let it go on here, so after tomorrow seeing the consultant and visiting Michael I may have to do just that.

I'll keep in touch.

Thanks for everything

Roz

[RozParticipant]

Hi Tina

Thanks for more information about the salts. I'm going to the hospital again tomorrow and will be there for the consultants rounds. Hope to find out why Michael is getting UTI's alot, why it was to do with his salts and also how and why ecoli was in his water! Then we both need to know how long they want him to stay in hospital because he has been in 9 weeks now. After all that I hope to find out if and how he has improved.

About people to help me through the bad situations, there is no-one really who know exactly what is happening and how it effects us carers/wifes. Michael's haematology nurse was on holiday last week so she only found out what had happened when she came back. So all what I saw and dealt with is inside me.
No I won't walk away but yesterday if I had had a gun I would have ended it. But I'll just carry on hurting inside.

Thanks for everything
Roz xx

[RozParticipant]

Thanks Mari

This means alot. Unless people have been through or going through what we do every day, they really don't understand. It's nice to know someone knows what I'm talking about. I just think the longer he stays in hospital the harder it becomes. I'm spending the day with him tomorrow, seeing his consultant too. That way I'll know if and how things have progressed and to see if he can come home. But if he continues with the infections the answer will be no.
I'll start and think more about myself and hope this depressing feeling soon goes away.
Love and thanks
Roz xx

[RozParticipant]

Thanks for replying it means alot. I'm going through a bad phrase at the moment being alone most of the time so these little messages keep me going. Part of me wants to give in and get away from this horrible thing that has took Michael away from me. The UTI's are terrible, needing bloods and platelets are terrible, never mind the dex. It's like Michael is no longer Michael and he just hurts me instead.

Been threatening to call it a day but deep inside I know I won't I just hurt alot and have no-one to hug me, when things turn on me like last Thursday. My GP was useless.

Thanks for caring
Roz:-)

[Author]

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