This topic contains 31 replies, has 15 voices, and was last updated by 
losie46 11 years, 8 months ago.
Hi Jackie
I am so sorry to hear that Norman has passed away,and am sorry Norman left the site early as am sure we all could have helped you all through this difficult time you have and are going through.
Please take it or day at a time and we are all here for you.
Love and hugs Tom xxx
Dear sue,
Hope your weekend goes as well as you hope,
If you feel the need get in touch.
May I suggest when you come to scatter his ashes you keep a small portion to sew into one of his handkerchiefs.
You can put it under your pillow, or carry it in your hand bag knowing he is always with you.
I have made several little pouches for me and my children. When I told them what I planned to do I was comforted to know they wanted one too.
Each of them happy to have Dad near them. I have embroidered his name and details on them and he has been on holiday to Mauritius and on business in Germany Milan and Switzerland!, later this month he is going to Egypt with me.
May sound a little too spooky to you right now, but give it some thought.
My daughter has squeezed him tight when talking to ceo's of blue chip companies.
I know Peter would be thrilled to be part of her success.
Don't worry about all the tears they are healthy and healing.
You will adjust in time to a position where you can control them, most of the time, but even now 18months later they still return when least expected. But they are my badge of love so I am never ashamed to cry.
Luv
Min
Dear Min That is a lovely idea, I had decided not to collect his ashes until the day before we scatter them. dont ask me why I just find it a bit spooky, silly isnt it he never hurt me when he was alive so why should he now? Night time is a big problem for me, I dont like being alone (my daughters do stay when they can, but one travels with her job and the other a nurse who works shifts) I feel overwhelmed with grief at this time, I panic when I think of never seeing him again.
Love
Sue x
I Empathise entirely with you Sue.
When I found myself alone, I was terrified to go upstairs, my home was like Blackpool illuminations!
My poor dogs who needed to be let out last thing at night never got let out as I was terrified to open the back door.
Someone rang the door bell one night and sat shaking like a gibbering wreck.
Being alone shakes your confidence but I have most of it back now.
The undertaker brought me Peter s ashes after a month or so I was perterbed so I did not have a choice and the box sat on his chair for months being moved whenever someone arrived in case they thought I was mental. Then I put him on the fireplace next to the TV.
But his final resting place is in the plinth of a a memorial bird bath in the garden. Im almost tempted to bring him indoors when it's freezing but realistically he is in my heart with my memories where he will stay for all time.
It's a lonely life but I meet other widows from a group I joined and will be going on holiday with them again in June where we actually have a laugh and a cry, but feel comfortable in our company knowing we dont expect too much of one another but we care and 'get it' like others cant, who are not alone.
When a period of time has passed and you're feeling stronger I suggest you join us. We are mostly online as a support group just like this forum. But more importantly we meet up all over the country for coffee, meals or walks in the countryside. Sometimes going to the theatre or even gigs for those more adventurous and younger.
Its very early days and just as you found being a wife and mother difficult all those years ago being a widow is equally difficult.
Its a massive period of adjustment, but you will get there. Remember the worst thing that could ever happen has now passed nothing in future can be as bad as losing your life partner.
Love Min x
Dear Susannah,
Love and hugs to you from Eva.
Dear Min When I read your post it made me smile ( and cry )especially the bit about someone at the door, that is my worse nightmare. i thought about grtting another dog (lucy our chocolate lab died 1year ago) but then I thought perhaps I should wait a while.
The club sounds good perhaps in a couple of months time, or im I jumping the gun.
Hoping to book a few days away with my daughter tomorrow,
Take Care
Suex
Dear Sue, Hope you have a nice break with your daughter fingers crossed for nicer weather for you both.
Keeping busy has definately worked for me I would have gone to the dogs [i](only way I [/i][i]could get the word dogs into this post)[/i] if I hadn't started my photography and windsurfing. At times I do feel terribly alone and quite often chatter away to Patrick as if he is there listening.
I keep a picture of Patrick in the kitchen – he's wearing a Christmas cracker hat and has a huge cheeky smile. Whenever I feel down I only have to look at that picture and I stop crying and smile back at him. I still think of him as being around me just on another level.
