[RozParticipant]

Hi All,
[u]Please forgive me if it is upsetting to others in the same boat[/u]

You all knew me when Michael was so ill, How ever I am still finding it hard to cope. I just wondered if anyone on here dealt with the greiving part because nothing became of the councelling I was supposed to have.

Please forgive me all you who are hurt by my message
Love
Roz xx

[tomParticipant]

Hi Roz

Am sorry I know you are still suffering, Am sure its no good me saying "It will get better" as am sure you know that, its the now the tomorrow and the month after that you need help with, Am sure a Bereavement Councillor can help and the road through that could be the Mac people or your own GP.

I hope you get some help soon Love and Hugs (((())))

Tom xxxx

[GillParticipant]

Hi Roz

Please try and push for a bereavement councelor I had a friend at work who did this on a voluntary basis. From what I could make out she was trained to allow people to be really angry and let their feelings out and move on with their grief.

I can remember being so angry with my dad when he left me (died) and then feeling so guilty for feeling that way because, after all, it wasn't a choice he had made:-S

Do stay in touch on her and let us know how you are getting on

Love from Gillxxx

[RozParticipant]

Sorry Tom
Should never have asked on this site, someone just asked me if myeloma uk could help so I thought I'd ask.

Nothing became of the councelling from GP and Social worker

[RozParticipant]

Thanks Jill

I've tried my Gp and previous social worker put my name down, (he got took off me by council.)Nothing became of it. My Gp doesn't ask any more he used to phone with silly questions like do you miss him.
There is a waiting list as long as 10 months around my area in Cruse and I've joined forums, but I've been told alot of it is the after effects of seeing what I saw. I cannot find the memories of Michael just the ill fragile man.

Roz

[MinParticipant]

Roz my husband was half the man he had been when he died, but I surround myself with photo's of the well man he had been before MM got to him 2 and a half years ago.
Perhaps a visit to a spiritualist church would help you to understand he is no longer suffering, and watching over you.
Im not talking about charlatans who charge you money for messages that are false but to know he is at peace will help.
Im new to all this grief thing but I am comfortable that Peter is no longer suffering its the ones left behind that suffer.
My suffering is nothing compared to what he put up with over the past two years. Some time in the future I may feel differently but I know how unhappy he was, I know a little of the pain he suffered and I know he is no longer.
I am angry he left me but I understand it was not his choice.
God only takes the best. Greedy bas****

[RozParticipant]

Thanks Min
[u]So sorry for opening up wounds. I should be helping you not the other way around, please forgive me.[/u]About 2 wks ago I did my full crying episode, realising he was never coming back. I do believe he is watching over me. But I think because of everything I'm only really grieving. I've been in denial. I am getting to understand I did everything I could and don't blame myself as much. I know he is not suffering now,but for some reason I cannot get back all the memories we shared before he was ill.
I've had canvas's made of him and they are on the walls, I've done his garden, and I speak to him. Part of me believes I'm trying to rush everything, so maybe I should just get on with things and grieve.

Thanks ever so much
All the best for you and your family
Roz x

[zasrsParticipant]

Hi Roz and Min
I am also, like you Min suurounded by imagies of gordon when was well, I need help with my youngest son, who (thank go )lives at home with me,how selfish I am. Roz you are on this road ahead of me, i am sorry i do not know the words to help.

sarah xx

[MinParticipant]

Hi Sarah,
I think occasionaly that if I had not given up work I would have a distraction and something to look forward to, but I would have missed those 5 months of being together all the time.
I dont know what to do or how to approach the coming months. but I intend to see a good deal more of my /our grandchildren than I was able to because of Peters illness. There snotty noses or Peter being unwell prevented that.
My life feels like it has been on hold for so long. I am desperatly lonely but just as I got used to him being away from home in the RAF I think I will adapt eventualy. I hope so as there is so much more I want out of life.
I will do the things he and I planned alone but knowing he would want me to.
What do I miss most….. The way he tidied up after me as I am living in a tip and struggling to keep on top of it, I miss the fact he always knew where to find the things I had lost.
His organisational skills were a bit of a nuisance but God I miss his precision his hooveritis his occasional requests for me to do as he was telling me.
My kitchen looks like a dream but open the doors and its obvious Peter has not been there to put it in some kind of order.
Once the floor is laid and the walls are painted I will get round to it but not yet. I keep thinking he will show me a sign he is watching me by doing for me but …………….
Minx

