That sounds just what the Dr ordered, lots of distractions and lots of positive focus on the future. There is no doubt he will get through it but it is inevitably a long and winding road – he is young and fit – one of the greatest assets going into treatment but it is small consolation for having it so young. At 50 – and very fit – I wished I had got it at 70 and had 20 more carefree years before a more arduous task but as someone once said “ Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing poor cards well”. One of my coping strategies was collecting motivational quotes and my mantra one was “worry does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today of its strength”
Hi – So sorry to hear your news – I was 50 when diagnosed has velcadd n dex followed by an SCT and remain in remission to date and physically life is back to normal. It is no comfort but is age is a very good factor in treatment/options. If you choose to look at survival stats beat in mind the average age of diagnosis is around 70 where there are other health issues to contend with also. He will sail through treatment and the SCT will be a breeze for him due to fitness levels etc. Also, due to age he has so many more options available to him like a donor bone marrow transplant also. The important thing for you all to grasp is he is in this for the long haul – a marathon not sprint. So no rush to know everything now – trust the consultants on treatment options – what you all need to concentrate is your mental health. The sooner you all find coping strategies that work for you the better, MM by its nature of remission and relapse cycle means you have to learn to live with this well and banish the inevitable negative thoughts. I have tried lots of things – mindfulness is very effective, exercise to me was my saviour, for others it could be focusing on hobbies, pleasurable things to outweigh the down times. Also, whilst you may wish to research everything do not offer information to him – let him go at his speed- be there if he wants to talk about it and be informed for him but only when he wants the information. I couldn’t look at the internet for a long time and my questions to the consultant were asked when I was ready to take the answer. On diagnosis I was in shock, in mourning for the life I had and the future I envisaged, it takes time to come to terms with it. Make no mistake whether in remission or relapse it is now with you all forever so focus energies on how you can all mentally cope/adjust to this new scenario. During/after treatment I always had little treats planned – nothing costly – just some quality “me” time doing what I enjoyed – it is all a balance. Be there for him when he wants it – be ready to kick him up the bum if he starts wallowing (no kid gloves) and seek out the positives throughout. This really is a mind game so get your game heads switched on and you’ll all come through it fine. From a personal point of view – I only wanted positivity – no tears (save that for bedtime) – no sad faces – I wanted a pull yourself together attitude “it’s hear and we’ll beat it” philosophy.
Early days, no rush, be calm, consistent and positive
Rebecca
Hi Ann – thanks for asking I am doing good – in a week I will be celebrating 5 years since diagnosis and 4 years post SCT – still in remission and drug free! Must admit as time goes by I get tetchy thinking when will my run of luck will end – as always with MM mind games when you relapse and mind games when in remission(tut) but I’ll take it! I am not on Facebook and haven’t heard from Andy and Helen for a while but both were starting a new treatment regime. Hope you are well and wish you all the best now and in the New Year (and yippee we have another year clocked up!)
Rebecca x
Hi Maureen, so sorry to hear of Ian’s passing. You helped him throughout it all and right up to the end and no-one can ask for more from a partner. I hope the rest of your life is filled with happiness, laughter, adventures and peace. I already get the feeling you realise living is a privilege that musn’t be wasted so I know you’ll be okay.
Rebecca
Hi Sara – my biggest coping mechanism during treatment was trying to control my mind and stop pondering on “what ifs” Andrey and take it Day to day. I started saving motivational quotes that became my mantra throughout in controlling my mind to “not go there” and stay in the moment. The main one I used was
“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, it empties today if it’s strength”
And as a reminder that you are in sole control of your mind/emotions – regardless of circumstance –
“I am the master of my own thoughts….my mind will only obey me”
I don’t need them now in remission but when I get lax and look ahead I bring myself out of it now with
“When life gives you a hundred reasons to breakdown and cry, show life that you have a million reasons to smile and laugh. Stay strong”
As soon as I was able I used e revise to regulate mood/thought and both you and your mum will find something that “clicks” with you. The important thing is that you show no fear and radiate positivity to your mum as this is so calming znd reassuring even when in a very dark place and tha balance of life can be tipped either way.
Take good care of yourself do you can take good care of your mum
Rebecca
Hi Sara – Mm is very individual together with your health to start off with/fitness/robustness. One week it can look bleak take a treatment that suits your MM and you can pick up and rally very quickly. What may appear very aggressive MM is only like that if you can’t quickly find the chemo that will work for you and yours. At 50, I was told a long time later, by my chuckling consultant (he’s lovely) they didn’t expect me to survive/leave the hospital – 5 years on I am doing great ( for now). I have a very aggressive MM on my kidneys – even with just a little MM – however it does not (yet) appear aggressive to treat so whilst the Mm is kept at bay all is well. Everything is so individual don’t believe anything negative until it actually proves to be true for your mum. Positivity and belief makes a huge difference to all aspects of treatment and living life well. Believe that your mum has turned a corner and you will both fear less and live life better ( it is infectious!) if it turns out not to be true you have at least managed to delay the sorrow and prolong the hope and happiness. Chin up and a big smile on really helps until you can manage it for real.
