[RozParticipant]

Hi All
After reading Min's message I decided to write this.

All of us who are carers, partners or wives/husbands feel differently to you who have this horrible cancer. We have to be strong in a different way to how you with this cancer are strong. We see and feel for our partners, we hurt and cry for our partners while they cannot see.:'-( Because when we are with our partners we are strong, we are the ones who pick up the pieces, take the rot that these medications give you relief from.:-S

Then one day are world takes a double blow, not only have we been through an ordeal coping with our partners with this cancer, that it becomes a away of life, but then it is no more…Our partner has gone. We are lost. We are in a world that unless you have been there and done it no-one else can understand it.

Seeing what I saw, doing what I had to do; to bring peace to Michael was hard, this cancer is one of the hardest you all bear. But we the wife or partner bear it too. Then when we loose the one we love we have to come to terms with being alone. We have to get on with things again. This is as hard as coming to terms with it at the beginning.

So I just wanted to say to all you widows/widowers out there I know how you feel and I want to say to you all you are a star. Lifes supposed to get easier but I bet part of you want's it to be hard again just so you can see the one you love again. So maybe we get set up a post on here to keep the memories of our loved ones alive.

I'm thinking of you all:-)

Love Roz

[eveParticipant]

Hi Roz
I have only just seen this post,and as you know I am not in your position,so in truth cannot begin to understand,loosing my partner through death,although i do know that this will happen in the future.:-( I always thought it was that I would go first.because Slim until now was the healthy one with good genes,just shows how wrong one can be.

Your memory will always be there of Michael nothing is ever going to change that,but they belong to you,:-)As you move forward with your life you will take them with you ,and Michael would want that for you,If it had been you who died,would you not want Michael to live his life to the full?
I often think life is a gift,and should be lived to the full,so many times,when the last thing I feel like doing(because I feel down)is going out with a smile on my face,I do.Myeloma gets chucked into the bin,out I go with friends,Slim wants it that way,just because he cannot enjoy outing,his attitude is go and enjoy yourself.

I think it would be wrong to isolate yourself,there is a place for you here
as Roz not as a widow. My thought and love are with you.Eve

[RozParticipant]

Hi Eve,

Thanks for the reply. I'm not isolating myself. My disability stops me doing lots. I've got to ask people to drive me about now.
The message I wrote was just to say how much I understand what Min was saying, after living with someone living alone is hard.

Cheers
Roz xx

[eveParticipant]

Hi Roz
Sorry if i got it wrong,I know how hard it can be to live alone,specially at weekends,the door shuts on friday and thats it till Monday .
I am not very good at explaining myself,I myself have my own isolation,because I am deaf,I am suppose to were hearing aids,but I hate them,so it,s not so much physical as mental isolation that I was talking about.:-(
I isolate myself with out realising it,simply things like refusing an invitation because,i do not think I will hear,because lots of people will be there,( just an example):-)
What I am trying to say and not making a good job of it,is your Roz first.Does that make sense to you,
I would hate it if anybody put a deaf label on me,being deaf some people treat me as if I am stupid,I am sure you know what I am talking about,(talking to the wheelchair and not the person)its much the same for me only in a different situation,very hard for people to have someone staring at them and lip reading.8-)
Anyway enough of me,how are you feeling today,hope you have been using your lovely garden,that garden needs someone enjoying a G&T in it watching the sun go down,Love Eve

[zasrsParticipant]

Hi Eve and Roz
Not to sure how to reply to you both, Roz I understand the lonelyness and I have children and grandchildren around all the time there is no one to chatter to about the day to day things!!
Eve my boat partner is very deaf takes her hearing aids off when we sail, very difficult to sail with a partner who cannot hear, but we managed somehow, I never think she is stupid, she is a proffessor at sussex university and gets her grants from cancer uk, a charity close to all our hearts!
Not sure if i have replied to posts but Roz i do know where you are coming from.
with love sarah

[MinParticipant]

I know where your coming from Roz, being alone with no one to chat to or make a cup of tea etc is very different to how I imagined.
Not sure if i can get used to this quiet life who do I moan to when theres rubbish on the TV! Who is going to make sure I come home safe when I take the dogs out. Its very hard.
It will take some getting used to.
Min

[eveParticipant]

Hi |Girls
If i may call you that.My kids are terrified when I drive because if they talk to me,I have to take my eyes of the road,even my son-in-laws are scared.LOL.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and take all your pain away,but it,s not going to happen.
Life will go on and each day you will find some thing to smile about,I hope you will all be survives and live life to the full,and also keep posting.I know I think of you as Roz Sarah and Min,not wives of people who have died.
love to you all Eve

[RozParticipant]

Thanks All

Min it really takes some getting used to..I've found out I talk to myself now.
The other week I took out friends and family who helped me at the begining and still are there for me. A meal for 9, great talk, drink and laughter.
Then we pull up at home I go inside to deadly silence.I didn't like it.

Eve We are all people in our own right and I try to go to disability meetings the same as before Michael was ill, but the bad days do still come along when I'm in a daze or tears flow. My mum says your down in yourself again that won't help…but these days just don't go away.
I've always been independent due to being disabled, but this is so so different and Min, Sara, and all other widows I applaud you for carrying on.
Love to you all
Roz xxx

[zasrsParticipant]

Hi Girls
Had a lovley today judging cookery at a ploughing match ( know nothing about judging, went on the flavour!) I came home to a silent house I could not tell anyone about my day, who i had met, the local farmers who asked how i was and how sorry they were. Roz, Min and al the others, it is the lonliness that gets me.Onwards and upwards girls as Tom would say!

Sarah

[RozParticipant]

Hi Sarah,

Onwards and Upwards..I say it every night when my P.A closes the door and the lonliness and silence takes over once more.

I wish you all the best. I'm glad you had a nice day judging the cookery. Flavour is always the best, if it tastes nice and looks nice then it is nice.

Love Roz xx

[MinParticipant]

I know how it is Sarah,
I came home from my daughters on Monday to an empty house. No one to tell of my week away.
Been trying to put a new blind up in the kitchen and its taken me all day.
Peter was so handy about the house, and you cant find a workman for love or money just to put a blind up.
Just had a big bubble and weep first one since i came home but feel so much better for it.
Time for a whisky and lemonade (for medicinal purposes. Cold symptoms and sadness!
Love MIn

[zasrsParticipant]

Oh Min and Roz wish you both lived near cyber hugs to both. xx

[RozParticipant]

Yes so do I

Heres a big hug to you both ()

Love and happinness

Roz xx

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