[zasrsParticipant]

Hi Min
I was so glad i gave up work, being a nurse there is no way i could ever look after anyone again, i would only need someone to moan that i was late for a visit, and i would sock them one or two!!
Do you look at so many couples with greyish hair and feel so sad that the time to spend with gordon/peter has been taken away, that there is no one to chukle about the grandchildren with, friends are wonderful, but there is such a lonlyness.
I have been offered many trips and treats now and for next year, which i will take, hopefully you have things planned as well. Are you told how brave you are? As I was at a wedding last week, not sure what i am supposed to do! Curl up in a ball and never venture out!! Not me or I suspect you!
Just had a brandy time for the little white pill then blessed sleep!
with love sarah xx

[GillParticipant]

Dear Dear Min

I think Peter has shown you a sign. You signed your last post Minx He knows how naughty you are:-)

Love you quote "God only takes the best. Greedy bas****"

Do keep visiting this site. You may get some solace from it but my selfishness knows that you will give advice and comfort to others. I am so selfish that I (obviously) am talking about me,me,me

Love from Gill xxxx

[mhnevillParticipant]

Dear Roz

I am so sorry that you haven't been able to get the help you have needed, especially that Cruise has such a long waiting list. Hope you are onit any way – at least your turn will come eventually and you can decide then if you still want to take it up.

Do be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up – even after nine months it is very easy in terms of bereavement and especially as you had had a long journey with Michael being so poorly before he died.

A lot of people who loose loved one after a very debilitating illness find it difficult to get that picture out of their minds and so it works against being able to get strength from good memories.

I do believe we can retrain our inner selves, but it takes time. If either every morning, or night, you look at a favourite picture of Michael, then look into the mirror and say something like "now Roz, don't you remember how happy we were when this picture was taken and don't you know that Michael wants you to be happy again!" If you can keep this up over several weeks you will be re-programming your mind and your memories. If you have any faith, you can pray for strength to do this.

You had a long time as a couple so it will take a long time to feel anything liked mormal again, but, with time it will happen.

Love never dies and so the love that michael had for you still surrounds you and can work for you if you can let it. I am glad you have had a good cry – crying is helpful as long as it doesn't lead to depression.

You will come out of the dark tunnel. You have been so brave over these past years for Michael – now you need to be brave for yourself. you can do it and it will be worth it. Michael will be wanting you to make something good of what is left of your life.

I know that this is a long post, but do hope it sparks at least a small flame of hope. I will pray for you. Do you have nay close family or froends to support you?

Love.

Mavis x

[RozParticipant]

Thanks Mavis

I don't no what happened once my name was put down by my gp and social worker, but I haven't heard a thing.
I'll take all advice and find all our photo's.
I'll not mention it again on site, everyone deals with it differently and it's not fair on others.
Then I'll let nature take its course.
Love to you all
Roz

[GillParticipant]

Roz

Please don't feel you should not post how you feel on this site. I could not add anything to Mavis' post She was so eloquent.

Take care Roz. Love from Gill xxx

[RozParticipant]

Thanks Gill

It took me ages to ask this question on this site. I didn't want to upset anyone because you all mean a lot to me:-)

I've tried finding photo's but wedding and alot of old ones must be in the loft, no-one to get them for me.

So I'm just have to do my best, stop trying to rush things and cry if I want to, or shout at his canvas's on the wall.

Thanks all for caring and being there fot me

Love to you all
Roz x:-D

[Author]

Posts