That subject no one wants to talk about

This topic contains 29 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by  eve 10 years, 8 months ago.

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    Hi Eve happy birthday ! Go out there and have the best birthday ever It seems so wrong not to celebrate life whenever we can and yes if your smiling makes it easier for the rest of us Have a great day love Bridgetxx



    Dear Min with a lovely family like yours you will get through this awful time If you do stop and have a weep dont beat yourself up about it though Mind you I think painting is great when you are upset I once decorated the whole house in a fortnight at one horrible time Keep on keeping on Min love Bridget xx



    Decided on some retail therapy instead and visited building society to close his account down, what a palaver.
    Next its the premium bonds to cash in. how ironic is that he won £25 quid and the cheque had not been paid in.
    The car (his disability one) just got me home before the petrol light came on so they can come and get it now.
    Had to go to the job centre to get certified copies of his death certificate and our wedding certificate….
    So they really think I wold make it up??????
    Had a brilliant row with British Gas who keep ringing up to speak to him..Even though we are not there customers boy did I let rip…. all the 4 letter words you can think of .. Following which a bouquet of flowers from them British gas that is. to apologies
    I would think my call and screaming at them will become a training session for future idiots.
    My desk is covered in paperwork of all kinds that needs to be done but cant seem to motiviate myself .
    Soes any one know the answer to this one
    We had a joint bank account and I want it to stay that way. Do I have to tell them too? I dont want to be just Mrs C
    I think Debs in banking someone let me know as I paid in his cheque feeling like a thief knowing its his but ours if you know what I mean.



    Hi Min sorry I cant help about bank accounts but when Jeffs dad died we were amazed at how many phone calls , forms and visits it took just to get his mums life back on track In Olives case she is a very lively 82 but she would have found it too hard As you said about not being able to motivate yourself was exactly how she felt too On a spooky note Ken also had a Premium bond cheque to pay in !That one drove Jeff nuts ! At least your rant at British Gas lit a few fires under backsides by the sound of it !! love Bridget x



    Hi min
    I can help you on bank accounts,joint names is now considered to be your money do not worry about paying in cheques
    in Peters name,Any accounts not in your name will have to go to probate as Peter has not made a Will, find a solicitor who does not charge the earth,do not be afraid to ask price and if your not happy,walk.

    You can leave this as long as you want do not feel pushed into doing anything,pension from services will pay you full money for 4 months then,a certain amount after,get help through services.

    I hope this is some help,if you need any more you know you can always e mail me,I will be here for you Eve



    Hi Min

    Sorry you have so much to sort out. My husband, who used to be in banking, says that unfortunately you will have to get the Account put in your name only. Sorry, I guess it makes it feel so final. Perhaps it might help to think of the new Account, in your name, is one of the gifts Peter left behind for you.

    Keep strong. All love.




    Goodness Min for British Gas to send you a bouquet must mean you were realy up and running with your rant. Good for you.:-)

    I have no idea of the pain and heartache you must be going through that will come quickly enough, but I do know that I welcome challenges in the face of pain. Somehow (for me) it gives me the strength to carry on.

    I will just tell tell you a little bit of the time, just after my dad died, when 2 young police officers stopped me because my old Capri was a bit tatty. Insured? YES. MOT? YES. All documentation up to date and good? YES, YES, YES. I only went into town to buy a black skirt for Dad's funeral. They ended up putting up their hands in a very defensive manner and saying "We won't hold you up any longer madam"8-)

    I do think that all the palaver you are going through is probably keeping you busy enough to stay sane for now. Do stay in touch and shout at all of us as much as you need too.

    Love from Gill xxxx



    Hi Min

    Here you go…Sorry but the account now becomes in your name only.:-( I have been there. They need a copy of the death certificate too.:-S It takes a few weeks to complete so your joint account will stay for a bit longer.:-D Right down to the nitty gritty, all these things kept me in denial for months…
    If you pay anything direct debit they have to be informed because you become the head of the account. All mail from these accounts will become in your name only, but it will take for ever for mail for your husband to stop.:'-(

    If you want to know anything else just email me, you've got my email address and I'll gladly help.. I know how it is when your struggling to cope and have to deal with this too.