Never stop hoping
Rebecca
Tony – You are an inspiration – carry on carrying on!
Rebecca
Hi Richard – sorry to hear about the Rev but let’s hope the next one is even better – will be interested to hear of option availability in Germany. Never ceases to amaze me how individual it all is as we started at the same time – we are all heading in the same direction but going along different routes/twists n turns – here’s hoping we enjoy a long meandering path, with minimal bumps, at a snails speed only!
Rebecca
Test only
Hi Emma – I am conscious now that I haven’t offered any practical advice on how to get through it easily – perhaps because I see MM more of a mental battle than a physical one. When you don’t feel like eating much – but know you need to keep your strength up – take in some little jelly, custard and rice pudding pots. They slither down and also in case you get a sore mouth ( I didn’t). Lots of underwear to be discarded during the S&D stage in case of mishaps (I got cheap packs from Primark just in case). Baby wipes a must. A snuggly warm throw – often the rooms are extremely cold but germ free! It is hard to concentrate on books so magazines or dvd sets. You will feel quite listless a lot of time and just want to rest/sleep a bit like having flu really. It is all doable and often not half as difficult as you imagined it to be. As with MM it is all very individual – have never heard of it causing night terrors and you will generally sleep like a baby. Just keep looking forward x
Hi Emma, So sorry to hear you are going through this at such s young age. I suspect because of your age you will sail through the transplant- it sounds really scary but it is just abit more than the treatments you have had and sounds scarier Han it actually is. All being well you’ll be home in around 16 days – I had a count down calendar from 16 and was hugely motivated to cross it off st the dnd of the day and see another day over with. No matter how rubbishy I felt I could see I had got through another day and one more day closer to home. Nothing much happens the first 3 days until it starts to take effect so enjoy that time. Spend the time planning treats/events when you are well – spend the time looking forward. 3 months later you’ll be back to full fitness but don’t rush back to work – I chose to have 6 months off and used my sick leave as a holiday treating myself/getting fit and recognising I had been through something massive and deserved some “me” time. Use your solitary time in hospital to analyse your life and define your priorities/desires and plan how to change your life to maximise fulfilment. I was 51 at Sct – a year after diagnosis – this Xmas exactly I will be 4 years post transplant and still drug free. This year I went on an intense tennis holiday and a learn to paraglide holiday! Life is good – I choose to work part time and focus on things I want to do. My husband is currently having 6 mo thx off work to indulge his passions – we have now cancelled Sky and all things superfluous, I now drive a 10 year old car but we feel, at the moment, we are living the dream! “When one door closes we often spend our time looking at the closed door without seeing a new door that has opened – which may be better”. Use your time to plan/embrace change – you are in this for the long haul so see it all as a start of a new beginning and a catalyst of change – if you want to. That’s what got me through it – looking forward – onwards and upwards.
Good luck
Rebecca
Hi really sorry to hear about Wendy. I followed her blog and was acutely aware she hadn’t posted for a while. One helluva strong vibrant lady…and one more reason for us all to grasp life and live it large.
Take care
Rebecca
Hi Eve, I have not had dialysis tho at diagnosis time went to around 5! They repeated my blood tests as didn’t know how I was standing (I was a fit 50 yrs) I was told by someone on the forum (tho in a private thread) that kidneys could improve and his improved about 3 yrs later and he also told me of a friend who went through SCT on dialysis and 4 years later came off dialysis. I was in a very dark place then more because of my kidneys than MM. He gave me tips to assist kidney function but honestly other than drink the water I do not do anything differently now. 6 months after SCT I was back playing in tennis matches and now I exercise a lot and am not hindered in any normal day to day life with my kidneys. We are all different and my consultant was very concerned about the possible impact of cyclosophomide for stem cell collection. For me it was Ok and I think the younger you are the better it is. I was told I had a 20% of death re SCT because of kidneys but the gamble paid off. Now, I feel, always go with your gut instinct re treatment – not very scientific but them MM is very individual perhaps that is as good as any measure. “Life shrinks or expands by the extent of your courage”
Oops for typos meant dialysis me not finalise me! Not ready for that yet!
Hi Eve, I had my Sct with a kidney function of 20+ maybe 23ish – I can’t remember details now as it was 31/2 yrs ago. SCT carries greater risk with poor kidneys but you do have a lower dose of melphelan to compensate. The Sct did not impact the kidneys further and 31:2 yrs later with no further treatment they average around 32-37. It took about 18 months after Sct before I saw much improvement. After the cycl for stem. Ollectiln my kidneys went up about 4 as the Mm burden was reduced (my kidney function is impacted negatively by just a rise of 10 in kappa/lambda. I had to Sct at a hospital that could finalise me, if needed, without travel but I didn’t need it. My bloods – which are pretty rubbish in general – took a long time to come good (for me) which I blame on the kidney element. Hang on in there and hold onto hope.
Hi Maureen, Sorry to hear about your current situation, fingers n toes crossed for improvement x
Rebecca
