This topic contains 31 replies, has 15 voices, and was last updated by 
losie46 11 years, 7 months ago.
Dear All Michael was cremated today at 2.15pm.The chapel was over flowing with old collegues and friends, Charlotte our youngest daughter read the eulogy it was perfect. Im not sure how I feel at the moment empty, relieved I really dont know.
I just wanted to thank you all for supporting me over the years, and pray for a cure for this horrible illness.
All my love
Sue
PS Ive been trying to email a few of you but they keep bouncing back, will keep trying x
Dear Sue,
I am sure Michael was a much loved man and friends and colleagues supported you saying your last goodbyes.
You are now at the begining of a whole new life. But for now just take each day as it comes, no doubt it will be tremendously hard at times but you just like others left behind on this site, have the opportunity to live – and what a gift that is.
Michael will continue to live in your thoughts and memories, he has not left you completely.I am sure he will whisper in your ear from time to time and make you smile.
It would be lovely to hear from you when you feel ready.
Love
TinaXX
Dear Sue
I am pleased it went well and Charlotte was very brave to get up and do that.
I am sending you all Cyber Hugs and I hope those hugs help you in some small way, Stay Strong and remember the Good times Prior to this MM.
Love and Hugs to you all
Tom Xxxx
Dear Sue
I'm glad it went well. I know it will be difficult for you and your girls but try and look after yourselves thoughts are with you
Love Jean x
Hi Sue,
I am so glad that the funeral went well… a time where you have to share your grieving with wider family and friends. But now it is your grief, yours and your daughters and inevitably and eventually yours alone.
I suppose relief is a genuine reaction, I am sure that Janet will feel relieved when I go… not of my going but of the interminable waiting for the inevitability of my demise after so long with the disease in unstoppable regression.
There are quite a few of us on the board now who have reached the point of holding off the end, rather than those who are striving for bouts of remission and some sort of 'normality'. You went through all those stages with Michael and then had to watch and wait for a few months knowing that the end was near… but Michael fought until the end which showed great spirit but frayed your nerves and kept you in a state of fear and watchfulness that was so very hard to bear.
My thoughts are with you and your daughters (I have 2 daughters and a son) it is you who has now to pick up the pieces and wonder what to do with them… I wish you all the very best of good fortune as you find out.
Best regards 🙂
Dai.
Hi Sue
Sorry isn't enough but you will also feel releived that Michael isn't suffering any more. I know you will miss him terribly but also have happy memories of your time together.
I do wish they would find a cure for this disease.
For now take comfort in your family and friends and when you are ready live life to the full.
Love Maureen x
Hi Sue
I know a number of people who are at different stages of mourning,this also includes my daughter and myself,for my first grandchild Matty who was 16.
There is no right or wrong way,just take it a day at a time,you will go through every emotion,but in the end you have to do it your way .No one can really help you,Ruth and I find talking about Matty helps,he is very much around us,guilt anger are just a part of it, I would say be kind to yourself ,you have walked a long way in your shoes,and Michael will still be walking with you on your new journey love Eve
Lots of love Sue
Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You must have been very proud of Charlotte. Aren't we lucky to have a daughter. I love mine to bits, even if she and the family are about to go and live in Luxembourg.
Take care, be patient with yourself, you are on a long, sad journey.
Mavis xxxx
Dear Sue,
Im so sorry you find yourself alone. Im pleased Michaels send off went perfectly.
In the coming weeks the reality will hit you, and a slow dawning of the fact that he is not on another stay in hospital will sink in.
Whilst one part of you is relieved that his suffering is at an end, the other part will realise that your job is done.
No longer being a carer, every waking moment used to being spent waiting and watching, caring worrying and yes working.
You can now rest and recuperate yourself, have a break if its possible some time soon.
But in the meantime make some time to get pampered. It will give you a reason to get out of bed, and it makes you feel good being looked after for a while.
Losing your husband after a long marriage is like losing half of yourself and it takes a lot of adjusting to, being on your own.
I hope your new journey is comfortable and not too harrowing.
Take your time to adjust to your new life, don't expect too much of yourself, because if you thought you were tired from caring; grieving is so much harder.
It is exhausting, and unbearably lonely. Hang on tight to your friends and go out as often as you feel able.
I wish you well
Min x
D ear Sue
I am sorry for my late message but I don't often come on here. I am glad that Michael's funeral went well. I found it quite difficult after Stephen's funeral once it had all settled down I think the reality hit me. Nearly 6 months later I still miss him like crazy but I suppose I have settled into my own routine.
I have decided to go to France probably in June. I have a very close friend that will come with me. It will only be for 2 weeks as she cannot take more than that off work.
I am finding it very difficult looking at bookings etc. Stephen and I were there last April and the thought that he will never come with me again is breaking my heart.
I do hope that you feel better in the weeks and months to come. I promised Stephen that I would not just stay at home and become a recluse so I am looking at a couple of evening classes and when I feel a bit stronger will volunteer to help in the shop, book collecting etc in our local hospice.
Do get in touch from time to time. You know that everybody on here will offer you as much support as they can.
Much love Gill x
Hi All Thank you for your lovely replys Tina,Min,Gill my feelings are just as you describe. I feel worse now than I did 2 weeks ago,There is lots to sort out, which im ok with but as soon as I sit down I start to cry. I tried taking all the cards down today but I coundnt so I put them all back up and cried again. Its Michaels birthday and our wedding anniversary on the 6th April so myself and our 2 daughters are going to sprinkle his ashes on the cliffs over looking the sea in Scarborough. Not very exotic but we had so many happy times in Scarborough and Whitby and we always hoped to retire there.So were having along weekend at the Crown Spa Hotel for a pamper weekend and to say our special goodbyes.
Love to all
Sue
Scarborough is a beautiful sea-side town and because it meant something to your whole family I am sure that the weekend will be a bitter-sweet affair. Make sure all of you do get your pampering, preferably after your scattering of Michael's ashes. I have only ever visited Scarborough, never stayed but I have enjoyed several weeks at Whitby Folk Festival and enjoyed every one of them thoroughly, attending concerts, playing at the open mics and just standing and watching the various street events… a great venue and a wonderful town.
I'm glad that you have the support of Min, Gill, tina et al… none finer and of course they have all been there before you… but still it is your journey and I am so very glad you have your daughters with you for mutual support.
Best wishes
Dai.
dear Susannah
I hope you and your family have the best weekend that you could have. Scarborough and Whitby are beautiful places.
Several years ago our local doctor died suddenly and his wife could not bear to take down the cards, her answer was to take one card away each day until they had all been taken down.
Love Trish xx
Hi Sue and girls
I am pleased you and the girls have decided where to Scatter Michael's ashes, and Scarborough is a lovely place.
Will be thinking of you and the Girls on your special day.
Love and Hugs to you all
Tom xxxx
Hello Sue,
My situation is so similar to yours. My husband, Norman, passed away on 22nd Feb and the funeral was this Wednesday, 6th March.
My daughter suggested I went on this forum to try to get some support.
Norman did contribute to this website a couple of years ago when he was diagnosed but I think he went into denial.
He did pass away in hospital but I could not have coped at home (don't know how you managed it) but in the end it was very quick – less than a week.
Although I am relieved he is no longer in pain and the stress of caring is over, I feel worse than I ever did and would do anything to have him back.
Jackie xx
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