    All the best
    Love Roz xx



    Hi Min
    Love yor story of yhr flowere from british gas!! I am longing for a good row!! I have told o2 the phone people to shove it, but very restrained, companies seem ready to take advantage when reacently bereaved try to sort out the paper work. Tried to stop the credit card after 8 mins on the phone waiting, thought s…d it so we are carring on using it as the buissness account pays the bill anyway. Might end up in court!! Might be able to have a good row there!!

    Sat with my father last night as the hospital called us in, we gave up and 9.30pm and went home, when i phoned this morning he is still snoring away as he has been for the past week, very strong these old people who went through the war!

    Hope the painting goes well Min, the other posts are right, our joint account is in my name now and keeps going, my son had two wins on the premium bonds yesterday as well, ERNIE must have decided to pay out some money for once!.

    with love sarah xx



    I had another rant with a credit card company today…. speaking to an unintelagble man in India…. well you can imagine my reaction to him not understanding my Geordie accent. when I asked to speak to someone in England he said they had no office in England…mmmm the blank statement came from UK so he got the other two barrels and needless to say in no time at all I was speaking to a well spoken English woman 'down south'
    She got the next set of bile and acerbic anger… For heavens sake why would anyone lie about there husband dying?
    It is an amazing way to let go of anger… Whilst I feel sorry for the poor sod on the end of the phone just got to get mad at someone. Made me feel a whole lot better. Handled like a true head-case. Cant wait for the next one…. bring it on I am ready to kill, metaphorically speaking.
    Dai this to me is cathartic



    Hi Min
    Can i tell you a story about what happened to Slims mum,she was going a bit doolaly but she was independent and could function.
    then some spiteful person rang the pension people up and the cancelled her pension,took awhile for money to run out for standing orders,but she did not have,the ability to do anything about it,we were abroad at the time,she could not understand why the bank would not give her any money,and lived on fresh air for many months,and would not answer her door because,she was getting letters saying she owed can imagine the rest!
    We took it up with the pension service ,as this would not have taken place,if they had not taken the word of someone ringing up and saying she had died.
    We were assured that in future only written proof would be acceptable.

    I do know what you mean,but lets face it there are some very weird and nasty people out there.
    Some organisations will not even except copy,s any more because the internet makes it so easy to forge,sad but true.

    Why not wait awhile,wait until you are able to deal with it calmly,anger is part of grieving, and it must be very hard to deal with,when ever thing is so raw.I hope I have not upset you,but it might help you understand a different side , Love Eve



    Hi Min

    Lucky you!! I have not been able to rany and rave at anyone, they have all benn so kind, but i did tell o2 they had lied to me and i cancelled gordons phone, but i was very polite, whats the matter with me!!

    Eve do appriciate what you are saying there are many sick people out there, what a dreadful thing to happen to Slims money, funny the pension people took someone's word that she had died, bet any company taking money from her would have wanted trible proof!!

    Love to you both Sarah XX

    Ps my dad still snoring now a week with no fluid!!



    Dear Min

    Please don´t be silent. Not only would we miss your kind, common sense approach you might just miss us too! Having been widowed I do know what a help friends can be when your going through such a traumatic time so pleae do make the most of us.

    I´m really glad that the funeral went well – what a comfort for you all.

    Try to take care of yourself – every day is an achievement.
    Best wishes
    Carol xxxx



    Tip for ranting Sarah.

    Go for it with which ever unfortunate person you get on the other end of the phone. Just a few very angry always acceptable words and just do it.

    Only a few seconds. Then take a deep breath and calmly apologise for ranting at that person. Explain that you realise that it is not their fault but you are so upset at their company's inefficiency that you could not stop yourself being so cross.

    At the end of the conversation apologise once more, say you hope that you have not ruined their day and thank them for their patience and professionalism.

    I find that I come off the phone far more relaxed and have left the person on the other end of the phone unbruised and with a compliment ringing in their ears
    Gill x



    I hope Min has taken a little time out,may be,she has gone to enjoy her grand children,if she has she will come back refreshed,and stronger to cope with all those inefficient people who do not know her situation and have no understanding of it.
    Min will come back in her own good time.Eve

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