[RozParticipant]

Hi All

I hope your all doing fine, well as good as you can be!! I decided to write to tell you how life has moved on.
I still go for counselling, it took ten months after Michael's death to start so I suppose I'm not doing too bad! May the 7th was Michael's birthday, this was hard. It was harder than last yr, but friends have told me I was grieving differently then, I don't know cos I'm still missing him no matter what. My counsellor thinks I'm doing wonders considering I nearly committed suicide.
I've got myself another personal care assistant, she started last week. I've decided I need a life and to get one I need help. I'm disabled and can afford to pay someone so I did it. My old PA works 16 hrs a wk and my new one works 24hrs. If Michael was here it was none stop… I went back to my old group today, the first time since December, and I hope it won't be my last time. At the group I found out there was a group for the bereaved in Doncaster. I couldn't believe it, all this time and I was told no one in Doncaster had these groups.
Rachael and Lauren have been in touch now and then, but I realise now that they have moved on without me, so I have to too..
I keep in touch with Tom on facebook and send pressies for prizes for Myeloma Uk..You all kept me sane through Michael being ill, and I know your there now when I need you.
All the best to you all
Love Roz xxx

[GillParticipant]

It sounds as though you are moving on Roz.

Good luck for the future

Gill x

[jmsmythParticipant]

Good to hear from you Roz. As Gill says it does sound that you are moving on. Glad about that. See some of your posts on FB. take. care

Jean x

[RozParticipant]

Thank you

I'm trying to carry on but it is very very hard

Roz

[tomParticipant]

Hi Roz

Well we have moved on aint we girl 🙂 and thats Good to read 😀 reading about your help do you now have some one working 16 hours and another working 24 ? well done you if you need it and its working keep on with it 🙂

And you are doing wonders 😀 but am sad you thought about suicide 🙁 am sure you are stronger than that and if you need to chat give me a P/M and I will see what I can do, Stay Strong Roz I know you can do it.

Love and Hugs

Tom xxxx

[RozParticipant]

Hi Tom

Thanks..Yes I've employed someone else to help me for another 24hrs. I'm now able to go to meetings, see mum more cos she's in hospital and generally get out because without someone to drive me I'm house bound.

And yes I did nearly comit suicide but 2 best mates and mum got me from doing it, If my mate hadn't got em to do any counselling quickly I wouldn't be here now. When your alone 24hrs a day 7 days a week things and feelings do take over.
I'm past that now, but I've been told I'm one of those who doesn't get over their partner dying, I'll eventually learn to live with it, but I'll never stop breaking down, even deep inside.
Any way enough about me, hope your still getting on with your carefree life and living it to the full.

All the best
Roz

[tomParticipant]

Hi Roz

I am pleased you are doing good and yes i bet its hard work to be on your own 24/7 but i think it was Min who said open up your life make your life larger/bigger and your loss will seem smaller although your loss is still the same it feels smaller as your world gets larger. (well i think that how it went?)

Say Hi and Thank your two best mates for me as if you completed what you wanted it would have made me so sad, so your best mates are now my best mates 🙂

Me Care free yep am still at it not as often and not as fast but that my MM life to the full hell too true i am and many more with me 🙂

Love and Hugs

Tom xxxx

[PerkymiteParticipant]

Hi Roz, You were here when I started on the site I think and it is nice that you have kept in contact. I wish you all the best for the furture.

The nearest I have to your loss was that of my son at the age of 19 years. It took me 18 months before I could say his name withour welling up with tears so I know, I think, where you are coming from.

All the very best to you – I wish you well.

Kindest regards – Vasbyte

David

[RozParticipant]

Thanks David.

I think of you all as my mates, you stood by me through Michael's illness.
It's hard and Rachael and Lauren hve moved on but cannot see it so its like loosing 3 people even though they are still alive, but I don't see em unless I beg.

All the best for the future.

love Roz

[RozParticipant]

Thanks Tom
Your a star who I come to when I cannot cope

Roz

[eveParticipant]

Hi Roz
So glad to see you are moving on with your life,it is hard when there is so many things around you,but it,s true what they say life goes on,children seem to bounce back,they have there own friends they can talk to about it and it is hard for anyone to take on anyone,s grieve .

Although i am here to help with my daughters grieve,we do not talk about Matty its to raw,so we just carry on with are lives.Slim in hospital having his SCT,the sisters looking to go to guide camp and mum and dad coping the best way they can.
That is life and it has to be lived other wise every thing that has gone on for the last couple of years would be a waste.Love Eve

[ElizellenParticipant]

Sending you lots of cyberhugs, Roz!

[img]http://www.atkinsdietbulletinboard.com/forums/members/elizellen-albums-general-graphics-picture4962-hugs.jpg[/img]

I am glad you managed to get into counselling and have found it helpful.

Luv
Eliz
XX
X

[RozParticipant]

Thanks Eve , Eliz.

Eve I know what its like to be there for your daughter, and not have it recupiated don't no if thats the right word. Please don't leave it too long before you talk together, Rachael admits she treats me horrible, doesn't know why, but I have seen she has gone and left me behind. Hope your daughter doesn't do the same… Hope Slim does well with his SCT

I keep trying to move on but then something always happens to bring me back down. The PA/Carer who has been with me for nearly 4yrs has given in her notice. She couldn't deal with me wanted a life!! She wanted to be in charge of me, only work week days and didn't like me needing a rota system which included weekends. So now I'm looking for another PA/carer.

Thanks for the hugs Eliz
All the best to you all
Love Roz xxx

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