This topic contains 15 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by 
Eva 11 years, 7 months ago.
So my Dad is on his final journey and although I don't really have any religious beliefs I watched my Grandad die when I was in my 20's and I do believe there is somewhere else we or a part of us goes. For the most part my dad is currently between here and there. He has a foot in each world and is moving ever closer to the next. Three beautiful children aged 1-4yrs and 130 miles stop me being at his bedside.
Dad was diagnosed in Jan 2010 with kappa light chain myeloma. From what I can make out fairly at an advanced stage then. CTD put him into remission for a good year. Then he started to get poorly twoawrds the end of 2012 and ended up in hospital with hypercalcemia. He was in and out from Jan until now with various problems mostly relating to two very poorly tolerated cycles of velcade. He lived alone and was recieving 4 x carer visits plus DN and GP visits daily. He was in what they call a virtual ward at home.
We (my husband and I) went with him to his haematology appointment and the fracture clinic appointment. Haematology confirmed their decision to suspend treatment and gave him until 17th April for his body to rally before starting on Rev. They also wanted him to meet with the Radiotherapist to explore the possibility of radiotherapy on his broken arm. The fracture clinic confirmed this was an acceptable option and surgery wasn't required. Afterwards I finally sorted his LPA and had his will witnessed.
He sent me flowers, never before has my father sent me flowers. He instructed me to buy presents for the children and beer for my husband. And to talk to my mum more. (That is another whole new childhood trauma!!).
He attended his appointment with radiotherapy the following week and they planned to do 5 days radiotherapy.
On Tuesday of last week an ambulance was called by his carers as he was refusing to eat. The hospital were less than helpful over the phone and I just assumed it was the usual anaemia or hypercalcemia. On Thursday they actually called me (always wondered at what point next of kin was called) and I was advised that there was nothing more they could do for him in terms of the MM as he had pnuemonia, hypercalcemia and chronic kidney failure and was made aware of a DNR.
The terminology was imminent, days, hours, very poorly, comfortable. We arranged childcare and got to the hospital within four hours. It's a 260 mile round trip. He has exceeded all expectations. They didn't think he was going to survive the first 24hrs then, the weekend and now it's Thursday. Now we are desperately trying to get him into a hospice for his final days. (He hates being in East Surrey Hospital!) He isn't really with us any more but is still aware of who I am. I haven't seen him today but his pain meds are now pump driven to make sure he gets the full benefit as swallowing is difficult. He seems very comfortable now. When he is able to talk he talks about going home and his passport mostly. He knows he needs to continue his journey but is still fighting on. It breaks my heart to see my dad so tired, none of the alcoholism matters now, all he ever was was a little cranky and sometimes not the rock I imagine the perfect dad would be but as I reflect, I realise that now he isn't there to call on, that actually he was there, more than I perhaps realised. And for that I thank him.
I've been at his bedside everyday since last Thursday except for Monday and today. I'm hoping to get to see him on Saturday but am very much awaiting the call as the macmillan palliative care team have seen a significant deterioration since yesterday. They have told me to just keep calling the ward for now to get regular updates as they understand the situation with distance and the children and not to rush up just yet.
Tanya
Hi Tanya
I remember your posting,All parts of the past,and future,with lots of painful memory's and your dad more or less choosing to ignor his ill ness for the sake of alcohol .
This will be a sad time for you as so many issues not resolved,but you can only do so much,you cannot change your dads future,be kind to yourself,for give him,and he will at least die in peace.he will be worried he has not made his peace with you,take his advice talk to your mum, Just remember it was there marriage ,there chooses .
I do hope it will be over for you soon,Eve
I am glad that your dad is comfortable and not in pain. I think that, apart from willing our loved ones to get better and not leave us, a peaceful and pain free end is something we all hope for.
Do keep in touch. Nobody on here can change what is to be but people can give you support,heartfelt sympathy and kindness
Gill xx
Dear Tanya
I am so sorry that your dad is on his final Journey, my thoughts and prayers are with you all at this sad time.
Lots of love and Hugs
Tom xxx
Hello Tanya, thinking of you and your Dad, take care San xx
My Dear Tanya, I have tried very hard to answer your posting since you posted but I find these post so hard to reply to.
I hope Your Dad's end is peaceful and you manage to be by his bedside, that is all any of use can really wish for.
I like you believe in "something else" Nearly all religion's preach of one God and I have always believed that I am on a journey to that next life(?). It has always given me great comfort, especially when I lost my 19 year old son. I cannot say that I believe in any one religion's teaching because unfortunately most holy boots were written, if under guidance I grant you, by a Man! The world might have been a hole lot different if they were written by Women.
My very best wishes to you and your family and this time.
My kindest regards – vasbyte
David
x
Hello Tanya, I felt i had to answer your post as i have been there myself. My dad passed away in 1989 age 52 of cancer he was an alcoholic and wasnt very nice to my mum as we grew up,but he was my dad and I loved him. My mum then found out she had myeloma in 2009 and fought bravely for 2 and a half years. We were all with my mum at the end and I am so glad she went to sleep peacefully without pain,especially when she had been through so much.hope you are ok and that your dad goes to sleep as peacefully as my mum did, you take care xx
I breaks my heart to write that my dad passed away yesterday afternoon at 5pm very, very peacefully.
I am extremely fortunate to have enough support from my wonderful husband and mother in law who enabled me to get away so I could sleep in his room with him for his last night here and hold his hand as he left.
Thank you for all your support.
Tanya
Dear Tanya
I am so sorry for the grief and pain you are feeling. I am also thankful that your dad's end was peaceful, pain free and you were with him.
Stay in touch if you would like support. No doubt you will be very busy over the next few days but we will be here when you need a few words of sympathy and encouragement.
Love from Gill xx
Hi Tanya
So glad you managed to be with your Dad,that is something no one can take away from you,be kind to yourself have no regrets,
You are a lucky lady,good husband kids and a kind mother in law,
Move on with your life and enjoy it.Eve
Dear Tanya,
So sorry to hear about your Dad but glad it was peaceful and that you were able to be with him at the end.
Take care of yourself,
Jillx
So sad to hear of your Dad. i lost my husband in January it is very hard
take comfort in your family, take care
Nola x
That is truly a lovely post Tanya. It was great that you could be beside him as he took his final breaths in this world.
May your God walk with you at this sad time.
My kindest regards – vasbyte
David
x
Tanya
Am sure you know I am so sorry to hear about your dads Passing.
I am pleased you spent your time with him as he went to sleep am sure it was/is a comfort to you at this sad Time.
Stay well Tanya.
Love Tom xx
Hi Tanya,
I am so glad that you were able to be with your Dad at his peaceful passing… and that you had the support of your husband and your Mum-in-Law in the immediate aftermath. From your opening post of this thread it seemed obvious that your Dad knew that his end was near and the gift of flowers, for the first time ever, was his way of saying 'it is time'.
Hold on to your support and stay close to those you love… they will want to be there for you and you will undoubtedly need them over the next few days and weeks.
I wish you all the love you need at this time. 🙂
Regards
Dai.
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