30 year engagement

This topic contains 15 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by  Gill 13 years ago.

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  • 12th April 2011 at 3:07 pm #109001

    eve
    Participant

    My partner and I have been together for 30 years we met on 14 February1981,We decided last September that after all these years and 3 expensive engagement rings it would be a good idear to marry on 14 February 2011,but as usual daughters either could not make it at the same time so we were trying to find a date to suit everyone.
    In October Slims back had not improved from a fracture and he was starting to become very ill,after lots of visits to doctorsno test done in January I saw different doctor who ,was like a whirlwind,test,bloods,appointments for hospital.The result MM.

    Yesterday we decided,to go and arrange the wedding only to find 3 weeks for appointment then 17 days before we could get married,
    Slim with his dry sense of humour [said death bed wedding it is]
    He was only joking,but before we new it appointment today wedding arranged for 28 of April.daughters or no daughters.

    driving home he asked me do I look that ill,while he was shivering and shaking!!!.As you might guess yes was the answer.:-)

    In future when I want things done quickly I will take him with me,there has to be some perks for having myeloma:-P

    Something to plan and look forward too,although I think we will have to wait awhile for the party.;-)

    12th April 2011 at 9:41 pm #109002

    zasrs
    Participant

    Hi Eve

    Many congratulations on your forthcoming nuptials!! Yours must be the longest engagment on record:-D

    Have a lovley day hope the daughters make it!!

    Best wishes

    sarah

    12th April 2011 at 10:22 pm #109003

    brocho
    Participant

    Hi Eve wow that may well be one of the longest engagements ever!!Congratulations on setting the date, the sun will be shinig and I am sure your daughters wouldnt miss it for the world After all what could be more important than your parents wedding!! Enjoy the planning and all the retail therapy that goes with it too! love Bridget x

    12th April 2011 at 10:28 pm #109005

    Debs
    Participant

    What lovely news….Congratulations to you both, and whether the celebrations are this month, or in 3, I hope that you have the most fantastic day.

    I hope that your daughters can both make it so that it is a real family affair.

    I'm with Bridget, go shopping and buy lots of lovely thing….all neccessary of course (;-) ….esp those lovely shoes, beautiful necklace and wonderful bag!!!). Sure Slim can have a nice tie in there somewhere..lol!

    Enjoy your day and hopefully you can post a picture afterwards!

    Debs x

    12th April 2011 at 11:48 pm #109004

    eve
    Participant

    Thank you ladies

    It has been along time coming 3 engagement rings,in 30years the things we do for a diamond lol.

    I have always felt married,so it has never bothered either of us.It is the easy way to get everthing in some order.Two of my daughters can make it the other one is in nz,and my step daughter cannot take time off teaching.

    The party will have to wait,thank you for your kind thoughts

    13th April 2011 at 12:45 am #109006

    Gill
    Participant

    Many many congratulations

    We lived for years and years without marriage and then in the middle of buying a house in France found that French law is different. Not married? Big problem. We got married one Friday afternoon with two of my colleagues as witnesses and didn't bother telling the kids (Stephen has one and I have 2)

    Do keep us all up to date with plans, parties and pictures. Mind you how did you get THREE engagement rings??? Most of us get far less jewels:-) Gillxxx

    13th April 2011 at 6:56 am #109007

    Perkymite
    Participant

    Congratulations Eve.

    kindest regards

    David

    13th April 2011 at 8:37 am #109008

    eve
    Participant

    Gill
    Engagement rings were easy,every time he got a tax rebate,we had a renewal of are engagement.I know what you mean about France,the property is given to the children you have no say in who ,gets it if you are not married,We looked into it one time.
    In this country you are not considered next of kin to claim a body if your not married,also a will is not enough and the new power of attorney,is so complicated.my daughters would not have liked it if we did not tell them.Slim has been there dad for a very long time,6 8 and 13 years old.