I have still not emptied the wardrobe of his clothes but I don't feel pressured at all when the time is right it will happen.
Big Hug
TinaX
Dear All You are such a lovely bunch of people. Tina i will almost certainly be the same with Michaels clothes I cant even open the door, but I do keep his dressing gown on the back of the airing cupboard door and in the morning I wrap my nightie inside it, see Ive just started myself off again.
Tina do you still work?
Love
Suex
Hi Sue,
Yes I am working full time. I spent approximately 7 months looking for a role nearer home after evaluating what was important to me moving forward in my new life. I used to work in the City & West End of London but just didn't want to do that anymore. I have to work as I still have a mortgage to pay but I have also been lucky enough to find a great company to work for and I am enjoying it.
You know there are a pair of Patrick's slippers in the lounge next to the sofa where he used to sit. They have been there ever since he was taken to hospital that fateful night and left the house forever, I just cannot bring myself to move them at the moment. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? Patrick would think so:-)
I do hope you are getting support from family and friends and are taking care of yourself. Are you sleeping ok?
Love
Tina X
hi Jackie. my husband died on the 23 feb. Very close to yours..I got Eddie out of hosp 3 days before he died. It was very hard looking at him getting weaker. I am dreading my birthday this month. i have his card from last year and I will be putting it up as I know he would want to wish me a happy birthday even though it won't be. Yesterday I had to look after my 4 year old grandson who is poorly with a cold. I never thought of eddie all day and I felt very guilty at the end of the day but I was totally exhausted. We bought a new car from Petch's and it has had problems since the day we bought it. Now I am left to sort it and they are not being helpful at all. My husband was in the motor trade and would have put it right himself had he been stronger. I feel so helpless. So much has broken in this house since he died. A The toilet flush broke. the upstairs toilet leaked. I cant believe time helps. Annx
Hi Tina I havent worked for the past 6months,I had to stop as all the hospital visits,trials etc became to much for me to carry on full time. Looking back now im pleased I did as I was able to spend all my days with Michael not really believing they would be his last. Work have kept my job open for me, I will probably go back at some point,perhaps part time, but not yet.
Windsurfing Im afraid it would have to be ground surfing for me im terrified of heights, although my daughter is trying to coax me into doing a sponsord absail in Edinburgh for MM. I must admit I would love to do itif only for Michael I know he would be there willing me on.
My family are brilliant, but its the evening and night time I find the worse. Im not sleeping even with tablets but I see my GP tomorrow,
Take Care
Sue
Dear Sue,
I gave up work three months before Patrick died to look after him at home. I am so glad we had that precious time, nothing was left un-said.
I have taken to reading a book when I go to bed until I am really tired to take my mind off flashbacks which I am still suffering.
Oh by the way I am scared of heights too! You are probably thinking of paragliding, windsurfing is like surfing but with a sail. Definately on the water not above it! mind you mostly in it!! Absailing- go for it I say:-)
I hope your GP will be of help tomorrow.
Love
Tina XX
Hi Anne,
It seems incredible that three of us have lost our husbands on consecutive days..this disease is much more common that I ever realised.
I too feel guilty when I have times where I get involved in a TV programme (or something) and forget Norman has gone. Then the next day I get overwhelmed by grief and can't believe I will ever feel any better. It is as though there are two of me!
Jobs around the house are also bothering me. Yesterday I found a vent from the extractor fan on the ground outside…what on earth do I do to put it back? To be honest Norman has not been able to do much around the house for the past couple of years but I really miss asking his advice (even if I did often ignore it!).
This rollercoaster is very difficult to bear isn't it?
Jackie xx
The abseil idea is good. My daughter did it last year and Norman insisted on us flying up to Edinburgh to support her. It was the start of his good time last year. She raised over £1,000 and I think photos are on the website.
The worst bit is walking along the bridge she said.
The hotel (Hawes Inn) at the bridge was a lovely place to stay. Have got good memories even though the weather was not brilliant.
x
Hello everyone,
it has given me great comfort to read all your messages on the Myeloma site.
I lost my husband 3/01/13 to this terrible illness after a long brave battle of seven years.
I am finding it hard going at the moment. Nola x
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