[GayeParticipant]

When I was in for my second SCT I had regular visits from the Chaplaincy team even when I was in isolation. I am not a practising Christian but I just felt the need to talk to somebody, other than family and friends, about all the difficult issues that I couldn't express to those who love me. They were wonderful and all I had to do was ask for them to visit. Thankfully they did!
Best wishes, Gaye

[RozParticipant]

Thanks All

When I went to see him last Thursday a lady vicar came in, told me she had been visiting Michael for ages. Apologised to him because she had even been to the other hospital when he went but never got to speak to him. She then left. Said she would see him when I wasn't there.
I never knew about here, she had never been there before when I was there and I do visit alot. So I just feel he can talk to her but not me and she never asked how I was doing. I'm kinda on my own through this when we should be together.

Just got back from visiting today. He is very poorly and confused and if they don't watch him a accident will happen.

Love Roz

[KWilsonParticipant]

It's strange how some people don't realise how it affects the family.

xxxxxxxxxx

[brochoParticipant]

Hi Roz as others have said I have had a visit from clergy too , nothing heavy just offering a chance to chat Please dont be upset by Michael talking to the vicar its often easier to talk to a stranger, usually because we dont want to upset those closest to us It doesnt really matter that this lady is a vicar either , it must be better for Michael to talk rather than bottle it up Perhaps she didnt say much to you because she hadnt met you , although I was surprised that she didnt ask how you were But dont try and read too much into it Roz ,dont let it worry you Hope the snowy weather isnt keeping you stuck indoors love Bridget x

[RozParticipant]

Thanks
I know your right and I'm glad he is talking to someone. I just wish he would talk to me. Even when he is bad he calms down when I go but he doesn't talk things out and then he says I don't talk but it does take two.

I hope this rambling period doesn't last long. Not going today so hope he'll be ok.
Going to phone his nurse tomorrow to get this meeting arranged.

Love to you all
Roz

[tomParticipant]

Hi Roz and Michael

Am pleased Michael is talking to some one now 😀
I also did have a good chat to a lady at Castle hill, it wasn't easy as bless her she made me cry :-S and i dont/didnt normaly do that:-/ but hey Roz do you know it worked for me? yes Elaine (my young bride) and i talk about our problem when the need pops its ugly head:'-( but to talk to a complete stranger and open up was great8-) made me feel better

So it will help Michael, and am sure it would do you a bit of good also 😀

Love and Hugs

Tom xx

[DaiCroParticipant]

Hi Roz,

I never received a visit from a cleric of any denomination but I can understand why Michael might open up to a stranger… and not tell you about it.

He most likely thinks of her as someone who is discreet and used to being a confidante; someone to whom he can pour out his misgivings, his fears and his sense of hopelessness – without having to worry that he might upset her, or make her feel negative and/or helpless. He wants someone – non-family, non-medic – to listen to his darkest fears without making them feel responsible or guilty.

There have been plenty of times when I would have welcomed someone to offload to like that. I don't know about Michael but sometimes I just want to offload; to hear myself say those things that you normally have to hold back or hold in… without the need for reply, or answers, or even reassurances – just a sounding board… nothing more, nothing less.

I know it might not seem much poppet but you have us; you always have one of us – on duty at most times of the days – and you know that sometimes it is enough just to let it out. It seems to me that Michael has found someone in lieu of 'mates' on a discussion board (I know we are much more than that) – someone to whom he can offload and know that it is 'OK'.

Be glad for him and please don't take it as a personal slight – I am sure that he feels he is protecting you from the 'dark' side of his illness – nothing more, nothing less. 😐

Dai.

[MinParticipant]

Roz,
Peter does not talk much to me about his mm, and having been off work for 18months he was pretty much reliant on me for any conversation.
His boss came round on 2 or three occasions in all that time and he chatted to him, then his boss got bowel cancer and started on Chemo etc.
There conversations now are weekly, comparing treatments feeling and hospitals and he opens up to him, explaining to me that
[u]'I cannot understand in the same way as someone who has cancer so whilst he is sorry, for not being able to talk to me he cannot burden me with even more than he has already."[/u]
Initialy I was a little hurt but true enough he has been through so much. He does not live in my pocket so to speak so have to just wait for an appropriate moment to cover the subject in a sensitive way. I have no idea when that moment will happen but I am confident it will.
I think its a man thing, and time will tell if we can break through this barrier.
Don't worry just be glad he can open up to someone. He is used to looking after you, not being looked after and that a lot to get your head around.

Sorry I did not intend to underline it was meant to be italics but cant undo it
Min

[RozParticipant]

Thank you one and All

I am glad he has found a way to offload. Yes I know your right. Its just cos we are apart, he tells me he doesn't see anyone, but all along he does.
It would have been nice to know.
Yes I tell you lot in a fashion, and also a mate via phone. But Michael has got jealous of this, but still he kept the vicars present away from me.
Deep inside I just hope and pray that he is not offloading because he has given up!! I just thought vicars came when you were dying.

He means the world to me and I'm lost.

Thanks again
Roz

[Author]

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