    We should have married years ago,I suppose its the old story once bitten twice shy,seems so silly now.
    On a good note,do not do retail therapy so I save some money,and we will have a big party when Slim is in remission,it will take sometime to organise as very large family all over the country,another goal to look forward too.
    Thank you all for your best wishes
    As perkymite might would say on ward and up wards:-D 🙂 😛

    13th April 2011 at 9:48 am #109009

    jmsmyth
    Participant

    Hi Eve and Slim

    Congratulations to you both. I hope the sun shines but if not you will have a fantastic day. Frank's birthday is 28th. Hope you enjoy your shopping spree – brilliant to go and spend money on yourself!!

    Have a great day
    Love Jean xx

    13th April 2011 at 4:33 pm #109011

    BADGER
    Participant

    Congratulations looks like its about time he made an honest woman of you Tee hEE

    Love Jo8-)

    14th April 2011 at 2:19 am #109010

    Gill
    Participant

    Hi Eve and Slim

    When we got around to getting married we visited our UK solicitor to change wills, status etc. and like you we found out that although not as archaic as France here in the UK you have few rights if you are not married. She compared a "common law" wife, or husband, to the law according to the Daily Mirror!!!.

    Congratulations, love and very, very best wishes from Gillxx

    PS the kids do know now. We would never lie to them and when a converstaion came up around "would you 2 ever get married?" We explained what we had done.

    PPS I do have 3 very nice rings which were gifts from Stephen over the years and all 3 have always been worn on my "ring finger" We were both relieved to discover that you don't [b]HAVE [/b]to exchange rings at a non church wedding. Do keep us posted

    14th April 2011 at 7:29 am #109012

    eve
    Participant

    HI jo and gill

    If truth be known I am making a honest man of him LOL.I use to tell him during are heated moments that I would marry him just so I could divorce him.

    For years everybody thought we were married,just presumed,with Slims illness I have found I have had to justify myself,Having to explain are arrangements to strangers,[new laws on disclosure] writing letters to doctors hospitals,companies concerning finance,banks.You basically have no rights in the eyes of the law.If anybody out there is in the same position I suggest you look into it.We thought we were well covered with wills and power of attorney,not so.Simple things like not being able to get to the bank has problems.My doctor even insisted on a letter for me to ask about results of test,30 years I think he is covering his back[may be he took legal advice because of mis diagnosed condition.!!!!!!]

    lesson learn,t for me anyway,as perkymite would say onward and upward,your never to old to have a learning curve,just did not think it would be in this direction.

    We were planning nz for 6 weeks,then in June Norway Sweden and Finland for a few months,the honeymoon will have to wait more time to plan it for 2012
    have a good day everybody.

    ps.Thanks for the advice about rings,I have been wearing my mothers wedding ring for years,and I did not fancy exchanging rings,thanks

    14th April 2011 at 8:15 am #109013

    brocho
    Participant

    Hi Eve you have certaily made me think I need to think about my own situation . I was married and divorced very young but Jeff and I have been togetther for 28 years now , like you it has never bothered us and we are as married as any couple can be . I hadnt realised how difficult it could be for him when I shuffle off my mortal coil So now the dilemma , do I hire a hot air ballon saying marry me or else or just book it !!Ha ha he would have a fit !!But we will have to discuss it ,trouble is Jeff doesnt really want to talk about stuff like that very often Thankyou Eve love Bridget x

    14th April 2011 at 1:45 pm #109014

    eve
    Participant

    Bridget

    Peace of mind,goes a log way,it,s not just the money side of it.It is being treated if it is nothing to do with you after living together so long.The bottom line is you have no rights.
    eve

    15th April 2011 at 12:29 pm #109015

    Elizellen
    Participant

    Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding, Eve! I wish you both all the best on the day.

    I am glad the problems have been mentioned that can come at significant times when people discover that not being married means they have no right to be kept in the loop during their partner's illness and treatment, let alone the rules about wills etc, which are archaic in my mind.

    I don't know if someone can designate their "longtime significant other" as being their next of kin, but can imagine all sorts of complications if it is not an option.

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