[RozParticipant]

Hi Tom
I'm glad u think I'm doing good,just shows what I show eh.
Speak to you soon
Roz

[RozParticipant]

Hi Min
I know what you mean about time. One minute it seems like yesterday when he went and another minute it seems for ever.
I'm glad your going out and about. I'm trying but depending on others is hard for me still. I've still not had a holiday or break since Michael has gone, I've been told off from doctors but I'm scared stiff.
Keep going strong Min
Love to you always
Roz

[RozParticipant]

Hello Eve

Nice to hear from you. I've got a scooter which I use for local shops and occasional visits to see Rachael and Lauren
Yes the garden is still looking good. Michael's bench and the fence got a revamp this year with colour and varnish.
Hope all is going well for you.
All best
Love Roz xx

[RozParticipant]

Thanks Tom

Yes I've been to see my friend, I've tried to calm her down and ask her husband to look after her…God I feel crap. how your supposed to carry on when seen what I've seen is beyond me.. Sister just left but all I want to do is break..Just shows you, when your disabled your left to rot

[RozParticipant]

Dear Min and Gill

I still go for counseling. Because it took over a yr for any help I had it really bad.
I've learnt to let my tears out and I've stopped blaming myself. My grand-daughter put up my tree, but I just want to throw stones at it. Christmas Eve will never ever be the same again.

Min and Gill please accept my love, my thoughts and comfort the best way you can.
This time of year is hard for us all.
Love to you both
Roz

[RozParticipant]

Hello Susan

Thank you for your kind words. I hope you are coping well. My grand-daughter put my Christmas tree up because I still feel like I'm celebrating his death.

Please try and remember the good times you both had, don't hold back your tears because I found out you need to let them go, I still do that because I held them in for so long.

Please get in touch when ever you need anything.

Love and Best wishes
Roz

[RozParticipant]

Dear Carol

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 18 months ago. Yes it is still hard and yes I'd still do anything to see him again. But when I look back to the man who fought for 18 months to survive this terrible cancer and took his life, I know wasn't Michael. The canvas's on my wall of the 2 of us is Michael.
What I'm saying is try to look positive, even I know that is something very very hard especially on a bad day. Try to remember the husband you married and not the one Myeloma took away. Get help where it is offered and take things slowly. Everything will fall into place but do it slowly. My life has changed and yours will too. When your ready you'll realise that you need to get a life once more. I'm disabled and I now know that if I don't get a life soon, I'm going to be following Michael. My life ends at 6 then I'm alone. So please get friends and family to help and support you. Let them show you that you matter too. I'm learning the hard way. My daughter only wants me when she needs money. I am then alone so I started drinking. I've cut back now and friends have shown me they care. Please please just remember you are not alone and try and do what Brian wanted you to do.

All the best
Roz xxx

[RozParticipant]

Thanks Eve , Eliz.

Eve I know what its like to be there for your daughter, and not have it recupiated don't no if thats the right word. Please don't leave it too long before you talk together, Rachael admits she treats me horrible, doesn't know why, but I have seen she has gone and left me behind. Hope your daughter doesn't do the same… Hope Slim does well with his SCT

I keep trying to move on but then something always happens to bring me back down. The PA/Carer who has been with me for nearly 4yrs has given in her notice. She couldn't deal with me wanted a life!! She wanted to be in charge of me, only work week days and didn't like me needing a rota system which included weekends. So now I'm looking for another PA/carer.

Thanks for the hugs Eliz
All the best to you all
Love Roz xxx

[RozParticipant]

Dai, I wish you all the best…Keep pushing the consultants, and fighting em while you can.

All the best to you

Love and best wishes
Roz xx

[RozParticipant]

Hi Bridget

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you in your troublesome time.

I hope and pray things start and pick up for you. I wish you all the best and wish I had a wand to wave this all away.

Love and best wishes
Roz xxx

[RozParticipant]

Thanks Tom
Your a star who I come to when I cannot cope

Roz

[RozParticipant]

Thanks David.

I think of you all as my mates, you stood by me through Michael's illness.
It's hard and Rachael and Lauren hve moved on but cannot see it so its like loosing 3 people even though they are still alive, but I don't see em unless I beg.

All the best for the future.

love Roz

[RozParticipant]

Hi Keith,

Fingers and toes plus everything else are crossed.

Hope everything is ok with you and your not going through it again.

Love always Roz

[RozParticipant]

Hi Tom

Thanks..Yes I've employed someone else to help me for another 24hrs. I'm now able to go to meetings, see mum more cos she's in hospital and generally get out because without someone to drive me I'm house bound.

And yes I did nearly comit suicide but 2 best mates and mum got me from doing it, If my mate hadn't got em to do any counselling quickly I wouldn't be here now. When your alone 24hrs a day 7 days a week things and feelings do take over.
I'm past that now, but I've been told I'm one of those who doesn't get over their partner dying, I'll eventually learn to live with it, but I'll never stop breaking down, even deep inside.
Any way enough about me, hope your still getting on with your carefree life and living it to the full.

All the best
Roz

[RozParticipant]

Thank you

I'm trying to carry on but it is very very hard

Roz

[Author]

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