[susannahParticipant]

Dear Dai First chance ive had to look at the site in a long time but my daughter has made me sit and take five.
Not good never had the chance to visit the hospice, Michael went off his legs altogether and he has been in bed about 4 weeks now. I still tried to cope alone but it was impossible. hes such a big guy. Both my daughters moved in to help me.2 weeks ago he started to get very confused and sleepy
and he has been in a coma ever since. nothing to eat or drink for 9 days now. The district nurses have been fantastic well beyond the call of duty. they come in everyday as Michael has 2 syringe drivers fitted. The mac nurses come in once a day to wash him, they struggle to move him so hes in the same position most of the time.
I broke down last Tuesday and said I couldnt do it anymore, so we had a visit from a hospice doctor and our mac nurse but they said he was to ill to move and they gave him a couple of days, that was 7 days ago. We are all so very very tired.

Would I do it all again? I dont know

Love
Sue x

[eveParticipant]

Hi Sue

My heart goes out to you,it must be hard on all the family Michael must be a very strong man,when this is all over you will look back and be glad Michael was at home,it must be the hardest thing you have ever done,try to rest .

I will be thinking about you and hoping,that Michael is at peace and you find your way through this horrible time.Love Eve

[TinaParticipant]

Dear Sue,

I am so very sorry that you are going through this pain. Somehow you need to think of the tiniest positive thought to get you through. Michael is no longer suffering pain and believe that he is no longer feeling fear or worry. He is being looked after and at the very least his final days will be calm and with you at home.

I wish you all the strength and love you need to get you through this truly terrible time.Would you do it all again – of course you would. When the the one we love needs us the most – we are there.

Love Tina XX

[tomParticipant]

Dear Sue

How I feel for you all at this difficult time, I send you all a Cyber hug and i hope that helps, its no good me saying you must rest as you need to keep your strenth up as am sure you cant sleep.

Will you do it again I say yes as though we have not met I know you are a very strong lady, stay strong throu out this difficult time.

Love and Hugs to you all.

Love Tom xxxx

[jmsmythParticipant]

Dear Sue

My heart goes out to you and your family at this terrible time. I hope those close to you will give you the strength that you need. The love that you have for Michael has been shown in your posts and I also say yes you would do it again in a heart beat. My prayers are with you all and Sue I hope that you continue to have the strength that you have shown in the past months.

My love to you all
Love Jean x

[mhnevillParticipant]

Dear Sue,

It's strange, I came on Site to send a message to you, as I was thinking of you and Michael this afternoon, as I was enjoying the sun and a bonus day out. I felt sad that you and Michael wouldn't be enjoying it. I didn't realise quite how grim things were, although I knew they would be pretty bad. I do feel for the really tough time you are having. As a priest I have been with many families as they have gone through these extremely difficult days and I think it is as bad, if not worse for those "who wait", as if things are as they should be, the patient isn't feeling the pain, and often, like Michael, aren't aware because of coma or drug indused sleep.

I have most of my arguments with God about why folk don't slip gently away. This will now be my prayer for Michael. In the end, death does come as a strange friend. You and Michael now need the peace it brings and death never has the last word.

Don't feel bad about how you feel, it is so natural. You have been a tower of strength and it is marvellous that you have kept Michael at home all this time. Although you feel so exhausted at the moment, it will give you some comfort later when you know you have gone the second and third mile. What a wonderful wife Michael has.

You will be much in my prayers.

Love to you and your daughter who must also be finding things hard.

Mavis xxxxx

[raulstonParticipant]

hi sue

your an amazing woman and so strong i so feel your pain hugsss xxxx

[DaiCroParticipant]

Hi Sue,

The decision not to move Michael to the hospice has sealed the deal… he will pass at home and his family will be there at the end. I know how difficult it has been for you for the past few months but I am sure that this is the way that Michael would have chosen… it would certainly be my choice… no, it is my choice. I want to go at home surrounded by the love of my family, even if, like Michael, I get to the stage where I am no longer conscious of the events taking place around me. I imagine the hardest part is seeing the man you know and love in a comatose state, unable to communicate, unable to even move or respond to those he loves.

Perhaps this is the time to take a step back… pull up a chair and talk to him quietly,,, you and your daughters can say your goodbyes quietly and with dignity, with all anguish and heartache put aside for a short while as you say your farewells… so if he slips away when you are not in the room you can all take comfort in the fact that you have said goodbye and you are reconciled to his going… this is a time for letting go and allowing him to move on… grief can come later.

I do feel for you and your family but Michael is no longer in pain and it is only his physical strength that is keeping him here. Let the professionals do their jobs while you and your daughters try to step back, draw your breaths and try to let him go with the dignity that you all deserve.

There are a lot of us here who are with you in spirit, willing Michael to pass without pain or distress and ready to comfort you as best as we can when he is gone.

Be strong for your family and be kind and gentle to yourself.

Much love

Dai.

[MinParticipant]

Dear Susanah,
I wish you and your family strength to bear the coming days and weeks.
Know that you have helped Michael feel at peace and when he is ready and not a moment sooner he will go in the knowledge that he was loved dearly, and wait in that special place for the day you will be together again.
You will always carry your fondest memories in your heart, and there he will be for all time.
Courage my dear, and all my love
Min

[nickinooParticipant]

Much love, my thoughts are with you at this very difficult time. xx

[bandityogaParticipant]

Hi Sue

I can't imagine what you are feeling and hope that all our prayers will help you and Michael. Life is so unkind, my husband Ian was diagnosed in October and has lost the use of his legs as he had a compressed spine. I didn't sleep and cried for 3 weeks. Sometimes I think he will walk again and have at least 10 years but other times I just panic and lose it. All our plans for retirement and all the places we would see have gone. I don't know what the future will hold he is only 56 and I love him dearly.

You are a very caring person to have him at home and I'm sure he appreciates it.

Take help in your friends and family and may god comfort you.

God bless you.

Maureen
Maureen

[Author]

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